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The 'Golden' Thief
“Don’t hurt me… I’m just a kid. I wasn’t part of this. Why won’t anyone believe me! I didn’t do this. I didn’t mean to! They put me up to it. Go get them!”
“Who? Who put you up to this? Come on kid! Tell us!”
“I swore I wouldn’t! They… they... sa… id that they would hurt me… Please save me! I can’t tell you!”
“We won’t let them hurt you! Come on, just tell us! We’ll protect you. Just tell us the name of the person who put you up to this.”
“O…okay. Just promise me they won… won’t find out. Other…other… wise they…they’ll hurt me!”
“Ya... ya. We promise just tell us!”
“It… It wasn’t just one person; there were a few…few people. They… they carried knives in their pockets and... and threatened me... to kill me… there, were… three guys. They said…said that they were called… “Sniff
“What! What was their name! Tell us!”
It all started a few hours back…
Max was outside, playing basketball with his friends. There weren’t many people around and it was around 6:30, almost time to go home to eat dinner. Dusk was just arising and the sky was starting to get a tint of orange and red.-*I’m not sure if this is an example of adding more details (adjective, verbs etc.)* They were just starting to wrap up when the Gang saunters over.
“Yo! Kid in the blue jacket. Come o’er here!”
“Who me?” Max exclaimed, surprised that they were even talking to him.
(Max, a 14 year old, was a shy guy. He wasn’t an outcast but was just an average kid. He did what he was supposed to and occasionally got in trouble. He had good grades and was nice on the most part. His appearance though makes him slightly stand out. He had fire truck red hair that could stand out in any crowd and orange freckles covering his nose and cheeks. He had circle glasses that had helped him adapt the nickname, among family, ‘Harry Potter’. He was just an average kid at the age of 14.)-*I added more description about his facial features so that the reader could get a clear picture of how he looked.
“Ya, you! Stop wasting our time and come o’er here!” Roger, a member of the Gang spoke out.
“O...okay. I’m coming,” Max replied as he walked over.
“What do you guys want from me?” Max, slightly dazed responded.
“We want you to do something for us,” Harley, the head of the Gang speaks up.
“What…?” Max continues to ask.
“Well, it’s pretty simple. One, ya’ go into the jewelry store. Two, point a gun at the manager and tell ‘em to give you all their cash. Three, ya’ get the cash and run out ‘fore they can catch ya’ on camera. Ya’ on board or do ya’ wanna face consequences?” Roger explains.
“WHAT? Why me? I don’t see you asking anyone else around here that is definitely a little sneakier than me,” Max says, trying to ease his way out of it.
“Well ya’ see, we ain’t that stupid. We got a little bit o’ brains – a little less than brawn – but we got some plans up our sleeves and we ain’t gonna always get our hands dirty.” Brandon speaks up, the one member that is a little bit lighter on the brain side of the equation.
“That still doesn’t explain why you guys chose me to do this!” Max, clearly exasperated, wants to make a run for it.
“Cause, you got good rep round here. People trust ya. Ya walk into a jewelry store, and look round casually, no ones gonna suspect nothing. See, we walk in; they got one hand on the phone and the other on a bat. We got that kinda rep.” Harley clarifies
“There are other people, you know. Who could do this I mean.”
“Well, we want YOU to do it. You either answer yes or…” Harley hangs off and pulls out a pocket knife as sharp as broken glass with jagged ends even a hunter wouldn’t carry-*I added the part that is in bold to describe the pocket knife to emphasize that Max could get scared.*, “Or, we make ya’ say yes. Ya’ understand or do we gotta explain more.”
“Ya, ya! I’ll do it just don’t hurt me!” Although scared half to death, Max tries to keep his cool, which at this point is kind of hard to do.
“Good. You go there at 7, near closin’ and make sure there ain’t anyone in there who knows ya. ‘Kay?
“Ya…ya. Sure. Not like I have a choice do I?” Max replies, slowly regaining remembrance of what he was supposed to do.
“’Kay, let’s go guys. We got some other ‘work’ to take care of.” Harley reminds Roger and Brandon as they saunter off into the darkness.
Once they turn the corner Max sits down on the concrete. What did I get myself into? He asks himself.
Ready to leave, Max exits the house with a nervous/scared expression on his face and as he gets closer to the jewelry store, gets even more nervous and starts making up excuses he could use. What if he said that he had a headache… or he had a stroke…Ya, maybe that would work? Max thinks to himself, trying to think of a liable reason to not be at the jewelry store, where the Gang must be waiting for him.
It’s an eerie night, coincidently, as Max gets closer to the Gang, who he sees a little farther down the alley. Each step is feeling as though he were on his way to doom. As he is getting closer, he is feeling a slight chilling breeze yet the Gang seems unfazed. The darkness, an almost endless black hole, seemed to be engulfing him into the dangers of the night. Yet, he could still see the sparkles of the faintly lit street lamps on the cold November night. As he nears the Gang, there expressions are “poker”. They don’t seem scared or excited. They do not seem to be alarmed by the fact that a once innocent, regular kid, is about to commit a crime, he thought he would never come close to it.
The Gang gives him some last minute instructions and then sends him in, to perform the first, and hopefully the last crime, he will ever commit. Tucking the small gun that Harley had handed to him into his jeans, he swings open the door and steps inside, as the Gang disappears around the corner.
Running around the corner, Max realizes what a close escape he just had. He can still hear the bell of the Jewelry store, even though he is well past the store. Running at full speed, Max feels like a cheetah, running through the windy and brisk night.-*what is in bold, I added. I added a simile as he really isn’t running as fast as a cheetah*. As he turns around, Max sees 2 police cars following him. He speeds up which just causes the police officers suspicion to grow, not helping Max’s situation. Although Max failed in his attempt of stealing cash, he still feels as though he is just as guilty as a person who would have stolen cash.
The Police finally catch up to Max.
“Hey, kid, where are you coming from? And why are you running?” A tall and burly police officer asks.
“Um, well…. I was just at the… um…. Grocery store… to get um… some stuff for my… um mom. She asked me to…. Get some stuff but they… um they… ran out and I…. didn’t have enough money…. For to… to get it… and so I was…. Um going home. Ya”, Max throws together not sure if he sounded true.
“Okay….” The other police officer speaks up, exchanging a look with the officer, “Why don’t we drop you off. There’s no harm in that. And we were just going that way. Someone just attempted to steal the Jewelry Store down the block and we thought we saw the robber running this way.”
“Um… sure. Why not, right…” Max says with some hesitation.
“Great! Get in,” the burly officer says, with a bit too much enthusiasm.
“Okay...” Max says, climbing into the squad car.
On the way to his house, Max starts to wonder. I didn’t tell them where I lived… How do they know where I live? None of these guys seem familiar. I’ve never actually seen them before. WAIT! Did they find out that I was the kid who tried to rob the Jewelry store? Oh no…. Are they gonna take me to Juvie? I don’t wanna die young!!!! As Max thinks slowly about all of these consequences, he starts to sweat and as quickly as the beads form on his face, they disappear.-*The part in bold is what I added. I tried to describe how nervous he was by saying that the sweat beads were forming on his face*.
Max screams out, “WAIT!!!” The car comes to an abrupt stop. The two officers turn around, looking somewhat astonished.
“What happened? Why’d you just yell like that? You scared the fudge out of me.”
“Sorry, it’s just that… um I realized that… we were going in the wrong direction. I live on the other…side of town…” Max says, trying to recollect why he had said wait.
“Okay, I’ll just turn around the ca-“
“NO! I mean… um… I can walk. It’s, not that long and I… need the exercise,” Max utters, trying to think of a reason that makes some sense.
“No can do kid, you’re already at your house. The BIG House. Get out.”
At that very moment, the waterworks are triggered by Max and it all comes out. “I didn’t do it!!! I wasn’t… I got…” Max wails, as the officers drag him in.
The tall one, whose name was Officer Perry, drags Max into the interrogation room. He sits him down and lays down the laws. “You answer the questions we ask and answer them truthfully. If you didn’t do anything, then we’ll believe you. Like they say; you’re guilty till proven innocent. Or I think that’s what they say…Maybe it’s the other way around…”
“Oh, shut up Perry. Just get on the questioning,” Officer Greyhound spoke up, the one that had drove the car.
“Okay, gosh. So look kid, tell us what happened. And tell us all the details,” Perry said…….
Where we found Max…
“Okay, kid. So it’s the Gang. Should’ve known Perry. They’re always out there, stirrin’ trouble.” Greyhound realizes.
“Ya… I suppose so… I guess. But, Greyhound, ya sure this kid ‘ers telling the truth? I ain’t so sure….” Perry says hesitantly.
“Hmm… I guess you got a point there…. He could just be framin’ them so dat we believe ‘im. ‘K, so kid. Listen here. You’re gonna tell us the whole story, what they ‘told ya’ and everythin’ else as well. The whole shind-dig. Kapeesh?” Greyhound explains.
“Uh… ya… ya. Just, you… you’re gonna let… Let me go right? Like… once I tell you everythin’ I know… And you aren’t going to tell my parents are you? Please don’t! They’ll… they’ll….” Max begins to blabber slightly alarmed.
“Ummm… look kid. Since you’re a juvenile, we um kind of have to tell your parents what you’ve been up to. Not to scare you or anything. I’m sure they’re easy going.” Perry begins to clarify.
“Yes, they’re easygoing. Are 2 cats easygoing when they’ve been starving and all you give them is a tiny piece of meat? That’s how my parents are! - *I added this in reply to Perry’s question to add more of a sense of humor but I’m not sure how well it worked out…* So…YOU CAN’T TELL THEM!!!!!! I’ll tell you everything you… you need to know. Every tiny detail JUST DON’T TELL MY PARENTS!!!!” Max exclaims, clearly alarmed at the fact that the officers were talking about telling his parents.
“Okay… jeez, back down kid. We won’t tell ‘em. Just tell us what we need to know. Then… you’re um.. Free to go… With, ya’ know, some ‘consequences’. Nothin’ that you can’t do. Ya’ know, some community service, runnin’ my errands. You get the jist, I suppose?” Perry, a little startled by the response received from Max, as he tries to calm him down.
“O...Okay. I’ll tell you…” Max replies hesitant as he proceeds to tell them his story.
About 15 minutes later…
“And then they were like, ‘Here’s a gun,’ and ‘go in there and steal that cash or we kill you!’ Max, who is yet still babbling, is almost done telling the officers what had happened, while also adding a few twists.
“So, then I went in and I was all, ‘Give me the cash,’ but naturally I was kinda scared. Anyways, then I well, then I ran out the door as fast as I could ‘cause, I mean, I thought the police were gonna catch me and put me in juvie. Real good that did me….” Max, almost as though talking to himself and is in his own little world.
“Kay’, kid. Slow down. What exactly did they tell ya’ to do?” Perry questions.
“They, well um… they told me to do what I just told you they told me to do.” Max says, slightly confused.
“Okay…. Continue…” Perry has with hesitation yet anticipation of what kind of story this kid was stirring up.
“Okay, so then, I was running and your guys squad car came up and you were gonna give me a ride ‘home’,” Max finishes.
“That’s it? Is that all that happened???” Greyhound, speaking up for the first time in the last 20 minutes asks.
“Well, um, I guess you could say the rest is history as I’m sitting here and from that point on, you know what happened. But, I guess if you want me to add more, um, The End???” Max tries to compromise for what the officer just asked.
“Okay, kid. You’ve been feeding us baloney for the past 20 minutes, wasting our time!” Greyhound bursts. “I could’ve very well been enjoying my roast beef sandwich in my office. If you ain’t gonna tell us anything straight, I suggest we tell your parents what you’ve really been up to!”
“Well, I’m sorrrryyy!” Max says with attitude, “I’ve been telling you the whole truth and nothing but the truth! So, you sir, are mistaken!” Max, whose finally had it, erupts with anger and frustration of the fact that the officers don’t trust what he is telling them.
“Jeez, kid. Don’t go coughing up your lungs! We believe you, on the most part. Okay, if you really wanna help us, then tell us where they are. Then, you’re outta here for good, we hope.” Perry negotiates.
“Well, I don’t know where they are. Do I look like their personal secretary who should know all about their whereabouts? You know what, umm…. Don’t answer that. Can I just leave. I’ve already told you guys what I know and what I did and what I didn’t do. What more do you need to know. I’m sorry, but I’ve got nothing more to tell you.” Max, running out of steam, finishes.
“Umm… well, let Greyhound come back and then we’ll decide what to do with you. In the meanwhile, sit in here and umm…. Don’t touch anything.” Perry says as he leaves the room.
There’s nothing much to do or touch anyways . Max thinks to himself. This dingy little room barely has enough room for 4 people to stand in, and he thinks I’ll stay in this seat. As the light flickers, barely shining enough brightness to see the other person’s face, the lamp’s arm swings as Max stands up from the table, where he had been sitting. On the table in front of him, there was an ancient phone. It was one of those phones that only stretched 2 feet away from the stand, and it had a wheel that you had to turn to call someone.
Suddenly, the phone starts ringing. Now knowing what else to do, Max picks up, but doesn’t say or hear anything at first. All he hears is static. And then…
“Ya, well, we didn’t have a choice but… well, we kinda, maybe, you know, called your parents.”
“Your, well your mother, your father. Your mom, your dad, the pop, the lady that gave birth to you, something along those lines. Would you like a further explanation?”
“That’s not what I meant. I meant why did you call them?”
“Oh, well, maybe ‘cause I’m a mean old man who likes ruining kids futures or cause we need to get their permission to keep ya here for the night . Take your pick.”
“What do you mean stay here? I told you all I knew, nothing less.” Although I can’t promise I said anything more…
“Well, ya see, we still haven’t found the Gang so we can’t like 100% trust your little theory there. But, like, don’t get us wrong. We trust ya, like 77%. But, ya know, we’re getting there”
“Well I don’t see. If you don’t see, to trust me, I don’t give a doo-da-ding. I know my parent’s will trust me. In the meantime, what do you suppose I do, Officer Greyhound? Stay cooped up in this little room like a chicken.”
“Well, no. The door’s unlocked. Come out ‘er and wait. Jeez, kids these days. Always gotta exaggerate everything. Well in my day…”
Max hangs up the phone and saunters out of the room. Greyhound looks at the phone appalled at the audacity of kids these days.
20 minutes later…
“Kid, you gotta stop botherin’ us. We ain’t any day care teachers. We’re well-respected police officers.”
“Who you kiddin’ Greyhound? We’re barely on the Donut run list. I had to Taser the person who was doin’ it last time. I think it was my mom. That explains why she didn’t send me my birthday card this year.”
“Oh shut up Perry. No one wants to hear your Sally Sob-Stories.”
“Can you guys just be quiet and listen to me?”
“YOU’RE A CRIMINAL! SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET!” Greyhound bursts.
“Geez, people got attitude!” Max exclaims. “By the way, my parents are here.”
Max’s parents walk over. They looked mad and disappointed. And yet, they still looked irritated at the officer’s for making them come all the way here. Max’s mom, Amy was an average sized woman but with a temper that could not be beat. Her voice was soft but when she wanted to, she could become loud. Max’s dad, Pete, was not afraid to say anything that is on his mind, although this is sometimes not the best trait.
“Max,” Amy begins, “What are you doing here!?”
“Well, I, well…. Did the officers tell you…um anything?” Max stutters.
“”Yes, yes they have. They said that YOU FAILED IN AN ATTEMPT TO ROB THE JEWERLEY STORE DOWNTOWN! May I ask if this is correct?”
“Well… yes…. No… yes….”
“Okay then, we have mostly all the information we need,” Officer Greyhound steps in, “But we will need to stay in contact with Max over the next few days. Just in case the real culprit doesn’t show up.”
“So Max didn’t do it?” Amy asks tentatively.
“NO!!! I DIDN’T!” Max exclaims. He didn’t understand how they still didn’t trust him. His face was bright red in surprise and his expression to be
“Well, we are 90% sure he didn’t, but, ya’ can’t really trust youngsters these days. Blaming others for their own doings and all.” Greyhound intercepts.
“So, umm… can I leave?” Max, trying to escape further punishment, asks.
“Yes, you can. But just remember that we’re gonna call you sometimes just in case we get some further questions.” Perry speaks up for the first time.
“Stalker…” Max silently says under his breath.
“What?” Perry says.
“Nothing, nothing. Just saying that that’s fine. But, like I said before, I said I would tell you everything I know and I did.” Max sums up.
“Okay… Well then, I think it’s best for you to leave ‘fore we rethink letting ya’ go,” Greyhound said.
“Thank you for calling us officers. Good night.” Pete pipes up suddenly.
“Ya’, good night to you too,” Greyhound concludes.
Max and his parents walk out onto the street. The street is dimly lit and it is still a bit chilly out. Max hugs his arms around himself and braces himself for what is coming for him as they reach home. Max steps into the car and sits down. But his parents start driving away in silence. Through the window, Max imagines the innocent kids at home, who could or would, be tortured by the Gang next.
A few days later…
Ring…. Ring…. The phone screeches on the table. As his mom is in the kitchen, Max picks up.
“Hey! It’s Officer Perry. Remember….”
“Ya, of course I remember. You got me 10 weeks’ worth of groundings and no TV or computer, unless for homework. Thank you for that by the way.”
“Ya, sorry about that kid. Just doing my job here. Anyways, I called you because we caught the Gang and they confessed that they had forced ya’ to go rob the Jewelry store. So, you got nothin’ to worry about any more.”
“Yes! Thanks! Bye!”
Max hangs up and goes into the kitchen to tell his mom that he wasn’t guilty and had no charges on him. As he goes though, he steps into his room and hides the gold bracelet he had snatched from the Jewelry store clerk’s hand. He stuffs it into the corner of his drawer and then goes into the kitchen to share what the officer had said to him.