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His Last Words
I clutched the letter for dear life, never wanting to let go. This was the last thing I’d ever get form him…the last words that he’d ever say to me. I felt completely numb.
Tears silently streamed like a heavy rainstorm down my cheeks as I stared out into the darkening sky. Funny how I’d get this letter now…just when the sun started to sink below the horizon. Almost as if the world was just as destroyed as I was – almost.
My eyes drifted to the picture of him and me that we took the last day I saw him, talked to him. His hazel irises were shining with pure excitement though something secretive was peaking through the mask. His dark brown hair fell over his eyes, making him look cute and playful, his baby face blooming with a light pink as I kissed his cheek.
It was almost unbearable to see him.
My eyes shot to the sky again.
The cool summer breeze lifted my hair and crept across my skin, causing goosebumps to rise. Black makeup still clung to my face; my dress was wrinkled and dirty from sitting in our meadow since I got home from his funeral.
I glanced down quickly, willing myself to read just one word, one tiny little word.
That was all it took for a sob to rack through my body, a small whimper of agony escaping between my quivering lips. I wish I’d died right along with him maybe then my pain would disappear, too.
I had to keep reading. I had to know why he left me – left us.
Hi, sweetie. You must know by now that I’m gone…forever. I’m sorry, so, so, sorry for what I must be putting you through right now. You know I would never hurt you, but I think that right now I’m doing the exact opposite of my promise.
It’s okay, Jack. I know.
Sunday was the last day that you’ll ever see me alive. I want you to remember me like that, okay? I want you to remember me happy and smiling and laughing. You could never see me at my worst – it’d crush you.
Yeah, it would. But I’d help you and love you anyway.
I’m sorry that I kissed you that day…
Don’t be. I wanted it.
But I just couldn’t keep my feelings away from you anymore. You were and always will be the most important person I’ll ever have and I know that I’ll see you again someday. I might even come and visit you early and you’ll know it’s me. You know my tricks.
A soft breath of a laugh bubbled up and more tears soaked my cheeks.
So, you wanna know why? Wait, never mind that scratched out part because I’m going to tell you why I did what I did right now. I know you don’t care about me the way I care about you…
That’s not true; I loved you back.
So I guess the fact that I couldn’t be with you was a contributing factor. But there’s a secret I have that only my parents know now – a secret that I wouldn’t tell you because it’d terrify you.
I almost put down the letter. My hands were shaking so bad that I could barely read his final sentences. My heart shattered.
I have brain cancer. The doctors found but it was too late. I’d only have another month or two in complete pain. I couldn’t let you go through that. I couldn’t let anyone go through that.
I broke down. Jack…why wouldn’t you tell me? I’d still be there for you. We could’ve been together if not for a little while.
I know you’re crying, but please don’t. I’m better now. Remember me as I was and please don’t ever forget me.
“Jack, I promise I won’t,” I whispered through sobs.
Addie, I love you.
I clutched the letter and picture of Jack to my chest and got up, slowly making my way back to the path that led to my backyard.
Silently, I promised myself that I’d never love anyone like I loved Jack and that I’d never forget him the way he was and know that forever his heart belonged to me.
He’d been the best thing that ever happened to me.