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Diary of a Psycho - Evil Meets a Fairytale 7/15/11
I woke up in the middle of the night - actually, 2:47 A.M. in the morning - with the same hot feeling in my bones after I have a nightmare.
It's like they're full of lava and pain. It's a weird feeling.
And it was also a weird nightmare.
I dreamed I was listening to Lithium again, when the cover art changed from The Open Door to something else. Amy, Troy, and Tim were on one side of the picture, and Terry stood alone on the other side.
It looked kinda like someone drew it by hand, with lots of thick, oily paints and crayons.
Suddenly, the picture zoomed out. The band was now tiny specks, but I could still tell that Terry had been cut out of the picture.
A giant, gnarled, old and dead tree rose up behind the mountains in the background...it was impossibly huge.
The tree's branches twisted around and picked up something. It looked like -
Terry's body smacked the screen.
His head, and only his head, turned all the way around until I could see his rotted face. He seemed to be pleading for help.
The tree was evil, I knew that for sure after it threw Terry.
The sky was full of ravens now, cawing as they flapped around the evil tree. The sky was an ominous shade of gray-green, like a tornado was coming.
A huge tombstone burst out of the blackened ground, and Amy cackled manically.
Amy...why are you treating Terry like this? I wondered. You can't be evil, you can't be!
Tears formed in my eyes as zombies rose up from the dirt in front of the tombstone. So that's what it was for... It was the marker of a mass grave.
The zombies formed a line, and the screen turned so I could see them from the side.
A horrifying, bloodcurdling screech rang out, and the sound of tearing flesh came with it.
The zombies had killed Terry.
They passed his pieces along their horrible line, singing some kind of weird victory song while they let the living members of Evanescence ride on their shoulders as they marched.
Then, they stopped, passed Amy to the front of the line, and stared as the leading zombie put her on the ground.
''What are you doing?'' was the last thing Amy said.
It was followed by the same sounds as Terry's death, only worse.
''NO!'' I screamed, I shouted, I yelled, I bawled - whatever I possibly could do that was loud and full of pain, grief, sorrow, shame.
I couldn't save Amy.
And for that, I hated myself.
That scream would haunt me forever.
It was worse because I knew it was Amy, I loved her, I didn't want her to die.
But I couldn't save her.
As I started yelling for help, some stupid song came on over Lithium. It was the song that played for the YouTube video, ''Let's Go Annoy Some People!'' by Bloodstainedblade. The only difference was that it was burping instead of annoying squeaks.
I kept trying to shout for Mom, except every time I spoke, the words slipped in my throat and turned into burps. It was like having the hiccups - you could barely speak because you went -hic!- every two seconds.
So I tried moaning for help instead. The moan came out like it should.
For some reason, I was trapped in my chair. I couldn't move - I was superglued to it and leaning back so all I could do was stare at the computer screen as the zombies -
''NO! YOU CAN'T EAT AMY!!!" I screamed.
How could they?
I began weeping, and then blacked out.
In the dream, I came back around, burping again for Mom. I moaned, too, and the zombies marched around the tree like it was their god or something.
I woke myself up with the sound of my own burping and moaning.
I screamed one more time, and I jolted awake.
''Oh my God,'' I whispered.
I finally got my iTouch back, in case I didn't tell you that already, so I pulled it out and began writing the end of the forbidden story.
Here's what I wrote:
7/15/11 2:47 A.M.
Look, I know I'm not supposed to be writing this anymore. But I just had a nightmare in which Amy was eaten by zombies, and I found out Airianna is bi. I need some comfort, something familiar.
Have some mercy on me x.x
I'm just gonna write a short part, okay?
So, this is how the story would've ended:
I woke up to the sound of Amy's breathing and her warm skin against mine. I realized something in that moment - we could be like this forever. I wouldn't ever have to live without her.
Amy. My one and only love ever. And she could have me. After all, it had been five months, and she was the one who suggested the idea in the first place.
I took a deep breath as the weight of what I was about to do crashed down on me.
But I had courage. I'd do it anyways.
''Amy,'' I whispered.
''Mmm?'' She turned over, letting her shiny black hair cascade down her shoulders as she took it out of her ponytail.
''I want to stay here with you, forever. I don't ever want you to leave me.'' My voice was shaking slightly. It was pretty obvious that I was nervous. What if she made fun of me for actually thinking she'd say yes?
What if she turned me down?
Amy's bright blue eyes locked with mine as she slowly began to understand what I was saying.
''I know I'm not a legal adult, so really I'm probably not old enough to ask, but...'' I paused.
Should I really ask?
''Amy, will you marry me?''
Hang on a second - when did I decide to say that? I wasn't supposed to -
Kristen, I told myself, you just decided. Now hurry up and pay attention to Amy.
Her eyes were widening.
Was she shocked? Was she about to start laughing at me or something?
Then her eyes filled with happiness, and she smiled. It seemed to light up the room.
Overjoyed, she threw her arms around me, and I felt a tear on my bare shoulder.
''Kristen... Yes,'' she sobbed.
Tears of my own were of happiness and relief. Thank God she didn't say no because I was too young or because I didn't have a ring or something similar.
After a good five minutes of hugs and crying, we finally got it out of our systems. Amy wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, and put her head on my shoulder.
Then she looked up, her eyes saying something completely different than before. Was it...wanting? A hunger of some sort?
I found out as soon as I felt her mouth hot on mine. Her lips trembled. Was she afraid of something?
Nope, it was just emotional overload.
We'd been restraining ourselves for so long, holding back for fear of breaking our own bones.
But tonight was different. Tonight was special.
Her entire body pulsated on top of mine with a need I'd never seen before from her. She kissed me eagerly, like we'd never see each other again.
But I knew that we would. She said yes.
I smiled at that, and kissed Amy back with the same passion she gave me.
She climbed all over me - on my back, my sides, my stomach - as if she was trying to memorize what I felt like.
I breathed in slowly as she licked my jawline and back up to my mouth. I put my hands in her hair, running my fingers through its vanilla-scented softness.
She sighed as the need faded away throughout the night.
Amy kissed me one more time. She broke away, smiling.
''Kristen Lee,'' she said.
I almost teared up again.
''Shhh,'' she whispered as I put my head on her shoulder.
But I couldn't help it. A tear formed, just one single tear. I let it slide down from my eye to my cheek, where Amy kissed it off.
''Do you know that I couldn't bear to live without you?'' I asked quietly.
''Well, we're officially engaged now, so yes.'' Amy said.
I hugged her and breathed in her scent. Vanilla and green tea... The green tea must've been her perfume.
''Shhh,'' she whispered again. ''Don't move. Everything is perfect.''
You're perfect, I thought. My heart thumped around wildly, just like the first time I met her, our first kiss, when I lost my virginity...
I sighed, smiled, and looked straight into her perfect-shade-of-blue eyes and said the most truthful thing I'd ever said in my life.
''Amy Lee... I love you.''
And that was all.
See? And now that's how the story ended.
That's how my night went.
No, no, wait - what I meant to say was this.
I had a nightmare and then wrote a forbidden story.
It ended very nicely, don't you think?
Though it wasn't near as detailed as the rest of the story was...
I wasn't even done writing the story yet. So now, I can write everything in between!
And I know how it will end.
It won't end up with Amy being eaten by zombies, we'll be happily married instead.
Thank god one thing in this world will stay the same.