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It Burned

It burned. I remember that much. I remember the fire that slowly trickled down my throat, heating my entire body. I remember it well. My friend was hungry and left to find food. She invited me to come along, but I stayed in the crowded room, the smells of each person mixing to create a nearly noxious aroma. Then he showed up out of no where, now-obvious mischief in those gleaming green eyes. In his hand was a red Solo cup. When I inquired what was in the cup, he assured me it was Sprite. Relief washed over me as I realized I wasn't the only sober person at this party. After getting bumped and knocked into, he suggested we go sit on the couch. So we did. Well, I did. He just stood there, smiling down at me. He placed his cup on the wooden coffee table, confessing that he wasn't a Sprite fan. Then, just like that, as quickly as he came, he was gone. I relaxed a bit and let my guard down. Within seconds I was being pushed against the couch. Someone forced my mouth open and I saw the cup being grabbed from the table. Its contents were poured down my throat, and my whole body went numb. I couldn't fight back. Then everything went black.


***********************


As I sit in the quiet police station, the officer finishes writing down my story. The florescent lights reflect off the sweat on his balding head. I don't know how I got here. I don't remember ever being asked to be brought here. The officer looks up at me with tired blue eyes. He's been here for hours as I struggle to tell him what happened.


"Now," he practically yawns, "can you remember anything else May?"


"Yeah," I say while staring down at the blue tiled floor. Tears come to my eyes as I say, "It burned."



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This article has 9 comments. Post your own!

MineSkipe said...
Aug. 19, 2012 at 4:39 pm:
nice! I liked it alot.
 
Boota replied...
Sept. 2, 2012 at 5:36 pm :
I agree with the others, you should really expand on this
 
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NitashaS said...
Aug. 18, 2012 at 2:58 pm:
Very intriguing! I like how it was set up, you're thrown right into the story, with no information about what's going on. You built the suspense and when that last line about being pushed donw came up, I'm sure everyone jumped a little in their seats ;) Definitely try and expand this, it has a lot of potential! :D
 
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WSwilliamsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 20, 2012 at 1:13 pm:
This could be a foundation for a novel. It was short, but it kept me interested.
 
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these-roses said...
Jun. 24, 2012 at 10:05 am:
is this going to be turned into a book? i think it would be good if you did :)
 
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CheshireKat_95 said...
Jun. 19, 2012 at 8:16 pm:

I know, I know, you don't know me and didn't ask for feedback... but it's what I do! Feel free to ignore me completely, if you wish! ;)

So let me begin by saying that I love this! Your writing is eloquent, your story length about perfect, your grammar spot-on, your spelling flawless (THANK YOU FOR GOOD SPELLING AND GRAMMAR!). However, may I suggest one thing?Your little details add so much to this story (and the other stories you've posted as well), but one thing I would suggest is eve... (more »)

 
mariathepinkie replied...
Jul. 16, 2012 at 6:09 pm :
Incredible storytelling and creativity. I love your word choice and how the writing flows. I feel like it's good that it's not overcrowded with excess detail, but the included detail is extremely vivid. This makes for a misterious component. It leaves me really intrigued! 
 
mariathepinkie replied...
Jul. 16, 2012 at 6:09 pm :
*mysterious
 
Randomscreennamelalalala replied...
Aug. 26, 2012 at 8:48 pm :
Cool. Short and to the point. Maybe you could add something about how she got to the party, like, 'I never should have let Amy drag me along'.
 
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