All I Am

December 6, 2011
By Jbohn GOLD, South Plainfield, New Jersey
Jbohn GOLD, South Plainfield, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You dont know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.." <3
"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!"- My Coach
"Forget about the past, think about the present, and dream for your future."

All I am, is just another stupid teen on this world who every one wishes weren’t around and who would just disappear; another teen that no one cares about or love. It seems like that’s all I am to everyone. I’m trapped in this hell hole of a home. All I want to do is just get out and scream. But it’s like a prison and I’m constantly on lock down.
Drifting off from the lesson I sit in my desk with my head down on my desk. Tired and not wanting to learn anything, all I wanted to do was go to sleep. Finally my mind leaves the class room and I started day dreaming about surfing on giant waves and going mountain climbing.
My teacher Mr. fry slammed a giant ruler on my desk to catch my attention. My head went flying up so he would know I wasn’t sleeping, and he went on with the lesson. Mr. Frey is a tall skinny man, with dark short hair and round glasses. He’s a nice teacher who knows how to teach, not like the other teachers in this school who pretend to teach. He actually takes time and goes over everything until everyone in the class understands the lesson. He does tend to talk a little too much though, but all teachers talk a lot.
Only ten minutes left of class, I kept thinking to myself. My eyes were glued to the clock, watching it tick. It felt like the longest ten minutes of my life. I stared at the wall starting to drift off again, letting my mind wonder around. Daydreaming of random thing trying to keep eyes off the clock. Now only three minutes left of class, thinking of what to do after school to avoid going back home.
The bell finally rings and every one rushes out of the class room. The hallway is crowded and swarming with other students and teachers. Getting to your locker in this school was like trying to walk through a jungle. After going to my locker to get the books I need for homework I walked over to my friend Amy’s locker.
“Hey, we still on for tonight?” Amy asked
“Yeah, are we all meeting at Ally’s house for it?” I asked

“Yeah at seven, did she tell you what movie we are watching?”

“No, hopefully it’s good thought,” I said laughing.

I finally got home from school and put my books down on the kitchen table. I look in the fridge to see what there was that I could eat. Ugh, nothing. I said to myself. I walked to the living room sat on the couch and put the TV on. I started flicking through the channels trying to find something good to watch.

No one was home yet. The house was quiet and peaceful. Finally I found a good show, I sat on the couch enjoying being alone. I was watching America’s funniest home videos. I walked to the kitchen during commercials and came back with chips to eat. I laughed at the stupid things people did on the show while eating. I was enjoying life by being alone at home.

My mom and sisters finally came home. My sisters dropped their bags and books off in the kitchen and walked over to the couch and began to watch TV with me. We were all laughing at the stupid things people were doing on the show we were watching while eating the chips. My mom was cleaning up the kitchen and starting to cook dinner.

All the sudden I heard the car door close and my heart began to beat a little faster. Not knowing what was going to happen once the front door opens. The door slowly opens up and he walks in. trying not to acknowledge him I stay focused on the TV. He walks in to the kitchen and puts him things down and takes off his coat and puts it on the chair. He walks into the living room and sits on the opposite side of the couch. He takes the remote and starts flicking through the channels.

“Don’t change it,” my one sister Hailey says

“I don’t want to watch this crap.” He says still flicking through the channel. Suddenly he finds something he likes on the history channel and puts it on. He places the remote down next to him on the couch.

“What the hell is this? At least put something good on,” my other sister Casey said. Hailey got up to go grad the remote to put a different channel on. He tries to grad it back from her, but she moved back to fast for him. He gets up and pushes her to the ground putting his hand up to hit her. I got up and pushed him back away from her. His face turned red and you were able to see rage in his eyes. I knew then that it was going to be another bad day. He began to come after me with rage and hatred in his eyes.

Later that night I went over to my friend’s house for a movie night. We were watching Prom Night. It was supposed to be a scary movie, but it wasn’t all that scary. I went outside with my friend Jenna so she could smoke a cigarette. I sat on the porch huddling in my jacket because it was cold out. She noticed the mark on my face, the small bruise on the side of my eye. She asked what happened already having an idea.

“The same thing that always happens,” I told her. She sat next to me on the porch looking at the mark.

“It isn’t that bad. We just got to put a little bit of make up on that to cover it up. No one will be able to see it,” She told me then taking another hit of her cigarette. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“There is nothing to really talk about. It was over the stupidest thing. He came home and changed the channel on us, so Casey went to change the channel and he flipped out. So I got in the middle of it so she wouldn’t get hurt.”

“And you ended up getting hurt instead.” Jenna said shaking her head. She took one last hit and through the cigarette on the ground. “It’s cold as hell out here,” She stomped on the cigarette putting it out. “Let’s go back inside.” We walked back inside where everyone else was.

The next day at school was a long boring day. No one noticed the mark on my face, the make-up idea that Jenna told me worked. I stayed long after in the school’s library getting my homework done and studying. I left school around 5:00pm; trying to avoid going back to the house right away I took the long way to walk home.

I got home around 6:00pm. My dad was sitting in the living room watching TV. It seemed like he was waiting for me to get home. I opened the door and his head Jolted around to look at me. His face red as could be rage in his eyes, he got up from the couch and started walking towards me. My heart jumping out of my chest and tears beginning to form in my eyes; I already knew that this was going to be another night of hell.

I embraced myself, getting ready for the beating that was coming my way. Getting ready to be thrown around like a worthless piece of cloth. But that is all I am to him. I am not worth anything in his eyes; I am nothing to him. All I am, is just another stupid teen on this world who every one wishes weren’t around and who would just disappear; another teen that no one cares about or love.

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