June 19, 2012
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The yellow line passes as fast as your rage. You race along the curved edge as I watch the crashing waves slam the rock wall. I imagine the way your truck would fall and the feeling where my stomach comes out my mouth. We would hit the water like falling onto a concrete floor. Your neck would snap back and I would be lurched forward just to be jerked back. Water would fill the cab from a hole in the tiny back window. I would try to unlock the door but only you can do that and you are passed out slowly drowning with a bloody nose. I would bang on the window and push on the door. I would waste all of my energy trying to get out. My breath would run out and my heart would slow. I watch the rocks on the bottom of the ocean settle with sand. Things would slowly fade to black and end.
We round the corner to the end of the road and you’re still yelling about how you can’t possibly be the father because you just got out of rehab and that one night that I visited could not have made this much of a mess. You pull out your stash of pills from underneath your seat and down the bottle. You say you don’t want it and to get rid of it. I say no and you come back with a deeper stab saying you never loved me. Saying I am nothing just another play toy. I panic knowing what has happened to your other ones and I beg you to let me out of the car. You go faster as we brace the sharper corners. Yelling about your grief and how you can’t take the pressures of society any more that people make you crazy and they are the reason for your addiction. You look at me and laugh at me. You take a left instead of a right with the corner and it is as if you had read my mind. Your neck snapped as the water rushed in and the salt made it hard to breath. The current pushed water in and I couldn’t hold my breath anymore. Water poured in and things turned pitch black. That was not the end.
I was pulled from the water and could feel the burn of the salt rise up and down in my body with CPR. His blurry blue eyes flooded my vision and I could hear his heart beating with determination. The water gurgled out of my mouth and I could breathe again. He sat back and wiped the water from his own face. He smiled and picked me up leaving you lying in the middle of the road with your bloody nose still running.

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