Senseless words on paper. I do not understand. Confusion fills my body to a boil. How do they know? How do they know all of this and I don't? Am I dumb? Am I stupid? They continue on as I try to figure out what happened in the last chapter. I feel as if I'm a dandieloin in a field of roses. I carrie on with the others and hide behind my hair. I never raise my hand afraid of the stares I'll get if I answer wrong. What if they laugh at me? I always think that its too late to review. Too late to ask questions. I kick myself when I know the answer and I don't raise my hand. But how can I? The enviroment is too stressful. Tests are only to be described as being an ant under a magnifine glass being burned water and people watching me squirm. Unable to get away and always knowing the pain would follow me. Persperation starts in my armpits when I'm called on. I don't know what to say. My stomach drops and my vision gets blurry. The others are so far ahead of me and shining with new knowlage. I feel like an angle who hasn't earned her wings and has to watch the others fly while she tries to figyer out why she can't be apart of it all. I feel so lost. I stare down at my paper while other class mates are yelling and begging to be called on. I sit in the corner. Hair hiding my face. Red as a cherry. Picking at my already peeling navy nail polish. Why can't I be smart? Why am I the only one stuck in this position? Why do I have to be the dandilion?
May 23, 2012