My fingers drummed to a rhythmless beat against my thigh as I sat there with my legs crossed. My eyes flitted around the room studying everything; mainly the massive potted plant seated by the window. Eye contact was never my strong suit.
I did scan him every so often, adding the occasional nod or polite remark, as to give the illusion that I was engaged in his mindless small talk, when in reality I hadn’t the slightest idea as to what he was actually saying. Chit chat can absolutely be a nearly fool-proof method of “breaking the ice”, so to speak, but I quite honestly had practically no interest in what team our school would be playing next. I was here to discuss a class project, not trivial social matters.
“Are you okay? You seem to have something on your mind.” He declared. I raised a questioning eyebrow. Here was a kid who’d only known I’d existed for the better part of a few hours, and he’d already decided was capable of claiming when I was distracted. Highly unlikely.
I denied it. He knew.
“What’s wrong?” He persisted. Not the type to lay all my problems out for the world to gaze upon, I decided to give him a half answer, hoping to pacify him.
“Nothing you need to worry about.” I assure him. He wasn’t satisfied. He was persistent to say the least, never wavering in intention, or letting the subject drop. He kept at it for so long, that I eventually found that the words were pouring past my lips as quickly as my mind could think of them. It was like I had always wanted to tell someone what was wrong and had just been waiting till that very moment for the opportunity.
When I finally finished with my saga, he shot me a knowing smile that aged him well past his years. He nodded slowly before stating, “Well you don’t need to worry about that stuff anymore, cause I just know we’re gonna be best friends forever.” The statement was lighthearted and joking, but for some reason, I felt like deep inside he was sincere.
As time ticked by, that stranger melted away. He was replaced by a familiar face and a kind word in the hallway, later evolving into a sense of security and trust. Both were new to me, but were welcomed. Before long it was as if the two of us were inseparable.
Now make no mistake, I was by no stretch of the imagination in love with this guy. As our friendship progressed, he simply just became an idol to me. A role model if you will… It’s only recently that I have wondered if I was wrong.
Webster’s Dictionary defines forever as, “For a limitless time” or “At all time”. Why I actually took the time to look this I’m not sure, but it made me think. With such an ultimatum for a definition, one would be compelled to think that forever actually means something.
I’m not one to usually share my emotions like this however; I’m not worried of him ever reading this. I know he won’t, because forever ended the day that I pushed him away.