A Brief Tale of Writer's Block

August 7, 2012
Imagine an idea. This idea is so original and ground breaking that the mere suggestion of this idea would shake the foundations of American society and usher in a new era of understanding and peace between all nations which none have ever seen. Israel would recognize Palestine as a nation. Iran would recognize the Holocaust and give up their nuclear arms program. Syria would give their people democracy. All religions would embrace each other. America would stop b****ing about Chick Fil A. This idea is so potent and amazing that surely, anyone who had anything to do with its conception would be regaled as a hero. Now imagine for a second that person is you. You possess this glorious idea in your noggin, and now you must think of a way to share it with the world.
Now which is the best way to do this? You can’t go on TV. Not every person has a TV. You can’t go on the radio because it would end up on NPR, and who the hell still listens to NPR? Nerds that’s who, and no one listens to nerds. So how do you tell the world of your great idea?
Writing.
Yes writing, that which all civilization comes from. It has evolved from the intricate pictographs of the Aryans to the jumble of letters and symbols of SMS, and yet has never lost its power. Writing is the loudspeaker of the masses, and can be translated to all languages and spoken to all peoples. So you sit down, and decide to write out your vast knowledge.
As you sit down at your lap top, you open Microsoft Word with gusto, titling your document with ease. You select the perfect font, Arial Bold in size 14. With exuberance you double space and tab into your first paragraph. You stare longingly at the screen in thought, and crack your knuckles in preparation. It is now 3:15 PM, East Coast Standard Time, and it is time for the world to wake up.
It is now 6:15 East Coast Standard Time and you have been staring at your screen for 3 hours. You are hungry. You are thirsty. Your idea is locked within your mind, and you have misplaced the key to unlock it. Earth will know no peace. The seas will swell up and engulf the land. The nations will destroy each other in a beautiful Nuclear Winter. You have failed. You are no hero. You have doomed us all.





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