Emotions bubble inside me, thick and hot the brew like a chunky meat stew. Tiny ants crawl under my skin, itching inside me and my shoulders hunch, i go rigid and stiff. My hands clench as two beads of emotion travel over my cheeks. The hit the ground and burst into tiny stars, decorating the cold bare concrete below. I pull my legs tight to my chest and slowly rock back and forth to my own lullaby. There is no one here to hold my hand, no one to whisper sweet words of comfort in my ear. Dark thoughts cloud my head, a storm is brewing inside me. How much longer will I hide the jagged marks criss crossing along my wrists? I promised him I wouldn't, I told him I'd call. He made me promise. Not tonight though, tonight I'll cope. I won't call and he'll think that I'm okay. My hand slithers into the warmth of my pocket, feels the blade hidden there. Just one cut and I'll forget. Warm breath travels over my cracked bleeding lips, I bite down hard on the soft pink tissue. Blood pools in my mouth and tiny red droplets travel over my lip. Pain sears...but it's not enough. It's still there, the emotions aren't going away. I pull the blade from the depths of my pocket and twirl it between my fingers. Light hits the shiny metal surface and reflects back into my face. I sigh again as I pull back my sleeve, revealing the intricate workings of my former cuts. It could be a work of art, hidden behind my sleeve. Bright red marks mingled with faint pink lines. Picasso would be proud. It's not finished yet though, this painting has yet a few more marks bare. The silver slides slowly over the surface of my skin. I can feel the wound opening, I close my eyes and let the pain engulf me. I focus on it and let myself think of nothing else. Red liquid blooms from the cut, like jam being squeezed out of a donut. My breathing slows and the emotions inside me subside. Slowly the realisation sinks in. I broke my promise. It's of little importance though, there's nothing he could of done.
A Broken Promise
September 17, 2012