The Letter

April 24, 2012
By , Hemet, CA
Dear Father, I know you loved me. You always said you did, but even though you always told me that it sure didn't feel that way after you abbandoned me, my sister, and your original wife. I was only seven dad. Why did you have to leave me like that, your best friend just tossed aside like the delicate rag doll she was. You changed me out for the son you've always wanted, and it's shown that he's become your favorite for the past nine years. I don't think I've ever told you that even though you'll always be my dad, you've done immense damage to who I am today. You've broken me to countless nights of tears daddy. Nights that will never be regained.

Dear Mother, I can always balance out the good and bad with you. If you weren't yelling at me and making me feel utterly degraded, you were cheering me on for my above average accomplishments. I hope you realize how much I loved you and everything you've ever done for me. Even when I was mad at you, even when I swore at you and cursed, even when I thought you were absolutely the worst mother on the planet. I still loved you. You taught me every life lesson that I could learn.

Dear Jovan, of all the people in my life, you are the one to blame. You've abused me and beatten me when I speak out about it. When I try to run, you find me. You never loved me and never will, for love doesn't scar its lover. You have taken away all I held precious and changed my title of purity to the titles of; sk*nk, stupid, and sl*t. I trusted you and you used that against me, you abused me mentally and physically to my breaking point. You have made my life a living hell and now it's your turn to face the wrath of life. I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for you. I hope you realize how horrid of an animal you are.

Dear Nicole, you are the most incredible sister I could ask for. You've always been there for me and myself likewise. We shared secrets and stories, though I kept many from you. You were the only true best friend I've ever had which makes this harder to do. Do not fear for me, for I know I will go to meet God. Let him be the judge of my actions and I will see you again. Just know that when I take these pills, my mind will have been made. I'm at the point of desolation and hopelessness. It may be a "permanent answer to a temporary problem" but people only say that because they don't know how it feels. You and I both know that to be true. Until we meet again in heaven Nicole, I'll always love and watch over you.

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