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Astronomical is a term often used by other people to describe my life. A blast, the complete package, daring, exotic, fantastic, glamorous, historical, I swear they have a label for every single letter in the alphabet and every aspect of my life. But I would replace historical with a headache, because honestly that’s all that my life is, one big headache.
I live in a “do-it-all-family”; they live to do it all, see it all, and be all that they can be. This sounds like a really great thing, right? Um no. People think that being the children of Clara and Vincent Van Pelt means that you’re expected to be prodigies, or some kind of American royalty. And because my parents live up to what the public expects, my sisters and I have done just that.
By the age of just eighteen months we were taking dance, music, and French classes. Just the very “basic” stuff before too long though, I’d done every sport, been entered into every beauty pageant, took up sailing, yoga, and earned my pilot’s license. But our fame started even before our birth, the fact the world’s most prestigious super model and Spain’s most brilliant super-genius were getting hitched excited the population to no end. And then when word got out that Clara was pregnant, the media went nuts!
Everyone was convinced that Clara’s son would be a straight A Harvard Law student, and were already placing bets on what celeb’s daughter he would marry. The story that a shocked blonde anchor woman reported for ‘Extra’ still makes me laugh whenever I watch the news channel that someone recorded for my parents when Clara went into labor.
“This just in, the baby bombshell that has all of America reeling. As it turns out Clara Van Pelt is having a baby girl, not a baby boy.” She stared dramatically into the camera, and sounded sad. As if a little Van Pelt female, wouldn’t be as intelligent as a Van Pelt male.
“That’s not the only surprise this new family has in store. Apparently the family will grow not by one, but by three. That’s right! The Van Pelts are having not only triplets but doctors are saying they will be identical. We will keep the public posted on the newest updates as they occur.”
From the start, my sisters and I had a reputation as nothing but trouble and, as I pointed out, our family hates to disappoint the public. This reputation sparked the only two rebellious things my sisters and I ever did. One of them was the contacts that drove Clara insane to no end. (Growing up, my sisters and I have always called our mother Clara, which goes to show how close we are.)
“It was her fault really that we did it,” my sister Diana pointed out in a snobby voice.
Diana was right, Clara was always raving about how our hazel eyes and auburn waves would make even Keria Knightly jealous. So Diana, being Diana, went out one day with our then nanny and purchased green, blue, and dark brown contact lenses for the three of us. That was when we were ten and Clara hasn’t let us near scissors or hair dye in fear of what we will do to our hair since.
The only other rebellious thing we do occurs annually and was started by pure accident. The media fondly refers to this accident as the Van Pelt Pranks. When we were a year old, Clara and Vincent took Diana, Brooke, and me to our first red carpet event. It was a disaster to say the very least. Because Diana was the oldest by a total of twelve whole minutes, and we followed her lead whatever she did, we didn’t think twice about dropping dessert on the chairs where other celebrities sat. It seemed the more expensive the dress, the stickier the food.
Clara was not pleased, but that only made Diana more determined to do bigger and better pranks as we got older.
“Vivian, Brooke we have worked so hard this year and I think we should relax a bit. Try something new.” When Diana said this we always knew she had something new up her sleeve.
Every year we had to pull a prank that would be talked about until we pulled our next one the following year. When we were six, Clara took us on a play date in Central Park with some Australian actress and her son. While they yakked about the price of pent houses in New York, Diana convinced us to slip away. Clara and the police frantically searched for us for six hours, when they finally did find us we were two blocks over eating frozen yogurt at a PinkBerry.
Last year we created a fake website and hired actors to portray the royal family and the wedding of Will and Kate in a comical light. We ended up with a couple million hits on YouTube and haven’t been in good standing with the royal family since.
After fifteen years, and fourteen news-worthy pranks, this year’s prank promised to be amazing. Vincent decided to take us to a military school where he would be giving a speech about modern warfare and how technology could further military medicine and weapons.
“I have a brilliant idea,” Diana whispered as we climbed into the back of our Range Rover.
“No Diana!” Brooke hissed. “This is not the time for one of your ridiculous schemes.”
“Oh don’t be such a buzz kill,” Diana whined.
“I’m not! I’m just saying that it can wait can’t it? We don’t need to fall out of favor with our own military!”
I was unfortunately seated in the middle and they both turned to me simultaneously, “Vivian, talk to her.”
“Well...” I said slowly weighing my options, “It is high time we pulled a prank.”
Diana pumped her fist in the air, a triumphant smile spreading across her face.
“But,” I added quickly, “do you really think it’s necessary to do this today, of all days?”
Diana pouted and leaned back in her seat and refused to look at us. Brooke broke first, like she always does.
“Okay, well, what were you planning?” she ventured.
Diana explained her elaborate and carefully thought out plan. Brooke and I exchanged a look. Whenever we pull our yearly prank, Vincent makes us drop a few activities for a little while before we have to pick it up again, which is a very good thing. It’s one of the advantages to the Van Pelt Pranks and it was clear Diana was going to pull her prank regardless if we sided with her or not. If you can’t beat them, join them.
It was a simple harmless prank and wasn’t even one of our best. When Vincent opened his mouth to speak, SouljaBoi’s ‘SouljaBoi’ would blare through the speakers, than Diana would set off all the alarms at the school. People would laugh it off; at least that’s what we thought. We pulled off the prank yes, however it’s what followed that wasn’t expected.
Vincent walked on stage chuckling. “My apologies, my daughters were very excited to show how patriotic they are. Today they especially wanted to show that patriotism, because they have been enrolled into this very military school for the semester. ”
Diana’s smile froze and she looked like a deer caught in headlights and her artificial dark eyes flashed. Of course the media had a field day. To the public eye it appeared as though the Van Pelt sisters were going on another epic adventure. But being on the inside we knew this year the joke was on us.
Astronomical is a term often used by other people to describe my life. A blast, the complete package, daring, exotic, fantastic, glamorous, historical, I swear they have a label for every single letter in the alphabet and every aspect of my life. But I would replace historical with a headache, because honestly that’s all that my life is, one big headache. You try waking up to sirens and people barking at you for no reason every morning my friend, trust me it’s not fun.