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No more

“Push your care, push your burdens aside. Erase everything inside and leave just one thing on your mind.” Brogan let the lyrics screech out of her, like a devil inside.

The car barreled down the gravel of that old country road, flying like a bat out of hell. Anger was rising faster than clarity could resolve. How could Aedan leave like that? The thoughts of his face brought on the pain like daggers inside her chest. Her mind running far too slow compared to that green old pickup.

“Aedan!” The name seeming like acid on her tongue, she spit it out quickly.

As she spit out his name, her foot pushed harder. The car began copying a snake’s movement, taking uneven turns beside each tree line. Any thought of control for her was gone, the vacancy that Aedan had left in her heart. Tears fell along her rough face; they fell as fast as the waterfall she knew as a child. Mountains could not hide her pain, she knew that was true. Anger and confusion began mixing two highly poisonous chemicals for a girl in pain. The foot pressed down harder, speed gaining a big leap. She began to let go, her emotions taking complete control. She was nothing without Aedan, absolutely nothing. The thought crossed like a branding iron on her forehead.

No matter how many times those lyrics played, she just couldn’t believe. Those words seemed as foreign as this life now to her. Nothing mattered but Aedan. Images of dark chocolate hair and sweet grassy green eyes took all of her mental state. She hadn’t the capacity for anything more, no longer. Luxurious scenes of the two of them flowed in her mind. For a slight second, the pain seemed to hide from her. But, no so long before it came back throwing flames and spitting fire balls. Her foot pushed down farther.

“Aedan! Why Aeden, you a** hole! Why would you be so stupid?” Terror rose from her, with no one to save her.
The wheels bounced on the gravel, matching her despair. Hope was lost inside her farther than anything else she had ever known. The daggers came again, harder, and stabbing faster this time. Anger began bubbling up again, the lava inside her throat. She compensated her lack of speech now by pushing her foot farther. The car began to fly, blurs in vision. She couldn’t be seen, nothing could be seen, nothing mattered, and she didn’t matter anymore. She was the beginning and the end to God’s mistake.
Dink, dink, dink, quickly before her eyes, the noise was there and then it was gone. The window swallowed in air from outside ripping through Brogan’s hair. Her phone out the window, before her mind could even process what had happened. Anger consumed her, her vision a crimson blur. She was blind. Her foot stepped farther.
Her hands began to slide as something whispered to her to let go. The voice sounded of thick farmer boy twang. Her sweet Aedan was there, he was there with her. That comfort, the voice, her brother. It was all going to be alright, if she just let go. Sliding into submission her back arched into her seat, her head lulling back. Tight wrung nooses let go of their binding grasp. The nooses fell.
Her eyes became black as they glued themselves shut. A sweet melody released her lips, giving away her mind. “Push your care, push your burdens aside. Erase everything inside and leave just one thing on your mind.” Aeden was the solo of her symphony, the only thing on her mind.
Crash! Snap! Screech! The symphony could no longer be heard, a quite hiss the only thing heard for miles. Green and rusted metal fused with the earth with the now absent motion. Fluids drained from the mess, like small irrigations. Smoke spewing out of the chimney on a cold winter’s night. Impact was instantaneous, pure, and direct. Pain was no longer in her mind. But, then again neither was Aedan.



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