She wasn’t much. To me, I mean. I know she meant a lot to other people. I didn’t know her too well. Maybe she dreamed too much, or not enough. I realize I never took the time to learn the reasons for her undoing. But it doesn’t feel like that matters here. It’s silent. Gray clouds still manage to cast a shadow from the stone that bears her name. I don’t know why I chose to come today. I’m not sure what possessed me to come at all. I hardly knew her, after all. This girl had dreams, a past, a future, all of which I had no idea of. Her face still lingers, her name whispering, always, at the edge of my mind. I don’t understand, really. She had so much, and ended it anyway. It was her choice, in the end it was always her choice. The finality and darkness of her last decision grip me. I just don’t understand. I look towards the sky. A soft breeze envelops me, and I feel the presence of another. Maybe she’s here, watching me. Maybe, she too, wonders at why I have come, and why I cannot force myself to leave. She had a future. I didn’t know her well, but I knew at least she had a bright future. My feet are frozen where I stand, eyes scanning over and over the text engraved in the stone. I know I will never forget this place. I’ll never forget this feeling, or the gleam of the marble or the look of its words. I don’t know why, but this comforts me. I don’t know why I came, and I’m sure I probably won’t visit again, but I know I was here. A drop of rain hits my head, and I can’t force myself to move until it’s pouring. And I know that it’s time for me to go. I lay my single flower down on the freshly packed dirt, whisper one last silent goodbye to this girl I hardly knew, and leave this shaded place in the undisturbed silence of which I first found it.
The Girl I Hardly Knew
January 23, 2012