Have you ever stayed up all night and watched the sunrise in the morning; Heard the quiet of the world still sleeping; saw the dew dripping from the strands of grass reflecting the beauteous glow of the rising sun. I saw the pink glow light up the wall as I groggily laid in Johns arms. Turning my head I saw the sun stretching against the gentle mountainside, the lake shined a rainbow of colors. The world was silent for a moment; no words could express the beauty that was lying before it. I could feel the gentle beat of John’s heart; I could see the gentle rise of his chest as he softly breathed in. The gentle line where his smile sits is now smooth: his face was peaceful and somewhere else. I wondered where he was then, where was his dreams taking him? Was he in the jungles of South America or in a place similar to where we lay at this moment? Laying my head onto John’s chest I thought of how right things were in the moment. My mind could not help be envious of the life that John was granted. He was beautiful and healthy, which didn’t make sense why he chose to be with me. While most avoided the subject, I understood I had an expiration date stamped on my forehead. My frail bones and pale complexion was not the worst of my worries. Now I regret to say I dragged someone else into my freak show of IV’s and blood transfusions. Although it is rather selfish of me, I’d rather not let him go.
May 16, 2012