Do I Get a Gold Chariot

November 16, 2011
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Stumbling through the cold, windy, snow-less might, I began to feel numb. Numb from the inside out, this time from more than the cold. Walking through this ghost town -where I will probably die and become a ghost myself- I began to wonder what comes next. "Do I get a gold chariot? Will I start to feel warm again?" I pulled my shawl tighter as the wind picked up. My nose was running, and my eyes stung from exhaustion. "or will I disappear completely?" saying it more like a statement than a question. I began to think about who would remember me "The husband I never had? The father of my dead child? That man didn't even know my name!"

Stumbling into an old building, to shelter myself from the wind, I tripped and fell. Pain travelled through my body faster than light. My leg was facing the wrong way. I had no energy left to scream, or cry, or rock back and forth; so tears streamed from my eyes and I didn't make a sound except the occasional whimper.

A light came on above me and a man came downstairs. Without a word, he helped me up. I was weightless. He took my hand and I felt my other hand being held as well. I looked over and there was a woman. I felt the sensation of being lifted higher and higher. My shawl slipped away and I was not cold anymore

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This article has 4 comments. Post your own now!

Sinc321 said...
Dec. 14, 2011 at 6:17 pm

wow thats good 


DooRonRon said...
Dec. 10, 2011 at 2:19 am
very descriptive, and keeps me wondering and asking questions! very nice;)
CarrieAnn13 said...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Since you told me not to criticize your grammar, I won't.  But you do need to work on it.

1.  I think a little more explanation would be nice.  Why is the woman out in the cold?  Why would she ask if she was getting a gold chariot?

2.  Just a little more description would be nice as well.

WriterofTheStars said...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 2:54 pm
I read several of your stories. They're all quiet depressing but in general well written. Keep it up!
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