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Inlove? Not really...I just want to kill you.

My name is Carmella; my sister’s name is Marianna. We recently moved from New York, to Paris, because my grandparents thought it would be a good idea,-“a positive thing,” for us. My parents died at least ten days after I got my driver’s license. I found that ironic, since they died in a car crash. However, that is not why I am telling you this story. I am telling you this story because in the beginning I was Miss Sweet and Innocent. People referred to me as, “the angel.” What they didn’t know about me is that I was the complete opposite. I was different.
I always knew I was different from the first time that I ever heard or received any bad news or any news about someone’s death. I would laugh until I cried. Some would say I have no heart. In some cases they would be right, but some not, because I just always thought death was funny. I never knew, though, that I would grow up to be a sadistic, murderer.
I am now a freshman in college, and I am studying criminal justice. I thought it was a good decision because I would be able to deal with crime scenes, dead bodies, and murders, depending on which field I choose to go into. Everything so far has been going good. I have made many friends and I have a boyfriend, who I think I am in love with?
My boyfriend’s name is Harlow Shay Adams. Harlow grew up here in Paris, and we met three summers ago, when my parents were still alive, and I was just visiting. We were really great friends for three years. Then Harlow and I talked and we wanted to take this to the next level, which I was nervous and kind of shy about doing. Harlow asked me out on the fourth of July, one year ago and we have been dating now for almost four years. When I thought my life was going to be normal again, that everything would change, I soon then later found out that I was way wrong.
It is now my Christmas break and I am spending it with Harlow, since we live together. We had lunch at my parent’s house, and then went to his for dinner. We reminisced about the past, and we talked about the random crap that his parents –being old- liked to talk about. I soon got bored half-way through the conversations, so we left and went back to our place. We spent the rest of the night watching movies, making out, and Harlow kept talking about us and our relationship. Who really wants or likes talking about their relationship when there are and were other things that we could have been doing –seriously!-. The rest of my Christmas break was ok –I guess-. Harlow told me that he finally loves me but like it matters because I don’t even know if I love him the same way?
January second, time to go back to boring ol’college. I thought this whole college thing would be easier. Instead it is making everything difficult. I can’t even go near a single person without wanting to hurt them in some way. Its not that I hate people, it’s that they annoy me, make me mad, and judge people who are different, and for some reason its all focused on me.
I’m starring out my class room window when I realize and see my real image. My face is not the beautiful tan color it used to be (or at least what I thought it was). Instead it was a pale, sickly color. I had deep purple circles under my eyes, and my once florescent, green, luscious eyes were now a shitty, blown-out-light, shade of green. My hair, a once bright vibrant blonde was now a faint two hairs away from being a dull white and brittle old lady. My skin looked like it was rotted but I knew it wasn’t –it couldn’t be- could it? I had to make myself turn away from this reflection because it scared even me. I wonder how everyone else feels or what everyone else sees when they look at me? I try and refocus on what my teacher was preaching about, but I can’t. I can’t focus once so ever, so I put my head down on the table and try to hide from everyone, or to make them invisible. It works until it is time for me to go.
I run –walk- to my car trying not to make it seem like I was rushing –or hiding something- but I was. I was hiding myself from them. When I got to my car I broke down for the first time in a very long time, I laughed. I was laughing so hard, loud, and obnoxious people who walked passed my car began to stop and stare. I finally pulled myself together and looked in my rearview mirror. The reflection that I had seen in the classroom window was not the same as the one I was looking at right now. It was worse. I started my car and quickly drove home to Harlow, where I felt sort of safe; from whatever it was that was scaring me –myself-.
I pulled up to my driveway and ran inside. Harlow gave me a confused look and then continued playing his video game. I ran to my bedroom, the bathroom, the living room, and the hallway collecting every mirror that I could find. I took all of them out back and smashed every single one over a rock, then I threw them away. Feeling somewhat satisfied, I walked indoors and threw myself down next to Harlow. He pulled me close to him wrapping his arms around me for what seemed to be for protection and then kissing me on the forehead where I soon fell asleep.
March, April, May, and June. The months seemed to go by so fast. I graduated from college with a degree in criminal justice and a degree in psychology? Harlow and I still live in Paris but now we own a house on the lake. Everything also seemed to be normal. Also, it is almost our four year anniversary on the fourth of July, and I am so excited. We want to do something exciting. So, we decided to go to the movies, then he would take me out to a romantic dinner under the stars, and back home for “other things.” But what neither Harlow nor I knew is that I had other plans in mind. I was going to make different date plans for the both of us.
July fourth-our four year anniversary! I am pumped. The day went on as any normal day. I go to school, Harlow stayed home and played video games and what not and then I came home.
When I get home everything changed, as if something took over me. I don’t know what or why but I was excited for today because I knew that someone, somewhere, that this was going to be their last night. I smiled an evil, sadistic smile and walked into Harlow’s room. Harlow spun around in his computer chair and pulled me on to his lap. He kissed my ever so sweetly on the cheek, and held my hands in his own, on my lap. I still had that sadistic smile on my face which Harlow thought was because he was kissing me, so he continued. When I finally stopped him I told him the other plans that I wanted to do today for our anniversary. The only words that had to leave my mouth for him to agree was that, “it was going to be interesting and fun, you’ll really love it,” and then he was like jelly in my hands.
I knew that I was not in love with Harlow the minute his cold fingers entwined with mine as we walked down to the lake. I knew that I Carmella Anne Broadway just wanted his blood stained on my hands, and I didn’t know why. Harlow and I walked hand in hand down to our boat and sat for a while before we began. This was it I tricked Harlow into thinking tonight was going to be normal. To play it up we ate our romantic candle light dinner of salads to start with, steak, rice, mashed potatoes, and roles. There was no dessert because what came later was dessert enough for me. We oared for a little while until we got to the middle of the lake and we stopped. I got up from where I was seated and sat next to him as he took my hands in his, wrapped his protective arms around me and kissed my forehead. Harlow told me he loved me and was confused on why I never returned the reply. I didn’t answer to that question like always I ignored it, and laid my head on his shoulders while he held me in his arms.
The night that I knew would end badly, started out worse than I had hoped. A sudden impulse made me rip myself out of his protective arms and throw my hands around his neck. I quickly snapped his neck around so fast that when it spun you could not hear it crack. As Harlow fell to the bottom of the boat dead, I looked down on him still unsatisfied with my dessert. So I pulled the razor blade out of my pocket and went to work. I stabbed him multiple times in the chest, the face and his southern region –he didn’t need it anyways.- I gauged out his eyes and I licked the blood splatter off of his quivering fingers. As I listened to his heart still trying to hold on some what I finished him. As his heart took its last beat I stood up next to him with blood on my hands, caked on my face, and with the smile of god stretching from ear to ear on my face. I then knelt down beside him picked his remaining body into my arms and cradled him back and forth in my arms. Then I brought my lips to his ear and whispered ever so softly, “I love you Harlow Shay.” Then for my own pleasure kissed his lips to seal what I have just done, and look up in the sky. As the fireworks had boomed in the background and the stars, the moon and the water glistened around me. I murdered my once true love, with satisfaction and lust. I LOVE YOU! ??





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