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For the quote life consists not in holding good cards, but in playing those you hold well. –Jsoh Billings.














My head crashed into the window jolting me awake, glass shattered over my body onto my blood darkened jeans. I reached for my head as it pounded with pain from the window that was just shattered over it, my hands appeared red and running with bloody glass that brought the queasy side out of me. I closed my eyes to keep the visions of the blood from bringing more pain to me so I could concentrate on the sounds more than the sights. Sirens screeched higher then lower and tires were burning against the pavement. I could hear people yelling at each other, must of been paramedics telling each other what to do. A hand touched my shoulder and the voice shaked out of the mans mouth trailing along with smokers breath.





“A-a-adam..-‘’ The old man coughed as he inhaled the smoke that surrounded our vehicle. “Oh god, Adam, can you hear me?!” The man swore under his breath and removed his warm hand from my shoulder; another man touched my other shoulder as he helped me onto the stretcher through the window my head somehow easily broke through. I didn’t even notice I had opened my eyes , it was almost as black as it was when they were closed, I’ve never seen such dark smoke in my life. The stretcher got to the truck and they rolled me into the back, an oxygen mask was placed over my mouth and they told me to breathe normally. So I did as told and inhaled the thin cold, fresh air, the doors closed and a figure that shadowed in the darkness stood beside me, taking care of my oozing head. I then either fell asleep, or died, I really didn’t know at that point.





I awoke to two men playing cards on the table beside me; my eyes were still focusing as the younger man almost jumped up as he saw my eyes open. “Adam, my dear lord you scared us half to death.-‘’





The younger man was interrupted by the older man , “Jacob.. remember what the doctor said, we don’t know what happened yet.”





I recognised that older mans voice, the only thing I can remember is the sound of his voice, I don’t know where from though. My back rushed with pain as I sat up to see the two men better and figure out who they are. Instead I glared at the food sitting beside my bed, my stomach grumbled and Ididn’t care how bad it looked, I reached for the food. The texture of the mouldy pudding danced on the top of my tongue as I twirled in my mouth after each bite, how could something so gross looking be so good.





“ I see your hungry, you have been out for several days.” The younger boy put his cards on the table and moved his chair closer to me. While unexpectedly the older man stood up with tears in his eyes and left the room.





I really then didn’t know what to do, I didn’t even know who these people were let along why they were crying, I don’t even know why I'm in the hospital!





“Your allowed to leave whenever you want now, the doctor said right when you wake up, after one more test.” The younger mans voice was calming, like he cared so much for someone he didn’t even know. I removed the blankets from my body and reached for the pain in my head to find probally about seven stitches. My eyes looked up at the man who kept talking to me, I thought about what I should say to him and if it will hurt his feelings or not.





“Who are you..” I had to come out with it, the boy just kept asking questions like he knew me. The boys eyes glared over with glossy tears and it fell to the tip of his eyelash, then down his cheek.





“Im your brother, you got in a car crash with your father, the one who left the room. You lost your memory.” He stood there with his head down staring at his feet. “Lay back down, Ill go get the doctor so we can bring you home.” The boy left, I layed down and looked at the television, my father, walked into the room sat down and looked at me.





“Adam, do you remember me at all?” I shook my head as he spoke.





“No sir, I'm sorry.” My father looked down then back up as the doctor walked in.





“Adam, how you feeling?” The man was tall with huge arms that tensed whenever he pressed the top of his pen.





“Good, only my head hurts.”





“Do you remember anything? Your family, sports, school, the crash?”





“No sir, I do not.” The doctor wrote probally a paragraph for that answer I gave him.Then he took out some photos and showed me and told me to tell him what they mean to me. The first photo was of a dog.





“This is your family dog right?” The doctor spoke to my father. My father nodded when I answered to the photo then looked at me like he was disappointed, not in me, but in himself. “How about this?” The next photo was of a family playing volleyball on the beach. The photo was more focused on the beach and the family was more of a silhouette in the sunset.











“Does this photo connect to your life in anyway? I shook my head, and starred at the last photo he gave me.





“I don’t know this one either.” I passed it back and watched him write with disappointment.





“Im sorry, but your son, is going to have to learn his life over again.”









***************************************************************************





We arrived at home around three hours after, they got the last test and figured out that I know all my schooling its only my personal life that I do not remember. The home was beside the beach with the family playing volleyball in the photo, the house was carved nicely along the shore and the sun was rising behind the home. I walked up the rocky path into the home and ran my fingers across the handle and twisted it pushing the door open. The air rushed past my hair and the fullness of the house didn’t bring back not even one memory. I walked towards the mirror in the hallway and stared at the figure staring back at me. Green eyes glared back at me as I moved my black hair out of the way to visualise the stitches. My hands were steady as my finger tips carefully ran across the threaded womb, I didn’t feel any emotion at all. I didn’t feel like crying or that my life has just went to waste, I felt like I'm just given another chance to live my life again, or fix any mistakes I have made, the only problem is that I don’t know my mistakes.


Jacob stayed near me the whole time we I wondered through the hall ways at my home. I traced my hands along paintings and figures and smelt each flower, I wouldn’t expect my father and brother to have such a creative home. The stairs were freshly stained and glass ran along the railings, a rug led down the steep hall way to a bright room with a big window. I wondered down the hall with Jacob following my steps, and my father still downstairs. The room was a master bedroom with a deck and window that filled a whole wall in the room, the bed was neatly made and the white sheets glared the sun into my eyes. Above the bed were many picture frames with photos of children and parents, the children looked like me and Jacob and the parents looked like my father and I couldn’t recognise the women in the photo.


“She’s beautiful.” I ran my hand along the frame of my father and the women beside her.


“Our mother passed away three years ago, car crash also, except it was worse.” He stood beside the bed along with me and looked at the photo of our mother and father. I let my eyes wonder to another photo of our family without our mother, at Jacobs graduation.


“Jacob, how old are you?” I turned towards him slowly feeling ashamed to ask this question, even if its not my fault.


“Twenty-two, yes still living at home, its been hard since mom passed away to get into university so I stayed here, I applied at a few places though so hopefully I can get started this year.” I nodded and walked out of the room. “Dad really feels bad about this you know.”


“I can tell, I don’t know what happened though so I cant hold it against him in anyway.” It was true, I cant hold it against him that I wont ever be able to live like I use to because I don’t know what happened to say so.


“Its not that you would hold it against him, he thinks its his fault for getting into the crash, even if it was a drunk teenager who crashed into us.” Jacob walked in front of me instead of behind me down the stairs and walked to the kitchen where our father was.


I didn’t even reply to what Jacob said, there was no point you cant pull shame like that away from someone especially if you don’t remember what happened. Someone knocked on the door and I took over my dads cooking while he answered it. Eight people stood at the door and had either flowers, pies, cards, or balloons, they all walked in and wondered towards the kitchen where I was. I took the food off the stove and set it in a big feeding bowl, placed it on the counter and walked towards the group. Every ones faces when they saw me knew they would have to introduce themselves like were just meeting for the very first time, so I walked towards them and shook their hands to break the amount of worry they had to make the first move. Each name was easy to remember and they also introduced where I use to know them from, they listed off things like, high school, work, fathers friend, close friend, and the last one said girlfriend.


The young girl around seventeen had tears in her eyes and I didn’t know what to feel, I didn’t know what to do but just go on how things were. “Adam, I'm Sierra and if you want to either start over or not have us happen at all just tell me now.”


I felt comfortable enough to take her hand. “Sierra I'm the same person and I just have to start over, I'm keeping my life the same as if the crash never happened.” She didn’t know what to say, her cheeks curled into a smile and she knew right then that the Adam I was is the guy I am now.










All the guests left and they were able to have a conversation with me like life was the same. I settled into my room which was located by the living room and had an amazing view of the beach. A huge smile appeared on my face and I opened my closet to find jeans and shirts and socks folded nicely in piles and hangers, books were arranged by series and a guitar was on the stand in the corner. I removed the guitar from the stand and sat on my bed, placing my fingers into place I strummed down once , a beautiful sound that never knew I could do came out of the wooden carving. The strings hummed following the next cord I strummed, I played four cords in a row and made patterns out of them.


The sun was setting and it shined on the water along the beach, my life felt complete. I held the guitar and looked in the mirror. The mirror had photos stuck along the frame, photos of me and Sierra, photos of me and Jacob, photos of me and my father, and at school with friends.


This is great, as long as everyone else can go along with it, I can to, make life the best I can as if I'm starting over from a better beginning.“Its as if I was just born alive and with everything I’ve ever wanted.” The figure in the mirror smiled at me and I went back to playing guitar.





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