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My Broadway

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It feels like I just got freaking shot right through my heart. Like that moment you tell the a boy you like him and he rejects you, it feels like your heart just fell to the floor and got stepped on. Yet it somehow feels worse.

It just junior high, I think to myself. But it's a lie because it feels like your trying out for the role of a lifetime on Broadway, even though your only thirteen. I just wanted that role in the musical so bad, it feels like I've never wanted anything more in my life. It's just junior high, I think again.

I just wanted it, to have someone tell me I'm good at singing like my sister or like famous star you see on the television. It's not that way though, it never is. But you keep hoping it will. I thought I did good, but then again it only mattered what my music teacher thought. And that rotten woman always played favorites. It's the way it is. It didn't matter if your were freaking tone deaf and couldn't hit a note, if you where her favorite you always got it. That hurts even worse.

I keep trying to hold back the tears, telling myself that if God didn't it want it you aren't suppose to get it. I don't blame God, even though I wanted to( it's hard to blame someone so great). I blame my music teacher, but I shouldn't blame her. I should blame me. Maybe if I hit that note, or maybe if I cried during the sad part of the script I might of gotten it. Yet my name still is written under CHORUS, and those girls who sound like they are dying when they are singing got what I wanted.

I wanted to be Annie, so bad. I thought I just might have chance, I had that tiny speck of hope. Then, when I saw the cast list I tried to find my name next to the main characters but it wasn't there. I felt like crying so bad, like dying almost. I wanted to hide, I was so ashamed. Why couldn't I be in the coveted main characters like my sister once was? But I'm not her, I'm me. I'm Ani.

I thought it would so cute; my own name matching the main characters. I loved that. I wanted to take a nap, but I was crying so hard I couldn't sleep. Even the girls who messed up five times during try-outs got a part, and they sucked so bad. Those girls where the favorites.

The spotlight, I just wanted it to hit my face. I want the audience to clap for me, just once. It won't this year, or the next year, or the next. You know, I imagined myself on the stage singing Maybe and people muttering how good I was. Saying I was a perfect match for the part. I could almost taste it. I could reach out and grab the part, but it disappeared into thin air. I wanted the warm glow of the spotlight hit my face at the last lyric, but it won't.

It hurts even worse now. I didn't get the part because I'm just that bad. I'm trying not to tear myself down, but it isn't working. Tonight I'll have to give myself the ' it's not you it's me' speech. To most it's just a junior high musical, and it is, but to me it still feels like my Broadway. The chance I'll never get.



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