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Forever in the hands of time.

By , Newcastle upon tyne, United Kingdom
I sit here; waiting, watching, the ticking uncontrollable hands of time gradually creeping by slower than ever before! The smell of bleach burns my aching nostrils; my dry and bottomless stomach curdles endlessly like sour milk making me feel sicker, hungrier and weaker than my own frail body already is.
Why won’t it just hurry up and let me be free of all this hurt, all this worry? How much more pain do they wish for me to suffer? I yell at them like the creature they make me out to be, tubes like this are for helpless babies and old people that can’t do anything on their own accord. They feed me with drugs through those tubes of plastic; a bag of blood hung up on a metal rack pumping somebody else’s enriched blood into my deprived heart. I’m not an experiment! I’m not a broken toy that can be refurbished out of the spare parts from other toys!

Will I ever escape this endless nightmare as a free spirit?

Mum and dad sit there constantly, watching me day in and day out, they look at me yet their tear-filled eyes seem to pierce right through me, the look on their weary faces it’s almost as I’m not really there, nonexistent or perhaps already dead... I know they love me- that’s why they are here, however sometimes I wish I could just grab hold of them and shake them by the shoulders and yell at them to go away and enjoy living instead of sitting mourning at my loss before I’m even gone; yet I’m too weak to even sit up now.

Another few hours of loneliness drag by- dad’s snoring in the hospital chair by my bed- a look of fright and devastation upon his wrinkled with stress and worry face (it seems much wrinklier recently.), I’m surprised he’s not shaped to it by now, the amount of long, tiring hours he’s spent sitting in it, whilst Mum is away in the corridors collecting one repetitive cup of coffee after another.

There’s no one else in this room. Only me and my dad. I wonder if I can just try to get some sleep, to slip away when they aren't watching, when they are least expecting. It’s better that way... or so I've heard. I close my eyes, even the skin that makes up my eye lid has thinned down into nothingness. I’m a pile of bones, a walking skeleton with my pallid, dreary, lifeless skin.

Tightly, I squint my eyes together, peering into the darkness. I've always found that weird; the fact that when you close your eyes you are in complete darkness yet you are not afraid to fall asleep and let yourself wander off and then suddenly pictures appear clear as day in your dreams almost as if you are staring into your own brain! I force myself to get some sleep...

Nothingness.

Nothingness at first. Then suddenly I feel myself slipping away, I thank god that I am even though it seems cruel and selfish to be so happy that I am finally parting my life on Earth. I pray that I will go to heaven. It’s weird but as I am slipping all so quickly, I can still hear the screams and tears of my family as I leave; for the first time ever I feel guilty for this, their screams will be stored with me forever as a constant reminder of their love! I look up, a dazzling bright fusion of gorgeous light almost blinding me as I race faster and further into the atmosphere, I’m weightless, I don’t feel the need to throw up any longer or the gauntness of my bones. I’m not even sure I have a body anymore; I’m soul, a ball of fusion myself! I’m not scared anymore, I don’t think I really was truly in the first place yet I know that I will always be here watching, waiting just like my parents were for me. As I approach the light, I hope I will be accepted in heaven. I hope I will be free!





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