Two Minutes In Heaven

January 20, 2012
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Standing on the edge of the building was like standing on the moon. Every problem that ever troubled my mind was lifted off of me. My body shook with the sudden rush of adrenaline running through my veins. Just like NASA giving me orders, policemen on the street tried to get my attention. I closed my eyes and sighed, blocking their annoying voices. I smiled, lifted my head up to face the sun and soaked up all the vitamin D I could. My mind went blank. I was thinking of absolutely nothing. Like a child, my lungs were filled with laughter at the thought of something as simple as nothingness. I realize now that I was high. I was high on the sun. I was high on the attention given to me by the ants spread across the streets with their red and blue lights. I was high on the feeling of the cold wind passing right through me, making my hair stand up like prairie dogs across a grassy land. I was high on the light rain that tapped on my head, waking up the people inside it. I was high on the pleasurable agony of the seven screaming voices in my head. I was high on the idea of suicide. So I jumped.

People have this insane idea that death is a negative part of life. Death liberates the soul. Death opens the doors of our body and sets us free. Dying is magnificent. Having to live is the negative part of death.

I can still feel my stomach in my throat and the wind pressing against me so hard I couldn’t breathe. I remember the “No!”s in and out my head. I remember the random screaming and the sirens of the ambulances. I remember the fear. What if I survived? What if I was wrong about dying? No, impossible. Dying is liberating. Dying is the only reason to live. A million questions asked by several voices created a chaos in my mind. I could feel the blood coming out of my nose and flying up behind me. The questions stopped when I hit the ground. Pain rushed through me so quickly I barely felt it. Fire grew in my insides, burning down every particle of me and leaving me only a pile of ashes. Ice covered my skin, freezing it instantly, while something broke my every frozen bone. Water rushed through each one of my pores, filled my lungs, burst them and left me covered in my own burning hot blood. And then it was over. I could feel some sort of light shining inside of me, making its way out by breaking my skin and liberating my soul.

I was officially dead. I felt myself leave my broken body and drift away. I saw paramedics rushing over to my body but I paid them no attention. I felt a powerful source pull me towards where the sun should be. The sky had turned from cloudy and blue to starfilled purple-ish. Somehow this felt appropriate. Though there were over a millions stars, it was not dark at all. Soon, I realized the stars were other floating souls like me, drifting away from their bodies. We were all headed in the same direction. Heaven maybe? There was no voice to disagree with me now. I’d left the seven people that grew up crammed in my brain, on Earth where they would rot along with my body. I felt liberated and glad that they were gone. I’d grown so used to them, that the silence felt incredibly awkward, though not enough to end my happiness.

Suddenly, the pain came rushing back to me, putting an end to my liberty and peace. I tried to float back up to where I was headed, but I couldn’t. I felt trapped, as if I were in some kind of cage. I tried and tried but the more I did, the weaker I became. I felt constant thunder roaring inside. The more it roared, the louder and stronger it got. It pinned me to the ground and no matter how strongly I fought, it was too much. Finally, I gave in. I let the thunder win and bring me back to life. I let the pain rush through me and create a massive destruction inside my body. I let the paramedics carry me to the ambulance. I let the voices in my head return to my brain to yell at me. I gave up on death and let life grab hold of me again.

I’d been so close so to becoming infinite and whole. Just for two minutes I was. Two minutes of pleasure and silence. Two minutes of perfection. Two whole minutes of heaven.

And somehow in half a second a ****ing human managed to bring me back





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