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Diary of a Psycho - Chains

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...and every time I do something wrong, they take away someone I love.
Actually, they take away an obsession.
I've written three songs...about him...
But now I'm forbidden to talk to him.
So I take it out on myself. I know it's my fault - I would still be able to email him if I had my iPod. If I wouldn't have figured out the passcode to get on the Internet, I would still have it...
So I try to not eat. I try to cry as much as I can and I try to scar my wrists again. Airianna doesn't even notice. She's the closest friend I have right now, yet she pays more attention to Dakota...
Have I told you about Dakota yet?
No?
Oh.
It's a long story, so I'll just say this:
She moved here recently. She used to go to my school in kindergarten. I remember her...she wore frog pajamas to Play Day because she didn't have any clean clothes. She wore flip-flops covered with blue jean material. I even taught her how to swing because she wanted me to push her on the swings all day long. Blond hair, blue eyes, usually wore overalls...
...and here she comes back to school, in 8th grade, rocking the emo look and attitude, getting high on Sharpie fumes and pot, and cussing out her parents.
Dakota dyed her hair black...and now she has black hair and blue eyes.
Oh, how wonderful.
That was complete sarcasm, by the way.
Now I'm tormenting myself again...I wrote a song for her when she started dating Myers. It was really, really unfair to her that I wrote that the day before he broke up with her. She was devastated...and it made me so sad that I started again.
I swore on Amy Lee's life that I'd never cut myself again. Apparently, her life means nothing to me... I slashed a safety pin up both my arms, twenty one times total the day Myers broke up with Dakota.
The next day, she found out why he broke up with her: he hated her so much that he went out with her just so he could dump her on Valentines Day.
Wow. I can't believe that I ever liked that b------ at all.
And then...she loaned me a CD by Sleep Serapis Sleep. I listened to the eight tracks of heavy screamo metal countless times, then burned another copy of the CD. I gave it back to her the next day...
...and she demands that I sit in front of her at lunch every day. It's probably not a good thing, because that's just another opportunity for me to secretly stare at her while she talks to Airianna.
And when I try to go to sleep, she's there, burned into my mind.
I'm obsessing again...
She even likes Evanescence, too, and Flyleaf. I'm really, really hoping she doesn't just like the music I listen to...

---Kristen





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