Thirteen Days

February 20, 2012
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Day 1
I looked up from my book and searched around the room, waiting for nothing, but expecting everything. I turned around and saw those hazel eyes that tend to melt me every time I catch them. They took hold of mine and caressed them with every blink. I spent night and day drawing a map of them. Detailing every different color and the way they look right through me. I spent every day dreaming of what it would be like to have him right next to me. What it would be like to be have his heart.

Right before he fully walked into the cafeteria James turned to his girlfriend and gave her one final kiss that seemed eternal. Then she turned around and walked away. He walked through the double doors and for the first time he saw me and smiled. I tried to focus back on my book but his smile was forever engraved in my memory. He walked up to me and said the most magical words “What are you reading?” I slowly looked up from my book catching his eyes that sent a rush of happiness through my body.

“A book.” I had no idea what else to say; obviously it was a book, but who can really breathe when their biggest crush is standing right in front of them? Suddenly a reaction occurred that I wasn’t expecting, another smile, making me smile with him. I focused back on my book feeling embarrassed and he walked away. For the rest of the class I stared at the same page recreating those two minutes over and over in my head.

Five minutes before class ended I placed my book back inside my backpack and texted Anna, my closest friend, to wait for me outside of the Gym. As soon as I closed my cell phone I saw him and he spoke again. “I like to carry people.” Confused at that statement I stared at him and in one second he picked me up. My first thought was to tell him to put me down but I didn’t tell him anything. I just stared back into his eyes asking for an answer as to why he did that. After some time I did ask him to put me down and he did as told.

I picked up my backpack and my cell phone and started to walk away from him. He stayed close behind. I walked up to the front of the class waiting for the bell to ring. He stood to my right and bumped me to the left. As any other person would do, I bumped him back but he moved making me glide in front of him losing my balance. I was sure I was going to make a fool of myself by falling to the ground, but I didn’t. He caught me midway through and said “I just saved your life.” At that moment the bell rung and the cafeteria emptied. He walked right next to me until I saw Anna speaking to James’ girlfriend. I ran to Anna and hugged her as if I haven’t seen her in so long. James did the same to his girlfriend.

As Anna and I walked, I asked her for his girlfriend’s name. “Marielle, she’s in Concert Band and Gym with me. She’s really cool. Why?” I just asked for a name. I was not expecting to her why.

“She seems so familiar.”

“Oh, do you want me to ask her if she knows you?”

“NO! I mean, I don’t want to seem like the weird girl who talks to strangers in the hallway.”

“You’re not that weird.” She tried to convince me but I could hear the sarcasm in her voice. I laughed at her attempt to make me feel better. For the rest of the day the same scene played in my head. No matter what I did his face was inscribed in my eyes.
Day 2

The next day I was 5 seconds late to class and he was waiting for me at the door. “You’re late.” I smiled back at him and walked pass him thinking he was waiting for someone else, Marielle. He wasn’t. He placed his arm around my shoulder and walked with me to where I usually sat. I sat down and took my book out again. I searched for my bookmark but couldn’t find it. “Page 105.”

“What?” He kept confusing me; not only twice the day before but once more. I turned to him asking for a reply.

“You were on page 105 yesterday.” I opened my book to that page and surprisingly he was right. I looked back up to him and thanked him. I started to read but after every other paragraph I had to go back and reread it since James and his friend, Kyle, were sitting right next to me talking about playing Monopoly. Kyle rejected his offer but eventually gave in. James asked me with the most adorable eyes to play too. “Please?”

“I really want to read my book.” I stared back at him with the most adorable eyes I could make. “It’s a really good book.”

“You don’t want to play with me?” His voice was so pleading it was irresistible. I was trying so hard to hold myself back and to not say yes. Although I really did want to play with him, I would never let him know that. “Huh?”

“That’s not it.” I needed to buy some more time. I didn’t want him to think I didn’t want to play but I also didn’t want him to think I was desperate. “I just really want to finish this book.”

“Okay, but you have to cheer me on.” I smiled back at him and nodded closing the deal we had made. Just like the day before I stared at my book that was still on page 105. I read the same part over and over again in my book that I remembered each line ‘The smirk returns. Her eyes stay focused on mine.’ Every time I would read those two sentences, my mind would immediately go to him. I would keep asking myself if that was what he was thinking, or if it was just me being paranoid.

After sitting at that table for half an hour someone I knew came and sat down next to me. I was so relieved Jessie came along. She was gone the day before and I thought she was gone that day too. I finally had someone I felt comfortable talking to. “Are you coming to the Tennis reunion this Thursday, Jessie?”

“Yeah, are we supposed to dress up?” I was so glad she asked a question back. I had nothing else to tell her.

“I don’t think so, I mean, we’re going to Red Robin.” She shrugged at me agreeing. I looked at the clock and saw there were two minutes left and started to pack up.

“We have to get a real Monopoly board.” Those were the last words I heard before he came up from behind me and lifted me off the ground. He turned me until I was facing him. The world seemed to stop for that minute that his eyes looked into mine and I looked into his.

We stood there until Kyle came and shoved him forward pushing me as well. James turned around and playfully scolded at Kyle.

I heard the bell and started to walk to the doors. I didn’t even notice the smile I had on my face until Jessie asked why I was smiling. That made me smile even more.

Day 3

Sleep was the only thing I lacked that day. I stayed up until midnight detailing every single event that had happened the past two days. As Anna and I walked towards class I saw what I feared the most, James and Marielle. I was completely hurt on the inside but smiling on the outside. The last thing I wanted Anna or Marielle to know was that I had an overwhelming crush on someone who was taken, James. I waved to Anna and walked away completely trying to ignore the fact that James and Marielle were kissing. It did hurt. It felt as if someone had just taken a dagger and had shoved it into my heart so deep I couldn’t pull it out.

I shouldn’t have fallen so hard for him. I knew he had Marielle, since the first day. I knew he wasn’t open but I still managed to find a window and jump in. Once I was in, I knew I couldn’t get out by myself. I learned that the hard way.

I walked through the doors before him and just like routine he repeated “You’re late again.” I fell back into routine with him and smiled walking pass him. He followed me for some time and then ran to the table where we usually are. Kyle rolled his eyes and I smiled at how childish they both were.

When I got to our table I pulled out my chair and sat down. I pulled out my book one last time and opened it to page 174. I was still on page 105 but I didn’t want him to think that I don’t read at all.

Kyle took out his iPod and he played monopoly with James again. Then someone else joined us at the table. He was the red headed weirdo who I admired so much in the hallways, Mason. He knew people laughed at his style but it didn’t bother him because it was his style. “Hey. Let’s start a new game.”

“No! We’ve been playing this game since yesterday and we’re not stopping.” Kyle said it so seriously it was hard to take him serious. So on instinct I laughed. My laugh must have triggered James so he looked at me and smiled again.

“Stop reading that book.” James tried to take my book away but I wouldn’t let go of it. My right hand was pulling the book while my left hand was being held with his. Finally I gave up. He took my book away and grabbed a pencil out of his backpack. “I’m gonna write my number on a random page.”

“Okay you do that.” I watched as he tried to hide the page number from me and wrote his own number. Then he gave it back. I searched for his number and he watched as I flipped from page to page.

“Why are you looking for it so vigorously?” he asked mischievously. I caught his eyes, shrugged and kept looking. I flipped and looked at each page until I decided it was taking too long and flipped it quicker. “You passed it already.”

“No I didn’t.” I didn’t believe I could have missed it. I was searching so carefully. I wanted to believe myself but I couldn’t. I looked back even more carefully and sure enough there was a number written on a page. “241.”

“Oh, so now you’re gonna memorize that number?”

“No…” I looked away and smiled at my own irrationality. I knew I had completely fallen for him but there was nothing I could do about it

Day 4

This was the last day I was going to see him until next week. I had to make that day last forever and ever. As I walked through the doors I saw him staring at the clock waiting for the bell, waiting for another day for him to say I was late. Even if he knew it wasn’t true. I never said anything against him because I liked every word of it and every pause in between. As hard as I tried to forget his eyes I couldn’t.

The bell rang. He turned around with disappointment that I had beaten the bell but he had a smile on his face. I smiled back without him noticing. I knew he was smiling as he walked away. He was a strong lover. I walked to sit down at our table and stared out through the window. I looked forward and saw a couple in the corner taking advantage of the fact our supervisor wasn’t there. I looked to my right and there sat Jessie doing her homework just like every day, so focused. How much I wished I could have done that, but it seemed impossible with James around.

I tried to ignore my left side but I felt his glare burning through my skin forcing me to turn left, so I did. Sure enough, he had that comforting smile on. That was all I needed to feel safe, all I needed to survive and to feel loved. “You’re not reading! Kyle, she’s not reading!”

“Oh my Gosh, that is not possible!” Kyle had a fake face of astonishment while James wouldn’t stop smiling. I looked away trying to hide the smile that was slowly growing on my face. I knew my face was growing red with embarrassment at my own childish ways. “Why aren’t you reading?”

I shrugged and simply answered “It got boring so I stopped reading it.” That was the biggest lie I had ever committed. I would never stop reading a book. The truth is the only reason I read is to escape reality, but at that time I had James to make my fairytales come true so there was no need for a book.

“You can’t just stop reading a book. If it was published then you have to read it, all of it.” The most immature person told me to read a book; the only person who wanted to be a Penguin Worshipper, the only person who would run across five tables like there’s no tomorrow, told me to read a book.

I laughed. He was serious but it was hard to take him seriously. I was laughing so hard I didn’t even notice James’ hands grabbing the bottom of my chair and pulling it close to his. In my mind I felt as if I should have done something, but I didn’t. I let him pull me closer with every tick of the clock. He placed his arms around me holding me tight enough to feel loved and loose enough to breathe.

It was all so perfect. Right there, that’s where I wished I could have stayed forever. I wished he was only mine. I wished Marielle wasn’t the owner of his heart anymore, but I was a big dreamer. I dreamed for everything impossible.

I would wake up every morning with a smile on my face from the dream I had that night. That dream only lasted for those first 30 seconds until I realized he had a girlfriend and I was only his toy, but when I saw him waiting for me I forgot all the hate I felt for him. That utter hatred for him, turned into what I thought was love. Once he left, the spell he placed on me wore off and left the ugly marks and scars in my heart.

Night 5

For such a long time I wasn’t able to sleep. I was never tired and I was never fully awake. I was always in my own little world surrounded by everything and everyone I loved. That Saturday night I planned on actually sleeping but my plans were abruptly changed. Since I was labeled a nerd, I had to follow with my title, so I read my book that evening. Without noticing I reached page 241 and saw ten digits that brought me back to that day.

Every step and every word was magnified in my mind. Every facial expression was labeled as either “made me smile” or “made me fly”. I stared at the number for minutes. The same thoughts ran back and forth through my mind. Should I text him? Is this even his number? Is he going to think I’m desperate? What if his girlfriend is around? I have the worst timing that she might and I just ruined a relationship. What kind of person am I? Am I really as low-class as I see myself right now?

Finally, I grabbed my cell phone, pressed each button one after the other. I wrote a simple message “I’m on page 241, just so you know” and I sent it. Fifteen seconds after I sent it, a rush ran through me that made me smile like always. I stared at my cell phone for ten minutes and gave up. I set it back on my counter and continued to read. I stopped thirteen pages before the end.

I tried to empty my mind completely from him but I couldn’t, he was always there and he always will. He dug a hole so far down into my heart that I couldn’t see anymore. He had covered my eyes and around me I saw nothing. I couldn’t see the truth or the lie. All I could do was listen to my feelings, and the feelings I had for him were so abstract that I didn’t know what to do.

Just when I thought he would never reply he called. He called but I, being the stubborn person I am, didn’t answer. He called again ten seconds later. That time I was even more tempted to answer. Him calling twice obviously means he wants to talk, right? That question pondered in my head for a long time.

To clear my mind I decided to go out with my sister. I called her and she came over. We drove around and I told her that I was bored of staying indoors. That wasn’t entirely a lie. I was tired of hiding my feelings so deep inside and as much as I wanted to tell her I didn’t want to disappoint her of what she thought of me.

When I got dropped off at home I decided to call him but he didn’t pick up so I went to bed. Right when I was about to fall asleep he called. “Hello?”

“Hey. You’re finally on page 241.” I knew he was smiling. I heard it in his tone. That voice that I would recognize anywhere.

“Yeah, I felt like I had to read it.” That’s all I said. We talked for 20 minutes and then he brought up a topic that I thought would never come up.

“I read your status. Who have you fallen for so hard?” What was I supposed to tell him? After thinking it through I told him it wasn’t important. “Well whoever he is I know that he really likes you and even if you aren’t able to realize that right away, it doesn’t mean it’s not true. Don’t ever be afraid of telling someone how you feel. I’ll call you tomorrow. Goodnight, Beautiful.” I said goodbye and fell asleep with a smile on my face.

Day 6

I woke up that morning staring at my phone, waiting, even if there was nothing to wait for. I spent my whole day waiting for a call that never came. I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t know whether he was busy or he really didn’t want to talk to me. What I did know was what I felt.
I felt so forgotten. He would be on my mind but was I on his? Or was it just a fantasy? Feeling used and betrayed I got out of bed and tried to keep pushing forward. My feet have never felt so heavy, they were chained down. Unable to lift them up, I gave up. There I was the only person in the hallway that would always be smiling, sitting on a couch with dismay. My heart roared asking for attention and compassion.

My parents woke up and saw me there, sitting. To hide my pain I slept. I slept and wished I would never wake up. I wished to sleep for a hundred years and a day. I was already cursed; why not add another one to top it off. I was such a big dreamer. I expected so much out of people and I ended up feeling disappointed.

Those hundred years diminished into an hour, an hour that only seemed to last 10 seconds. I finally managed to get off the couch and get my day started. I went to the kitchen and made myself a bowl of cereal. My parents left a note saying they didn’t want to wake me up and went for breakfast.

Don’t worry; you’re not the first ones to leave me behind. That one single note changed my day completely. I pointed out all the little things James did that I didn’t notice. I didn’t notice how he never said hi, how he never said goodbye. I noticed how he would always leave the room without a final glance. I noticed how in the hallways I was completely invisible. He would pass by and not even notice I was right next to him for that spilt second. Through those double doors I was everything but behind them I was nothing.

For the first time, in my life, I felt utter despair for him. All he wanted was attention, someone to give him the love he was completely desperate for. Although, so did I. I never realized that the only reason why I didn’t want him away was because I needed love as well.

That night I lay in my bed until 11:30, the same time he called yesterday. I stared at it, hoping with eager that he would call. I never lost hope that he would call at some time. When my phone got dark I would quickly press a button and turned the light back on. I didn’t want that light to fade away and be gone.
Once the date on my cell phone turned to February 6th I set my phone down and lost all hope. There was nothing more; there was nothing more to do but sleep. Sleep and never wake up, until God takes me away.
Day 7

I woke up the next day with a plan. My plan was to skip class that day and go somewhere else to avoid him. I planned on going to the library that day. I knew I shouldn’t from my problems or hide myself from the world under a table, but I was afraid. I was afraid of seeing him, afraid of him urging me to fall in love with him and then hurting me.
I headed to the library but I kept walking, I couldn’t stop. I was reminded of the call he made Saturday night and went to him without thinking about it. In my mind I was determined to back away from him if he got too close. If he said one thing from Saturday night I would walk out of that room without looking back.
I walked in and saw him like every day. I walked pass him and said a simple hi. I sat down and he sat down next to me with his chair only a few inches away. Tell him off! Do it now or it’ll never happen! There wasn’t enough determination in my mind to tell him to leave me alone, so I never did.
His chair was so close I couldn’t even stare at him without him noticing. I decided to ignore him and looked outside the window instead. There were clouds of gray filling what was supposed to be a blue sky. A blue sky of happiness and joy that is now covered by darkness and pain, which was all I saw through the portal to the outside.
As I stared out he grabbed my arm and latched on to it. His head lied on top of it and he watched as I drew my eyesight to him. I slowly let my head fall next to his and watched him. His head drew in closer and closer. His face brushed mine and I closed my eyes feeling his heartbeat.
When I closed my eyes his eyelashes brushed up against mine sending goose bumps through my body making me smile. “Why are you smiling?”
His voice made my heart stop and then pound rapidly. “I like smiling.”
“Really, because I think you like someone.”
“That’s a lie.” It was a lie. I wanted to tell him that over such short time I had fallen madly in love with him, but it was risky and stupid to think that. Marielle is in all the memories James created in my heart; she was never out of my mind. That call on Saturday, what says he didn’t say those exact words to Marielle, or worse someone completely different.
I wanted to tell Marielle to at least be careful and to not fall in love too hard, like I did, because in the end she might be the one with a broken heart. As much as I wanted to tell her I couldn’t. I didn’t want to ruin a relationship that seemed so perfect, so right, but it was only an act. When her back is turned, he’s off doing something else, hurting her every day, every minute of her life. How can he live with himself knowing he’s hurting two people at the same time? Does he not have a heart?

Day 8

Lied on once, forgive them, lied on twice, forget them. Those were the words I decided to base my life upon, but after the past week all that was washed away. I forgave him once, twice, and again and again. When will I forget? He has continuously hurt me without trying; not only me, but Marielle as well. I wondered if she ever felt as if there was something wrong between them, if there ever was any tension. Or where they too busy being “in love”?

In love.

Such an odd rhythm of words. They bounce off from lips without knowing the other person’s reaction, without knowing if those words are true or not. So risky, yet so willing to take that chance.

As I waited to be released from Math class there were so many thoughts running through my mind. The thoughts of me not wanting him around and of wanting him right next to me, but only me. I didn’t want to be the left hand and Marielle on the right. I wasn’t brought on to this world to be second, to be the other girl, especially not to be the toy for his game.

I rushed out as the bell rang and made my way to class where he would be waiting for me to be late. I was much earlier that day and I saw him and Marielle. I didn’t want to wait for their lips to touch and my heart to tear, so I kept walking. I was in class before he was. I felt the urge to tell him he was late, but I denied that desire. I sat down as quickly as possible but that’s all. I looked outside as the sun shined in the room comforting my dark soul.

I wanted to fly out and touch the sky and forget I ever met him. I wanted to go back in time to prevent myself from ever meeting him. I would have stopped all the torture I felt and still feel up to this day. After all the time I spent thinking about my unreal dreams, there was only one I could make true, but I never wanted to. I never wanted to talk to him. I never wanted to tell him that I felt used, betrayed and hurt. I didn’t want him to go away. He was all I had. I wasted so much time of my life thinking that someday my life would change completely, that someday he would realize I was the one for him.

That day, he sat next to me, like always. He didn’t hold me tight, he didn’t caress my eyesight, and he didn’t say anything. It was such a relief. I started to believe I was over him, I was completely mistaken. That mere thought, that my feelings were gone for him, were made up and untrue.

That night, I received a sign he wasn’t gone from me. His name lit up on my phone and I quickly opened the message that awaited me. Are you going to kiss him?

I was surprised to see that on my small screen. I quickly responded with No, and even if I did, you wouldn’t know. He brought up again a conversation we had the day he called.

I’m pretty sure I would know. I have a good idea on who this guy is. I stared at it, was he playing mind tricks, or did he really know I liked him? Well, maybe I will, maybe I won’t, we’ll see what happens.

Images of him kissing my lips were the only thing on my mind. I woke up in the middle of the night from a dream. James and I were in a white room, together. When he stopped hugging me I looked around him and saw Marielle crying with anger.

Day 9

As I walked to the table I noticed that the only chair open was the one where Kyle usually sits, across from James. I sat down and James said “Oh, okay, I guess you don’t want to sit next to me. I get it.”

“That’s not it. It’s just that there’s no chair there.” I took out the homework that was due that day and worked on it. Every so often I would look up and he would be watching me with the most irresistible eyes. I looked into his eyes and curved my lips up, and then I would get back to my homework. They were playing the most complex game ever; I couldn’t follow at all, so I stopped paying attention.

James would win again and again until Mason got bored of playing. They placed their cards back into their backpacks, oh so cautiously. As if it was priceless gold they couldn’t possibly live without.

James picked up his backpack and walked around to where I was sitting and pulled up a chair. I watched carefully as he took one step after the other. As he sat next to me he took my arm and curled up with it. I smiled as he caressed my arm with gentle strokes. Mason stood up from his chair and walked away leaving James and me alone at the table.

James released my arm. He crossed his arms on top of the table and placed his head on top of them. I did the same. I felt him getting closer as every second passed. “You’re getting fairly close there.”

I smiled at him and lifted my head up, he then moved in closer to my arms. “Who’s getting closer now?” I responded playfully at his comment. He lifted his head up, stood up from his chair and asked me to follow him. I followed him into a room connected to the cafeteria. He looked at me and pulled me in close. I could hear the beat of his heart. It had a rhythm unlike any other. I wanted to stay there forever. I wanted to stop time.

He pulled me out about six inches and stared at me. He slowly drew himself closer to me. That first wish of wanting him next to me had come true. How much closer can he get? Suddenly, his lips overlapped mine. I felt so loved, cared for and desired. He held me in his arms expecting nothing more from me.

When the kiss was over we walked together out of the cafeteria and that day I didn’t see Marielle. I walked to Anna blissfully and hugged her so hard. “Why so happy?”

“Aren’t I always happy?” She just looked at me and suspiciously looked away, but it didn’t matter to me at that point.

At 6:30 that night, I received a message from him. On a very special day, Romeo met Juliet, he was enchanted by her. Juliet placed a spell on him and he fell madly in love with her. Until one day, when the spell seemed to have vanished, Romeo left Juliet for another girl; Juliet was devastated. She had lost her one true love. That night, though, Romeo came back to his crying Juliet and told her how much he loved her. The tears on her face stopped falling. The End.

That was a beautiful story. I loved it. I read his story over and over again for the rest of the night.

Oh, and some day that won’t be a story.

I’ll be waiting for that day. That was all I needed from him to allow him in my heart. His lips were forever on my mine and his words forever in my mind.
Day 10

He wasn’t at school that day. I felt relieved and sad at the same time that I didn’t have to see him. I met up with Anna after class and Marielle was with her. I said hi and smiled at Marielle. She just stared at me with the most utter hate and didn’t say a thing. Did she find out about James and me? She walked away without saying anything. “Okay?” I was so confused and worried. “Does she hate me?”

“I don’t know why she would. She doesn’t even know you, but she’s been gloom, lately. She’s always talking about how James always lies to her and that she’s unhappy but still she goes off and runs back to him. She must be jealous of how happy you always are.” Marielle was unhappy with James, so was I. She wasn’t only unhappy with James, she was also unhappy with me. Even if Marielle didn’t want to admit it, she and I both knew she had a grudge against me.

I didn’t respond to her comment. If I even opened my mouth I knew I would have spilled every single detail. I didn’t want to tell her I have done to hurt myself. If I ever felt tortured without James, I was the only person to blame. I had the choice to back away from him, but I didn’t. I was so desperate for love. Now that I look back it wasn’t even love. How can that be love if I felt unhappy? It wasn’t love if I was invisible to him everywhere else but through those doors.

Right before I went to bed I had a text message waiting from him. I missed you so much. I read the message over and over again. I tried to look through his words and find the true meaning. That makes my life. My life would be so much better if I had another of your awesome stories…

Well I might need something in return ;) if you know what I mean. All my thoughts were completely tangled into one big mess. What’s that supposed to mean? o.O

You know… don’t make me say it. Once he sent that, I knew exactly what he meant. As I read it I felt absolute disgust for him. I cannot believe you just said that! What kind of person do you think I am? You’re a perverted freak. I clicked send without even thinking about it, and I’m glad I did. If I would have read it over, I wouldn’t have sent it.

It was just a joke, take it easy.

You thought that was a joke?! That was nowhere near funny. How could you possibly think that was funny? That was all he really wanted. He just wanted to get ‘together’ with someone and I fell for his trap. He didn’t have any real feelings for me; he didn’t really mean all the things he said. I believed everything he said and everything he did. I’m so stupid. How could I actually believe he really liked me? He made me feel like I was garbage. I was completely useless in my own eyes. He made me think I was a piece of plastic anyone could have manipulated for their own use. I saw myself as junk.

I’m sorry. I didn’t think you would have taken a joke so seriously. It wasn’t the joke that made me mad; it was the meaning behind it. Do you really think I’m going to forgive you just like that?! You are so wrong.

Do you still want that story? He had absolutely no judgment, at all. No I don’t. Night.

I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t think it would hurt you this much. Night :/

I’m sorry was all he said. He said sorry so many times I actually started to believe him. I read the conversation over and over, torturing myself. I couldn’t have been any more absurd.

Day 11

The next morning I had a text waiting. Romeo was left alone. His one true love left him on the ground trying to keep alive after Juliet had drastically left him. I left it alone, I didn’t delete it, and I didn’t respond to it; I just read it.

As I walked to class I saw Marielle. She saw me and turned around quickly, trying to avoid eye contact. I wouldn’t blame her. I didn’t want to see her either. I tried to avoid everything dealing with James.

That didn’t last long. When I walked through the dreaded doors I forgot completely about the night before. I saw James; he walked up to me and said “I’m very sorry. Please, forgive me.”

His eyes looked sincere and I smiled at him. “I forgive you.” No! No, you don’t! Stop being so stupid and useless! In my mind I knew I shouldn’t have said yes, but my heart spoke much louder.

It’s the small things he does that make me forget how much he has hurt me. A simple hug, a simple “I missed you”, a simple “I’m sorry”. That was all he had to do to make me forget all the pain. That was it.

I sat down at our table and he pulled his chair right next to mine. As he sat down he placed his arm around my shoulder. Every so often he would place his other arm around me and he would hold me there. He would pretend to fall asleep on my shoulder making me smile.

That day we were alone. Jessie and Mason were gone again; Kyle was at a different table. James hugged me tightly and didn’t let go. He looked at me straight in the eyes and kissed me. All the pain and torture was washed away with the touch of his lips.

“I’m sorry.”

I smiled at him. His voice sounded truthful but his eyes looked deceiving. “Stop apologizing.”

“I won’t. You haven’t accepted me yet. I know you said ‘I forgive you’, but I see doubt in your eyes.”

How can I forgive someone that I knew would lie again? He saw right through me. “I do believe your apology.”

“Then look me in the eyes and tell me you forgive me. Every time you talk to me you look away. What are you hiding from me?”

“I’m not hiding anything.” I looked at him trying to hide my feelings for him. “I forgive you.”

He held me in his arms again and kissed me. I felt myself lifting off the ground and flying. I heard his soul speak my name drawing me closer to him. He held me forever. He made me feel protected and secure in his arms that were only temporarily mine. What I wouldn’t do to have him always there.

The passionate love I felt for him was immense. I was always so afraid of someday falling so hard for someone that it would kill me, my only fear had come true and I was terrified of the outcome this horror story would bring.

Night 12

The party of the year, or so it was told by everyone else. That one party that changed my life forever is the one party I will never forget. I didn’t want to go to the party at first because I had no one to go with, but then Anna called and asked me to go with her, so I did.

I agreed to get my mind off from James and Marielle. Every second my mind would be open they both slipped in overpowering my thoughts. I didn’t want their relationship to end because of me, but I also didn’t want them to stay together.

When I got to the party I saw Anna at the entrance waiting for me. I saw her and walked over to her in my blue dress with silver heels. Next to her, Marielle was standing. “Hey! How’s the party?”

“It’s eh, but now that you’re here the party can finally begin!” Anna is the biggest party animal in the world, but so am I. “Let’s go. Are you coming, Marielle?”

“I’ll catch up with you guys later.” She answered but didn’t look away from the door. There goes my chance to get away from my problems. “He shouldn’t be far.”

“Okay, then. Keep it clean.” Anna spoke to Marielle and danced away. I followed behind her hoping ‘he’ wasn’t James.

“Who’s Marielle waiting for?” The curiosity was killing me and I had to ask her. I wanted some assurance it wasn’t who I expected. She pointed behind me; I turned around and saw two bright hazel eyes staring back. I quickly turned back and erased any emotions from my face.

Lucky for Anna, Jessie showed up. I told Anna I was extremely tired and sat down. I couldn’t stand being on the same dance floor as Marielle and James. I sat and watched as James and Marielle danced through upbeat and slow music. I watched as he turned her and caught her in his arms.

He would always have her in his arms. I felt everything building up inside me, waiting for one final push to burst everything out. They stopped dancing after a couple of songs and sat down in a table across from mine. I knew James could see me because he would look away from Marielle and would look straight at me.

He pulled her close and kissed her. That was the last thing needed for me to burst. I cried. I let all my emotions out. I couldn’t stand the pain. I grabbed my jacket and walked outside. I sat on the concrete floor sliding my finger trough each crack on the sidewalk. Then my cell phone rang, it was Anna. I wiped away my tears and answered “Hello?”

“Hey, where are you? You left your purse on the table.” I heard her every word but I didn’t say anything back. I just watched the moon as it slowly walked around Earth. “Hello? Hello? It must’ve cut off.” Anna hanged up and I continued to cry.

I walked home and watched as every star appeared on the dark sky that overshadowed me. I have never felt so much pain and disloyalty. I always knew someone would come into my life and shake it all up, but I didn’t know it would hurt this much.

Hey. His message waited on my screen asking for a response; a response that would never come. Or not…
No one would ever understand the pain I felt at this point unless it happened to them. If it ever happened, I could never say sorry enough for them to believe me.

Day 13

I had one hour of sleep. One hour between tears and nightmares that scarred me for life. As I stood up from my bed to get breakfast I unlocked my cell phone marking two missed calls and one text message pending. I opened it and it read Romeo walked into the ball room and saw his Juliet waiting. Romeo walked in with someone else, though. Through the night Romeo wanted to express his love to Juliet but he was tied down to someone else. After all this time, Juliet lost trust in Romeo. I read it once and clicked delete, but when the window popped up asking for verification I said no. The message stayed on the screen while I ate breakfast by myself, again.

She lost trust in him forever and moved on. The End. I walked back to my room and I let myself fall onto the bed. I cried my eyes out again. Thinking about losing him made me feel alone and empty, but it was the way to go.

I’m sorry and I know that hurt. I’ll leave you alone. I’m sorry. He said sorry twice, but I knew neither one of them was sincere. I knew he would never be truthfully sorry. He could never say sorry enough times for me to believe him.


One Month Later

To this very day I regret ever meeting him. I regret every second and every emotion he made me feel. He made me believe I was the stupid one. He made me believe I was a joke. I saw myself as useless. Even if I thought the only person to blame was him, it really wasn’t. I was the one to blame. I let him drag me in and treat me like I was nothing.

I had the choice to speak up and get away from him, but I never wanted to. He had me hypnotized in lies. I could never see all the damage he created in my heart because I was blinded by what I thought was love.

He had me thinking that someday I would have his heart. That day never came. I‘m glad it never did. I would never be able to trust him after making me go through all that. If he cheated on Marielle, what says he won’t cheat on me?

I wasted all my time obsessing on something that would never happen, but it helped me grow. It helped me realize what love truly is and what it isn’t.

I eventually told Marielle about James and she decided to give him another chance. Someone had told her before I did but she refused to believe it. I wouldn’t have accepted him, but I know I would never make the same mistake as Marielle.

Marielle was the only person who knew about the ‘relationship’ I had with James. No one ever found out, and no one ever will.

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