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Diary of a Psycho - The Weak, the Strong, and the Undefined 1/12/12
This is not working out the way I wanted it to.
I wrote and rewrote my poem, "Blade," entered it into one of those prestigious contests, and got a denial letter.
"We are Sorry to inform you, but your poem has not won a place in our lineup. We do encourage you to continue writing, and look out for more opportunities to publish your work!" And the usual yada-yada.
Well, supposedly prestigious contest with huge prize involved, I'm sorry to inform you that you capitalized "sorry" in the middle of a sentence. Who are you to judge my work when you can't even get your capitalization down? Hah! They thought they were strong, but I found a flaw and became stronger for it. Hmph. Fancy contests with fancy entry forms and fancy letters...
But anyways, that's not the only thing that's not working out.
Okay. So, basically, I have no life. I met this one person on the Internet, not through one of those trashy dating websites, but through a site originally created for fans of the Warrior Cats books. He likes me for who I am, since I doubt I could get anyone with my plain brown eyes and frizzy brown hair. But, the the thing is... I'm not sure if he just likes me as a friend, or he really does love me.
However, I know exactly how I feel about him... My feelings are probably not good for my health. I'm obsessed with him. I never want to get off the computer because I think he might get online all of a sudden, and I want to talk to him, which I haven't been able to for a while. He's only been on once every five days lately, and I'm almost losing my mind every five days because he's not there.
I don't want to talk to a screen all the time without knowing who's on the other side. It could be a creepy old guy waiting for me to suggest that I travel from my tiny town to San Antonio, or the other way around. It could be an insane killer, trying to get enough information out of me so he can track me down... I have no idea.
But... For some reason, to me it wouldn't matter who he really is. If James is around my age and really does like Nirvana and Flyleaf, then I'm fine with whatever flaws he may have. He's got quiet a personality. :)
I tried to tell Airianna about this, but she just couldn't keep her mouth shut and told Alisa. Alisa didn't see this as material for a rumor, so she simply told Airianna that she met James on a trip to see her grandmother. I do know that Alisa's grandma lives in Texas somewhere, but I seriously doubt that she's telling the truth. She's really good at lying - I mean, she pretended like she accepted me for who I am, and then turned around and practically stabbed me in the back. I know, that's a cliche, but I honestly don't care. I can't think of anything better to describe it.
I bet Alisa wants me to try to meet him, just so she can laugh when a serial killer slits my throat, or a creepy old lady cougar tries to... ewww... never mind.
She's picking on me because she thinks I'm weaker. Alisa thinks I'm stupid enough to try and go to Texas by myself. Pfft. If she really thinks of me that way, then she's the weak one - she's the one with a fatal flaw in her plans. But if she's weak, then what am I?
I'm not strong, I know that... I can't reign in my own emotions so I don't obsess over things. But I can't possibly be weaker than her... Can I?