Repetition

April 9, 2012
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Sigourney was the quiet, respectable, never sought after, nerdy type of girl. She kept to herself for the most part, friends here and there but only one understanding her as a whole.
Nialle was her best friend and the one person she went to for everything and the only person who understood why she does what she does. Not even Nialle could convince Sigourney to step out from hiding and confess to her crush of four years.
“Just…speak”
“It’s easier than it looks” Sigourney cried childishly.
She had liked Kaid for some time (four years) and not once had she said a word to him. It was her senior and she still went around just watching, never speaking and staying at bay. She knew she was a coward and should just confess but she was shy and she was a nerd and he was popular. The two did not mix.
She’d had many opportunities to talk to him, many of which presented themselves and not once she take a chance and just talk to him. Not even a simple, small, “hi.”
Most of her chances came at work, in the school library. He came in once a week always asking the same question. She remembered the first time he came in.
“Where is the history section?”
She could only point out which way to go. The words were stuck in her throat. She thought he gave her a funny look and maybe he did but all she saw were forest green eyes and a bright smile.
“Thanks” he said.
She was utterly stupefied that day. He came in again after that, same day and time and again he asked,
“Where is the history section?”
At first she thought he was just messing with her, maybe he found out she liked him and was just tormenting her. Or maybe he had bad memory. Again she pointed out where to go her voice seeming to have left her, again.
Even thought it was the only communication, mainly on his part it still made her heart jump and put a cheeky grin on her face.
There were three weeks left until graduation and she made a vow that rather than showing him where to go, she would tell him. She was going to speak. Nialle teased her calling her silly and she was acting more immature than before but she encouraged her nonetheless.
She worked diligently trying not to pay attention to the clock. She stole glances at the door and the clock just above it.
It was time.
The door open and her heart raced. It was going to happen. She silently cursed herself as a first year walked in. he didn’t come. All her courage and excitement suddenly sank and she felt silly for even hoping like that. The day she decided to not be in her shell is the day he decided to not show up. She didn’t give up though, she stayed positive.
She waited again the next week.
He didn’t come.
Again the next week.
He didn’t come.
The next week was graduation and by that day she’d accepted he was just toying with her among other things. She even made a list of reasons why he didn’t show up those last three weeks.
1.
He knows I like him
2.
He was only teasing me
3.
He no longer needed the history section
4.
I had food in my teeth
5.
He was busy with graduation being so close
6.
He forgot
7.
??
8.
??
Graduation day
Sitting in the second section row eight she felt hot, sticky, and silly. The gym was not meant to have over two thousand people in it all so close together. Even the doors were open and barn fans blowing the hot air out but it was still hot. It wasn’t helping wearing the gown and having her hair in curls on her shoulder. She even wore light clothing beneath but it was still too sticky.
She glanced around hoping to see him. He looked so different in a black down eyes focused on the stage. Not the person she remembered coming into the library. Even then he still didn’t look at her.
Cursing to herself she faced the front. She’d already accepted that she was never going to speak to him. Graduation was here and she had let her shyness stop her from taking a chance.
“It’s all the way in the back corner” she whispered, “go left then back”
She stood and faced him fists clenched. “Go all the way left then right and all the back. History section”
Laughter erupted around her. She’d been so far off day dreaming she had actually stood in the middle of graduation ceremo0ny and told him where the history section was. She sat her cheeks burning with embarrassment. She really was a fool.
“Sigourney Pentel”
She looked at the principal and smiled. A shiver went through her as she walked across the stage. If she had actually done that she would have left the building forgetting her diploma. She silently thanked god it was just a day dream.
As she left the stage she made another vow. She would step outside her comfort zone and take more chanced. She wasn’t going to be the same shy and awkward girl from high school anymore.
Two years later

She stared at the page blankly. She’d been reading the same line for at least two minutes her eyes refusing to go to the next line. She didn’t even remember what she had been reading.
“Excuse me?”
“Hmm?”
She read the line again.
“Do you know where the history section is?”
“Just follow the signs”
“Thank you”
She read the line two more times before raising her eyes to see the person walking the wrong way. Rolling her eyes she left her chair and caught up to them pointing them in the right direction. With a smile she returned to her desk to read the same line again. She shut the book and reclined in the chair. She didn’t even know what the book was about anymore.
“Do you know where the history section is?”
With an inward groaned she pointed.
“Thank you”
She really wanted it to be her lunch break.
“Do you know where the history section is?”
What was this, everyone asking the same question?
She pointed again.
She sat up straight then cocking her head to the side. “Not possible” leaving her desk again she walked briskly towards the history section. There was no one there. At least ten people had asked her where the section was and not one of them was there. She shook her head thinking she was dreaming and just hearing things.
“Do you know where the history section is?”
She turned then to answer but her words were stuck in her throat. He stood before her once again forest green eyes staring at her, a bright smile on his face. She really must be dreaming again, there was no way it was possible. If it was a dream them she could reply right?
“Right down this hall” she said softly a smile on her face.
“Thanks” he responded and brushed past her.
She shivered Goosebumps rising on her arms. Her dream felt like reality. She glanced over her shoulder and watched him peek through the books. She’d spoken to him. Dream or not she had finally spoken to him.
She’d say it was reality and though it wasn’t a confession she had spoken to him. After two years and having been asked the same question hundreds of times she had finally answered, she had finally spoken to him and that was enough for her.
With a smile on her face she walked back to her desk and opened her book once again reading the line but this time she moved forward to the next.





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