The Day She Started to Fade.

January 9, 2012
By Anonymous

Stepping in her room, she clashes her backpack on the ground and silently closes the door. Her fingers shake so she runs them through her hair to steady them. She holds her head in her hands. She stays like that for a few seconds, replaying the day through her head. She can see the whole day in her mind, every lie and every moment she couldn’t control. It was tiring. All of the things she couldn’t control and all the times she felt as if no one were there, even though she was always standing in a crowded room. But no one was there.

She raised herself from the ground and walked to the mirror. The same reflection was glowing dimly back at her. She gently raised her fingers and grazed her fingers along her cheekbones, down her neck, to her stomach and stopped there. There was so much of her. There was so much that everyone could see. There was her flabby arms and her bloated stomach. Fat. Everywhere. She squeezed her thighs to make them seem smaller. Tears formed in her eyes. Why can’t she look like that without tugging and squeezing?

That’s when the decision became locked in her mind. This wasn’t going to be like every other time she decided to be thin. She was going to be in control this time. She wasn’t going to give up. She was going to do whatever it takes. In a few months, she was going to look back in this mirror and see a thinner girl.

She stepped slowly away from her reflection and grouched next to her backpack. Digging her fingers blindly inside, her fingertips found the bottle. The sweet, sweet orange bottle. It was her key. If her cravings became unbearable or the hunger pangs wouldn’t leave her distraught mind, this was the answer. Whatever it takes, she thought again. She popped open the bottle and counted the pills. Fifteen. Enough to last five days. Hopefully after those five days she would be strong enough to not need the pills. She would be able to handle it on her own.

She sighed. Nothing mattered more. She didn’t matter to anyone, and nothing mattered to her. She had to be skinny. She had to make her own happiness. Her stomach felt sick; probably from the small dinner she had just consumed. Never, ever again. Ever.

It was the day she began to fade.

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