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Sorrow Pain and Insecurities

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I…cry too much
I…let things get to me too easily
I…let myself get hurt to easily
I…let myself be vulnerable
I…can’t stand being teased about my life
I…let myself be bullied…then
I…bully someone weaker than me
I…feel like s*** for it…then cry again
I…feel alone all the time
I…wish someone would notice
I…wish someone would care
I…wish someone would hold me and tell me everything will be okay
I…wish me parents wouldn’t fight
I…wish I was an only child
I…wish I was from a different family
I…wish I had money
I…wish I was skinny
I…wish I was a redhead
I…I had blue eyes
I…wish I had clear skin
I…wish I had a boyfriend
I…wish my friend could understand my home life instead of the mask I hide behind in public
I…wish Jackson never died
I…wish we never got rid of Bear our loving, fun, and extremely protective pit bull
I…wish I could take things I say back
I…wish I had more time with him
I…wish I could take things mean, vile things I said to him back
I…wish I could’ve said goodbye
I…wish we could’ve played the game of monopoly he promised we’d play when he got back
I…wish he came back
I…wish I could’ve lost monopoly like I always did when we played
I…wish I’d never gotten in the van to go home that day
I…wish he was still here
To embarrass me
To listen to my dad’s threats about treating me like a queen
To make me lose monopoly
To say I look beautiful when he took my hand at the end of the aisle
To remind who I am when I’m blue
I…wish I’d done a lot of things
Hadn’t done a lot of things
Was a lot of things
Had a lot of things
I…wish I could see what I have in front of me…
And be Proud of it



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