Wilbur's Black Friday Adventure

May 22, 2012
By Anonymous

Wilbur awoke to a night owl’s hooting and leapt out of his twin-size bed, eager to begin his annual Black Friday bargain hunting. He donned his favorite “I Love My Dalmatian” shirt and savored a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios at a table set for one. For the third time that early morning, Wilbur examined the day’s schedule and memorized the start times for each of the seventeen sales he was hoping to hit up by noon.

JC Penney’s was opening at 2 a.m. and was the first stop on Wilbur’s list. He arrived at 1:15 a.m. and was disgusted by the line that wrapped around the shopping center twice. Still, Wilbur was determined to get the purple polka-dotted suitcase set for his niece, Alyssa, so he trudged his way to the back of the line. At 1:45, the line began to compress as impatient shoppers moved closer to the door. When the pudgy manager opened the dirty glass doors, chaos erupted. Despite his large frame and intimidating demeanor, Wilbur was a victim of the boisterous crowd. His size 16 feet were stomped on and his shoulder-length hair got stuck in the zipper of an elderly woman’s purse. Still, Wilbur knew he had to find a way to get that suitcase set. With sweat dripping down his back, he pushed away everyone in sight until he reached the entrance. His plan was to run up the escalator at least three steps at a time and get to the luggage before his greedy fellow customers.

When he reached the JC Penney front doors, two large men in black suits came up to him and grabbed him on either side. Wilbur kicked and screamed like a 6-year-old girl as they escorted him to his ’96 VW Golf. When he finally settled down enough to squeeze into the tiny car, he began to weep as he pictured Alyssa’s face on Christmas morning, disappointed with the pink striped duffel bag that Wilbur would end up buying for her. Wilbur was reminded once again this Black Friday of the droning voice of his therapist, warning him to control his anger.

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