The Fall of Man

May 2, 2012
By Anonymous

He quickened his decent through the narrow hole. Pain’s piercing blows reaching the inner-most parts of him. The hole had become impossibly vertical, and the man simply fell the final distance to the bottom. For the bottom was his destination, and the worse he felt when he arrived, the better.

Broken bones in his legs and feet welcomed him to the pit. A shallow pool of blood formed around the man’s collapsed body. This was a welcome sight to him, but it wasn’t over yet. The light from above was still shining down, illuminating the otherwise dreary pit of filth. The man knew that the light would never cease, and this angered him.

The pit spread out in all directions from the small opening of the hole, the farthest reaches cloaked in shadow. It was there that the infuriated man dragged himself to, collecting maggots and scum along the way. He could be heard muttering about his “Good fortune,” not being sarcastic in the least.

He settled in to his favorite spot among the decay. Many times had he visited this morbid dungeon before, but not against his will. For this dungeon is such that there is no key, no wicked gate, nothing preventing the troubled souls who “fell” down the hole from leaving. Free will alone kept the man imprisoned.

So many times had the sorrowful man told himself he would never return here again. And yet, there he lay: Cold, alone, suffering, desperate; desperate for help, yes, but not accepting it. The contriving mind of the torn soul would seem mad to any observer. He chose to believe his own false thinking rather than to accept the truth. For the truth has been made exceptionally clear, and there is no excuse for such madness.

This is where he belonged. Or so he thought. Countless times over he had boldly proclaimed that he’d not be back, that he’d accepted that he was wrong, that he had changed. It was then that a hand made of light would pull him out of despair and misery. However, he would return. Whether it be days, months, or even years, was uncertain. The only certainty was that he would indeed crawl back into the deathly reaches of the pit.

Of all the times the man had returned to this wretched tomb, he never succumbed to failure in the end. He always chose to be saved by the hand of light. It is for this reason that what he said this time was unexpected.

“I’ve been here before. Many, many times,” the man said slowly. “I am not blind, you know. Although, maybe I should put out my eyes. Isn’t that what you said? Yes, you said something like that once. That would solve all my problems, wouldn’t it?” He paused to vomit up more blood, smiling.

“I deserve this, you know. Oh, but of course you do!” He screamed through his raspy throat, “If you know everything, and can do everything, why then am I here? Hmm? Why do I always find myself in this lair of doom?” He had now begun hitting his head against the rocky wall in frustration.

“What is the point of trying anymore? Time after time I try. I try to be better! And when everything is going well, I give in.” He paused again, but this time he was deep in thought. Coming out of his trance, he continued, “Why is it that you let this happen to me? You say that you love me, but why can’t you stop me? For a short while, I become “good” again, but always. Always. I end up back in this pit, where my only friends are the maggots that gnaw on my remains.”

“Am I doomed to repeat my mistakes? Can the pattern not be broken? Why do you still love me?” His voice trembled, “I just can’t live like that. Not anymore. Leave me here, in this pit of self-detention. I will rot here, because I am not worthy of your love. I am no friend to you.” Before curling up, he whispered, “I have failed.”

The man had finally given up. Not in the sense of giving up the countless times before. This time, he had really given up. It was without question that he would again accept the hand of light eventually… right? He had spoken of an “Unconditional Love” before; A truth that cannot be ignored. The pattern has begun again, and he has again chosen to believe his own falsities.

And then, a gruff whisper echoed throughout the pit. “I know you love me. I don’t know why or how you do, but I know it. I’m just sick of myself. I’m sick of living a lie. I’m the hypocrite of hypocrites; vainly proclaiming my self-righteousness.” Through tears he continued,

Forgive me:
I bring you shame and dishonor,
Where nothing but glory and honor are due.
How do I break this pattern; become more like you?
I’ve wallowed in the pit far too long;
Far too often.
I need you, oh God,
To take hold of my heart; soften it.
These tears of shame I want not to keep.
Throw away my past desires;
Burn them in the fiery heat.
Without You, all is for nothing.
Take my heart of stone,
And make my life mean something.
Forgive me.

The pit grew blindingly bright, and the hand of light reached down. The man took hold of it, and was carried back up. Never again was he seen in the pit of sorrows. He is forgiven.

The author's comments:
A dark, physical representation of my mental struggle between God and pornography.

Take from it what you will. I hope it helps someone else who has also struggled with pornography.

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This article has 4 comments.

spudbud GOLD said...
on Aug. 1 2013 at 12:22 am
spudbud GOLD, Newton, Kansas
19 articles 4 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Have they not been made such a fool in their squalor?

For they desired a sign and sought for the wise

When the precursor of life was right in front of their eyes" - Wolves at the Gate

Thanks for reading, and for the feedback. Now that typo is going to bug me though. >=/

on Aug. 1 2013 at 12:04 am
Kit-Kait BRONZE, Amherst, Virginia
1 article 0 photos 54 comments
I've never had such a problem - perhaps only a minor one, which would be a soda addiction, but that is very unimportant - and I found this piece astounding ... Nor was I expecting this much thoroughness and deep thought... You've showed [the] readers that, although you may think that you are done, you are over, you can easily be forgiven, and what you have done can be forgotten ... If you have the strength, the will, to move on, you can pass over your fears, and rise over your mistakes and problems ... Thank you for showing this to me. I, truthfully, do not have a strong belief in this God we speak of, we hear of, we think of... I am still finding my path, and accepting what is before me, whatever future is bestowed upon me..., But I have always heard that we are unconditionally loved, and, no matter what we do, who we are, or what we choose, He still loves us ... And I believe my own, fickle way. Just as a side note, at the beginning [the very first paragraph], I think that instead of "decent" you mean "descent"... That is truly the only error I see... The piece itself, I believe, is beautifully written and very thought out..., Thank you for writing this. Five out of five stars. Keep writing! -Kait[lyn]

spudbud GOLD said...
on Jun. 14 2012 at 1:33 pm
spudbud GOLD, Newton, Kansas
19 articles 4 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Have they not been made such a fool in their squalor?

For they desired a sign and sought for the wise

When the precursor of life was right in front of their eyes" - Wolves at the Gate

Thank you. You've actually encouraged me a lot. I am sorry to hear about your friend, but I am glad that this piece can apply to more than one situation.

on Jun. 11 2012 at 10:11 pm
Kestrel PLATINUM, Warrenton, Virginia
29 articles 11 photos 190 comments

Favorite Quote:
-There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy. (Shakespeare, Hamlet)

This is very deep, very well written. I understand why you put it anonymous, away from judges. As a written piece alone, I thought it was well done. I read it before I read you side note, and instantly thought of a friend of mine with a drug issue. :-/ good job, though

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