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Diary of a Psycho - Just Another Dream
Ever since kindergarten, I've missed her. I've known her name all my life and now I finally see her. It's like I woke up to see her blue eyes when she came back to school and they just made my heart stop.
I don't think she knows what she's putting me through. While I'm content with Ian, that's very true, he's just...he's not there. He's so far away. Dakota is right in front of me every day, and my heart beats faster at the sound of her voice.
She doesn't know what it does to me when she says "I love you!" because I know she really doesn't. It hurts so badly to dream of her, then wake up and know it was just another dream that will never come true.
This has been going on since she came back.
I have to do something about it...
Even though she doesn't talk to anyone but Airianna, I have to try. I've got to stop being afraid to be who I am and try to get what I want... And right now, what I want is her. I just hope it works out the way I want it to instead of backfiring like usual.
I've noticed that all my entries are like lectures about prejudice or rants about my life. More often than not, it's a rant. I go on and on and on...and then I look back and wonder why I complained.
Why do I complain? Because it hurts.
But I thought I liked pain?
I have no idea.
I really need to figure that out.
I also need to figure out if Dakota really does mean it when she says "I love you!" and forms a heart with her fingers.
Well, there's two things on my to-do list. I think that's good enough for now... For now.