The Reasons Why

November 21, 2011
It was just an ordinary cardboard box—but it changed my life. The box was just a plain brown box; no decorations, no details on the box that even hinted what it held inside. There weren’t any return labels, which meant not knowing who sent me this box. When I opened the brown flaps, it revealed simply a portable cd player, old-school headphones and one sealed envelope. I instantly felt my stomach drop—I knew who this box was from. “Oh gosh, not today… I don’t want to look through this today” I whispered to myself. I never could wrap my mind around why he did it. How could things really be that bad? He was always telling me how I didn’t really know him… how he let people change him. He couldn’t ever explain it to me. I just brushed him off like it was no big deal. I thought he was just stressed out from senior year or some new girl was creating unnecessary drama. I tried being there for him, like the good ol’ days. We were best friends since 4th grade. But then, I don’t know what happened. Things just changed. I changed. I guess he did change… but why?

I clunked the large headphones over my ears and hit PLAY. “Hey Juliet--” PAUSE. I can’t listen to this. I haven’t heard his voice since our last phone call… when he needed me and I told him it wasn’t a good time. PLAY “—I know this still probably isn’t a good time, but now at least you can hear me out at your own convenience. I would like to start off and tell you that I’m sorry I did it. I left you. But you have plenty of other friends who seem to really care about you. I’m not saying this to make you feel bad, you know me better than that. I just saw it as with me out of the picture, everyone being way better off.” PAUSE “You know that’s not true.” I utter aloud. With him gone, everyone who ever truly cared is really depressed all the time. I should have done something. I should have made time. I could have fixed this its my fault. PLAY “Now, knowing you, you probably are taking full blame for my actions. But the fact of the matter is: everyone had a part of killing me. I was living dead.” STOP

I ripped the headphones off my head and threw my body on my bed and bit my lip real hard, in an attempt to not start sobbing. I missed him. I miss him. Why did he have to do this? I frantically start thinking, trying to think of anything but this. As I kick my feet back and forth while lying on the bed, my shoes knock over that box. I begin sobbing aloud. There is no way to avoid this horrible occurrence. I sit up and lean over the side of my bed to pick up the toppled box, when I see the letter. I debate with myself whether or not I should read the letter or avoid it, when I come to the conclusion that there is no avoiding it anyways. So, I slide the letter in between my fingers, breaking the seal to read:

“Dear Juliet,
Since there is no way of me knowing if you will read this first or listen to the CD player first— I will let you choose your own fate. If you’ve listened to my CD you may have already heard my intentions for giving you this box. If not, you get to read them first. Lucky you.
Juliet, I was never heard. I tried talking to the people who meant the most to me about how I felt. I really did. But no one had the time to listen. I wasn’t asking anyone to do anything hard, just listen. Were you in class when Mr. Hampter was talking about how important stories are? He was going on and on about how what makes life valuable is story. Without stories, there would be no point to living life—because we would just live and die, and no story would continue to live for us. Jewel, I wasn’t ever able to tell anyone my story, and I certainly didn’t want my life to be meaningless, so thank you, for hearing my story out—making my life meaningful.
I have summed up my whole life, or my whole story, into 12 letters. Yes, I know there is only one letter in this box… you are going to have to go to all the places I have hidden these letters to really understand or experience what I’ve lived. With each letter, there should be a CD that will help you get a bigger understanding of why I chose to bring you to that exact place.
The first place is ‘Firewood Elementary’—the exact location we met.”

“Jewel”… I remember when he first called me “Jewel”. No one has ever called me that but him. Out of the whole letter, that’s the part that stuck out the most. Gosh I miss him. “Okay, focus Juliet”, I mutter to myself, “where am I supposed to go first? The exact spot…? Oh, that’s right! I needed a partner for the teeter totter!” Before I know it, I have my car keys and I’m on my way out the door—to Firewood Elementary.

To be continued…

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abnormal said...
Nov. 28, 2011 at 5:59 pm
Very meaningful... good job!
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