Forever in my Heart

August 6, 2012

I want to love him but I can’t. Sometimes it feels like my heart is going to give out. That my heart is going to shatter to pieces. We live. Then, we die. Before you die don’t you want to finally say the truth? Tell them how much things will change when you leave? You don’t want to die in lies that you never got a chance to fix. Don’t die with regrets. Don’t die with sorrow. Die with a bright heart. Die with hope, trust, happiness that will always come when you leave. It’s hard for some. Others can have forgiveness and move as the years go by and die with so much love that your heart won’t shatter, it will be strong as it will ever be. We all die with one thing that changes the world, our lives, our hearts, our being of who you are. We die with…love.

I don’t understand how a story should start. How I got here. Well, you will find out soon. The story of how my life became the living again. Of how reality became real. I don’t need someone else telling this story. Why? If you didn’t guess this is my story that no one has ever experienced in their life time. They’re not me. No one will ever be me. God created and had this plan for me. He given me life for a reason that no one will ever know but him. Everyone has a reason to be alive but no one will ever really knows that reason. You can all guess all you want but God only knows.

Everytime I watch him I may cry while I smile as he moves on without me. Years gone by without me but he’s always with me. Forever. Even if my heart aches for him to see me. I know one day he will but I hope it’s not anytime soon.

I didn’t say goodbye when I had to leave. I said three little words that I never admitted to him but I was happy I did. It set me free saying, “I love you.” Because if someone is in your heart. They never leave. You love them. Forever. It doesn’t matter if you are close or far apart. It doesn’t matter if you are dead or alive. They’re always there. Forever.

I know I say ‘forever’ a lot but it needs to be in your head. So you know that ‘forever’ and ‘heart’ go together. Also, the love of my life. That I will always look for him sending my love and protection. Collin. Collin, you are forever in my heart.

The author's comments:
I wish I could have told him before he left...without me.

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