"This has been my life for two years", I say as I clutch the iPod to my chest. "I don't mean that I've owned it for that long, I've had it for longer..."I pause, praying that she'll ask me questions about the day I got it. Anything that will drive us away from the reason that I'm here. But Dr. Dawson, my therapist, doesn't. She just sits there, looking at me with her famous "please go on" expression. Sighing, I hand her my iPod. "this is the playlist I made..excuse me, she made. She borrowed it one day... her last day, and when she returned it to me, I found it there. Krista's last songs. There were 10. " I stop, the first round of tears beginning to emerge, out of my control. I hate what comes next, it all becomes too real. But I've waited long enough. Today is the day, I told myself. I'm going to do it today. Dr. Dawson hands me a box of tissues. "Thanks", I say as I take one. I wipe my eyes, and continue."That playlist was the sign that something was wrong and I missed it. Now she's gone. I've listened to that playlist ever since... it makes me feel like she's alive." I take a deep breath. "I'm here because I'm ready to let go. Krista will always be in my heart. I know that now." Dr. Dawson gives me back my iPod. "Are you ready?" Nodding, I click delete.
September 15, 2011