its all because of him

February 25, 2012
As a little girl it was all about me. My name said it all, my name’s Allison. The way I looked at it was, “all eyes on me.” I was an only child and my life was perfect. If I wanted something, I got it. There was not a single thing I did not own. I was a proud, spoiled, little brat and I did not care who knew. I would go around singing a song I made up, it went like this: “I’m all that, you’re just fat, I matter more, you do not matter at all, you sit and cry, I point and ask you why, but I really do not care because you smell like a bear.” Now the song does not make any sense. I do not know why I ever sang it. I went through that (as some would call it) stage in my life for about 7 years. I do not see how anybody wanted to be my friend. Even though I had the most friends, there was this one girl that I was not friends with. I really wished we were friends but I do not know why. She was not pretty, skinny, and she had old ratty cloths. I made fun of her more than anyone else. The thing I remember most about her was the fact she always had this weird large book with her. Back then I never could figure out what kind of book it was. But then, it did not really matter. Her parents did not buy her a lot, but then again she never asked for anything. She was a caring, polite girl. She put others before herself. After elementary school, she moved far away and that was the last I heard of her. We never became friends but that book she always carried would later have a bigger impact on my life than I could have ever imagined.

In middle school I was the head cheerleader. I still got everything I wanted. By that time I had the best cell phone, the most cool laptop, the most new iPod, and the best iPad. I cussed more than anyone else, and I did really bad things. I was the most popular middle schooler in the world. If anyone made me mad they would know it, and I would not let it go until I got my point across. Some people called me horrible names including: wh*re, sl*t, and pretty much anything else they could think of. It’s not like I had not heard it all before so it did not bother me. At the school I went to there was a group of what I liked to call “bible thumpers,” they all did everything together, they were like a cult. I thought it was really dumb so I made fun of them. But did it really matter? Sure I was not friends with a few people at the school, but I had the rest of the world on my side. People would have paid to be my friend, but I had all the money in the world so I did not want their money. I had two of the bestt friends; their names were Jennica and Samantha. We did everything together. They were my little followers. They wanted to be just like me. Of course their parents were not as rich as mine, but that was ok. I was at the top and nothing could bring me down. My boyfriend was a high schooler. His name was Austin. Since I had a boyfriend older when it came time to start high school I was not scared like all the other girls.

My first day of high school was amazing. All my classes were with my amazing boyfriend and my two best friends. We even had the same lunch. Of course I was on the cheerleading squad there too. My life could not have been any more perfect. I soon became head cheerleader there too, which was a big deal considering I was only a freshman. I was little miss perfect. Nobody was even half as perfect as me. The high school I went to had a really big group of bible thumpers. Austin, Jennica, Samantha and I made fun of them like normal, it did not affect them, so they said. Inside I felt a little bad but I had done it my whole life, no need for any changes now. There was nothing in the world that could have brought me down. But all that went downhill. I lost everything and I lost everyone.

On my parents way to pick me up from cheer practice one night they got in a head on collision with a semi. They were killed instantly. I sat at practice waiting for them and then my phone started ringing. I looked at the screen and did not recognize the number so I just let it ring thinking they would just hang up, but they didn’t. I finally answered it. On the other side of the phone was a police officer. The first thing he said to me was “is this Allison?” after I said yes he started telling me everything that had happened. I fell to my knees and started to sob. How could this happen to me? I’m the most popular, beautiful, skinny, head cheerleader, with the quarterback boyfriend, and I’m the good-at-everything girl, this could not be real. I manage to say “am I dreaming?” it was quiet for a moment and then he replied with a short but sympathetic “no!” I hung up the phone and continued to cry. I did not know what to do; I did not know who to call. If there was a God, why would he do this to me? He took my parents, the people who gave me everything. This so called God must be evil. There is no way I could ever even come close to loving him. If he took people’s lives for a reason, he made a big mistake, those were my parents and I wanted them back. He could have taken anyone else’s parents from them but not mine.

The only person I knew to call was my grandma. I had not talked to her in a really long time. My grandma was a really strong Christian. I hated to say it but she was a bible thumper. When she answered the phone she was in tears, she hardly could let out a hello. She did not know who it was so I quietly replied, “hi grandma, it’s me, Allison.” She started to cry even harder and she managed to say “oh baby girl im so sorry, God has a reason for everything. They are up in heaven watching down on you.” I wanted to reach through the phone and knock some sense into her, but I could not. I had to admit that I needed her as much as she needed me. I finally asked her if she would pick me up. She hurried and came, as we were in the car I got two texts from Jenn and Sam. The screen said to call them a.s.a.p., so I did a three way. I was still in tears when I said hello. They said “babe where are you? Come to Jenn's house now.” I asked my grandma very politely if she could drop me off at Jenn's. She had no problem with that. When I got to her house my grandma kissed me and told me that she loved me and that she would be praying for me. As she pulled out I yelled “I’m going to stay the night, I need my girls tonight.”

As soon as I walked into what i liked to call my second home I saw that the girls had all of my favorite snacks lined up on the floor. I looked at it all and just fell to my knees. Little miss perfect was not as perfect as everyone thought. Jenn's mom sat on the couch and told me to come and sit on her lap, (yes I was 15 but my parents just died give me a break.) she hugged me and I cried into her arms. She kissed me on the forehead and told me to stay as long as I needed. I looked at her and did not say anything. I could not say anything. I had a dry patch in my throat from crying so much. I think she understood, I hoped anyways. Jennica, Samantha and I sat down on the floor and talked. I still could not believe how that dude people called God could just take my parents. It was not fair, I resented him for that. After a while I could not talk anymore, I just wanted to sleep, I was thinking that maybe when I woke I would be in my nice king sized, fluffy bed and my parents would be down the hall cooking me breakfast. As I was sleeping I had this horrible nightmare.

I was running down a long winding road, I just kept going. I didn’t stop until I saw this vehicle coming right towered me, all of a sudden I heard a semi behind me. I jumped out of the way just in time. The two vehicles collided, there was blood everywhere. “Can it be? No, that can’t be my parents.” I ran to the car they were holding hands, dead. Why would I see this? Out of nowhere this ray of light shines down and shines on the car. Where was this coming from? It’s dark outside. There was a man in the light, he was tall with long wavy brown hair, he was in an all-white robe, and he looked at me but proceeded to make his way to the car. He looked at them and placed a hand on them and in a flash I saw them lifted out of their bodies and there they were right beside me. I looked at them in astonishment; the only thing that I said was “how are you here? You’re dead.” They smiled and kissed me on the head and said “it’s all because of God.” Oh no, do not tell me that my parents were bible thumpers too. They started to follow the man into the light, they quickly turned toward me and said “Allison, listen to your grandma, she is not crazy. And Allie we love you, remember we will be together again someday,” I just watched them leave me. Their bodies were still in the car but their souls were gone.

I woke up in tears; I was still lying on Jenn's living room floor. I stood up and screamed. Everyone woke up, her parents ran down the stairs. Jenn and Sam jumped off the floor and they all looked at me and wondered what the screaming was about. I just looked at them and said “I’m so sorry. If that’s ok I’m going to call my grandma and have her come pick me up.” They looked at me weirdly and just nodded. I called my grandma, I was so scared I would wake her, but she was not asleep. I could hear in her voice she was still sobbing, but why wouldn’t she be? She just lost her only daughter. I asked her to come get me. She said “ok” and she was there in less than five minutes. I sat there by the door waiting. When I finally saw her car pull up. I ran out the door and jumped in her car and told her to drive, I had to tell her something. She drove and then I told her my dream. She stopped and just looked at me and then she leaned over to hug me. It was the best hug even if I did not want to let go but I knew I had to. When we finally got to her house she made us hot tea. We sat there and talked while we sipped our tea. She got into the subject about God, but this time I was actually interested. I did not want her to stop. After that dream I had, I wanted to learn more.

I was out of school for three weeks. It was the worst three weeks of my life. But I got to spend it with my family. I was really starting to feel a change. My life was heading down the right path. When I finally went back to school, everyone seemed so sympathetic. They acted like they knew what I was going through but they had no idea. When I first saw my boyfriend I called out his name he ignored me. What was his problem? Did I do something to upset him? It’s not my fault my parents died. Or was it? I mean I am the one they were driving to get; I was the one who told them to hurry. Could it be my fault? Surely not. I found Jennica and Samantha, they seemed kind of distant. What was their problem? I know I did not do anything to them. Oh well if that’s how they were going to treat me after what I had been going through, I did not want to be their friend. They were not good friends, they never were. I walked up to Austin and said “dude it’s over. You’re a jerk! I tried to talk to you and you did not answer. It’s not like I made my parents die. It’s not like I did not want to see you. I was at their funeral. Get over yourself!” He just looked at me with the same blank look he always had. I just walked away. There was nothing else I had to say to him.

My day was so bad. I broke up with Austin, lost my two best friends, and got kicked off the cheer squad, and worst of all I had to deal with the fact I could not just leave and go shopping and talk to my mom about everything. She’s gone, everything I had lost everything and everyone. Why must my life suck? I went from the most popular girl in the world to the girl nobody cared about. The coach would not even tell me why I was kicked off, but really it did not matter. Cheering would only bring up bad memories. I just wanted my life back. I called my grandma right when the first bell rang. I asked her if she would come and get me. She did not hesitate. When she picked me up I looked at her and asked her what I should do. She just said “pray and ask God to help you through it.” I looked at her and just nodded.

As soon as we returned to her house, I went up to my room and fell to my knees. For the first time in my life I prayed. When I was done, I went down the stairs and I felt so much happier. I looked at my grandma and she asked me if I wanted to move my stuff into her house, I said “no, I want to sell it.” She looked at me stunned. “What? Why would you do that?” I just looked at her and did not say anything. But the reason was; I just wanted to start over, I did not want to be reminded of what a spoiled brat I was. I ended up selling everything, except a couple books. In that stack of books I found this one, it was covered in dust. I opened it and on the cover it said “to Allison, from Rosie, I hope that maybe this book will help you.” Who was Rosie? I closed the book and went to the stack of books and found my yearbooks. There was nobody in middle school named Rosie. I opened my elementary book and there she was. The girl I longed to be friends with, the one I made fun of, the one who always carried the bible. I picked up the book from Rosie. I dusted off the front, it was the bible. The book she always carried was in my hands, I had it. When did she give this to me? From that moment on I could never thank her enough. She was my new best friend. A friend I never saw but a friend in Christ.

When I finally decided to go back to school, it was four months after the death of my parents. I was a completely different person. I had Christ in my life and I wasn’t going to change that for anyone. Jennica and Samantha were the head cheerleaders, and my ex Austin was dating Jennica. She was supposed to be my best friend. Whatever, I do not need them, I have God. I became one of the bible thumpers. And I was proud of it. No matter what anyone said, I was happy; even though I did not have my parents physically there I knew I would see them in heaven. In my little bible thumper group there was this boy, his name was Jake. He was the sweetest guy i had ever met. He cared about me and wanted to be with me through everything that I had done. I talked to him for a long time, we became best friends. We then started dating. We dated all throughout high school and all through college. After both of us graduated college we became youth pastors. We decided to get married.

We got married June 2. It was an outdoor wedding; there were so many people there. Everyone from our church showed up and all of our family was there except from my parents. But that’s ok I know they were smiling at me from heaven. Jake and I were so happy, we loved each other and nothing could split us apart. We had 4 beautiful children together; we lived in the country right beside our church. We grew old together and we spent every waking moment with one another. He died at the age of 98. It was two days after our anniversary. I was left alone, again. But I knew I could handle it. God was on my side, I would see Jake again soon along with my parents. I died 6 years later. The same day as Jake. June 2. When I got to heaven I was with my family and we all got to be together forever.

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