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When The World Ended
“Once upon a time, there was a god named Zeus” Anna started the story and looked across the fire at the teens roasting marshmallows. None of them seemed particularly interested, but then it was just a summer camp story.
“Buzz! Buzz!” Zeus awoke with a start. What was that annoying buzzing noise?
“Buzz!” He looked over to his night stand and saw his iPhone inching towards the edge with each buzz. He sighed, rolled over and picked it up.
“FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: All Twihards! The twilight movie is coming soon! Get ready for the BIGGEST movie event in the history of the world! Coming November 30th at all theaters! See you there!”
Zeus frowned, slightly confused. Why was he getting a forward? It was rare to get a text message, especially a forward. All the gods he knew preferred calling or teleporting to texting. He decided to go check out what this whole twilight thing was about.
Stepping into the street, Zeus looked around him. He saw many tall buildings, called skyscrapers, if he recalled correctly. It had been a long time since he had been here. He started moving towards the big crowd of people surrounding the big place named the theatre. He had hardly walked 5 feet when he was stopped by a woman who looked to be in her mid-twenties. She was a very thin, very beautiful, very worried woman.
“Where have you been? They’ve been waiting for you on the red carpet!” she said, tugging his arm.
“Yes yes, of course. Just needed some fresh air.” He said gruffly, trying to sound like the man he was portraying. As they walked over to the crowded area, people began to turn and stare and some even had the audacity to take their phones out to take pictures of him.
“Rob, Rob! Can we ask a few questions?”
“Rob! Can we have your picture?” people with cameras were now surrounding him as he reached the red carpet.
“Rob, is it true that you are getting married to this beautiful woman here?”
“Mr. Pattinson, how does it feel to be the teen heart throb of the night?”
Sighing, Zeus pushed past all the paparazzi and finally made it to the door of the theater. Walking in with Kirsten on his arm, he found the seat specially reserved for him and sat, waiting for the movie to start.
As the credits rolled on, playing some sort of new age type music, Zeus found himself enraged by the idiocy of the people he so fairly ruled over. Why would they create such a monstrosity? Why were they ignorantly watching this...This crap? Were all movies like this? Finally, he couldn’t take the thoughts any longer and he stood forcefully, and moved to the aisle.
“People!” he yelled, “bow down to me and repent, for I am the great deathless god Zeus and unless you do so, you will be destroyed!”
“Um, Rob? What’s wrong with you? People are staring.” Kirsten pointed out rudely. Zeus looked up. People, indeed, were staring, and some were even beginning to laugh. Soon, the whole room was filled with the sound of laughter and the ridiculing stares of costars and other famous names in the Hollywood business.
“So be it!” he roared “you shall be destroyed!” he transformed to his true form, and he raised his hands. Thunder and lightning filled the room, and the people cowered in their seats. With a mighty wave of his hands, the thunder and lightning were gone, and so was he.
Slowly, people began peeking up from behind the seats and found that he was gone. The room was silent. All of the sudden, a loud moaning noise surrounded them, and they looked about, wondering at the source of the mysterious noise. As the sound grew, they looked more frantically, as though if they found the source it would stop, and everything would be ok.
“Ok, folks, we need to be calm.” The director said, moving from his seat towards the stage. Just then, a figure moved from the shadows and tackled the director to the ground while he screamed in horrification.
Zeus sat in his living room later that evening, musing. He turned on the AllStation radio he had gotten for Christmas last year and tuned it to the Hollywood News radio station.
“A shocking thing has happened here tonight. It would appear as though zombies have invaded Hollywood and are slowly taking over. Recent satellite pictures show the movement of zombies spreading as far as Iowa, and it won’t be long before our nation’s capital is overrun with them as well. It has been said that the president is being moved to a special safe house, but will this stop these monsters? The first zombie sighting was at the worldwide premier of twilight, ironically. Where did these things come from? Why are they attacking us? What is going to hap…? What is that? Oh my god! Is that a…? aaaaaahhhh!” Zeus turned the radio off. A thought then occurred to him. In his small fit of anger, he was going to wipe out the entire human population. As he thought, he felt worse and worse. Some of the humans suffering below were innocent, worshiping people, and he decided their horrible fate without a second thought! It was then that he formulated a plan. He would save two worthy humans who would prove their race’s ability to be pure.
And so it was, two humans, one female who went by the name of Jane Doe and one male who was called Zach Efron were spared from the horrible fate of human kind. Zeus had come to them and commanded them to find a space ship and ride it to mars and back, which took little over a week. By the time they were back, the zombies were dead due to lack of healthy human brains to eat. All was well with Zach and Jane, but they wondered at how they would repopulate the whole earth with just the two of them, and so they prayed to the goddess Leto for an answer. Leto came down to them and proclaimed,
“For every inch of blank film you plant in this dirt, a new human will be created, and thus the world shall be populated”
Zach and Jane planted over 1,000 feet of blank film, and the earth was newly populated. This new race of humans were spectacular at creating wonderful films and Zeus was very pleased. Never again would a sorry vampire movie be produced, never would horrible actors have the honor of the big screen, and never again would Zeus have to put up with a movie such as twilight again.”
Anna looked around. All of the teens were looking at her, shocked. One of them stood.
“I will never watch twilight ever again, and I vow to become a famous director and make awesome movies in the name of zeus!” he raised his fist “who’s with me?”
The group of teens all raised their fists and ran off screaming towards the lake.
Anna chuckled, and as she did, her voice grew deeper and her features became more manly. He turned to the trees
“and that’s how its done the Olympian way” he said to the trees. They swayed in response. Anna the camp counselor was never seen again.