Fetch doggie fetch

September 8, 2011
The beginning

“Echo I love you” I whisper leaning in to kiss her lips. The second our lips met it was like the stars fell down and the world exploded in color, I felt a jolt of electricity run through my body as I wrapped my hands in her beautiful blond silk hair. I have been waiting for this moment for ages.

A week later

“Hey h*m*,” Echo yells across the hall to me. Why did I have to kiss her? We’ve been friends ever since she punched Tommy Stewert in the face in kindergarten because he stole my special locket, the one my daddy gave me before he got shot and killed in the war. Ever since that day we have been inseparable, until now that is.

Back to the beginning

“My God Taylor, what’s wrong with you?” She screamed her eyes liquid lava, bubbling and boiling in anger. OH MY GOD, what have I just done? “I … I … I ……” I splutter horrified that I just kissed my best friend and confessed that I loved her. “And what’s that crap about you loving me?”

“I meant as a friend, the kiss too” I whisper mollified. “Save it for the shrink Taylor, we both know you meant what you said the kiss was testament to that. I’m going home.”

The next day at school

“Hey everybody look who just arrived, Taylor the f*gg*t.” Echo declared glaring at me in front of my old group of friends and the whole rest of St. Mary’s catholic school. Great, I’m screwed. The last kid who was homosexual got bullied so bad he got sent to a special depression group home for teens all the way in California. “Go to H*ll,” Tommy Stewert yells loudly and clearly. Tommy the jock, the guy every guy wanted to be and every girl wanted to be with. “Sinner!” a kid I don’t know screams. Why won’t Echo protect me, she always has before?

Oh wait, I KISSED her. Guess she’s keeping the promise she made me before she left, she always has been good with upholding them.

The beginning

I sit and stare numbly as Echo throws things in her back pack: make-up, jeans, shirts, movies, candy. “Can we talk about this, please” I whisper watching as she whirls wildly around my room collecting her things and stuffing them away in the belly of her bag. “There is nothing to talk about,” her voice is crystal ice, hard, chipped, and cool. “You’re not going to tell anyone, are you Ech?” Her eyes met mine, flint. “I promise you Taylor Belle Harn I will make your life a living H*ll, from this moment on you are no longer my friend.” Her voice was satin, low and sweet and dangerous.

A week and two days later

“Ech, can we talk, please?” I need to talk to her, have needed to ever since she stormed out of my house the night we kissed, and now finally I have her cornered in the bathroom with no one around. I hope she will be open to discuss this, there are no people around so maybe she will. “Don’t call me that” she spits like how an ally cat might spit at a stranger. “Look we need to talk,” I tell her getting straight to the point, and, “I love you Echo I really do.”

And, she just looks at me, stares at me, no through me. “So you actually love me?” I nod weakly afraid to talk, not wanting my voice to betray me. Does she love me too? Is this all just some weird charade she’s pulling? My heart starts beating louder, thumping in my throat; I feel my palms begin to get all sweaty and clammy. Please say you love me back Echo, please I don’t know what I’ll do if you say or do something horrible.

A sultry look comes into her eyes and she walks towards me shaking her hips flirtatiously, doing the walk she uses on all the boys here. My mouth starts watering, I want her so bad. She’s so close; I can feel the heat coming off her body, her breasts touching mine. Then she reaches up, grabs my locket, yanks it off my neck and throws it down the sink. “Go fetch doggie.” No, why? Tears fill my eyes and fall over the edge; I don’t care if Echo is still watching me, still so close, I want her to see how hurt I am. A flash of guilt flashes across her face then “oh grow up Taylor it was just a locket.” No, it wasn’t and you know it I think bitterly at her with hatred. “Do everyone a favor and go jump off a roof.” What happened to friends forever huh Echo?

The next morning

“Hey hunny, don’t be late for school, okay?” My mom says kissing my forehead before walking out the door to go to work, I don’t plan on going to school but okay whatever. I lay a folded up piece of paper on the table where she always tosses her keys when she gets home for work, I know she’ll see it and read it if I place it there. Next I go outside and place a letter in the blue express mail box, I hope Echo will read it, I’m not so sure if she will.

The razor I had begun to cut with lay vacant on my dresser, I pick it up and slid it one final time across my skin. One last painted line to tell my life story, from elbow to wrist right on the vein. I never was able to finish what I started, why not add my life to the long list of failures.

My eye sight slurs and blurs before me, so much blood. Who would have thought such tiny little things held so much liquid? I try to lift my head, to watch the life flow out of my body but it’s too heavy, I’m too tired. A man in an army uniform comes around the corner and into my room, he looks familiar somehow, where have I seen him? The picture in my locket.

“Hey daddy, I’ve missed you.” I whisper up at the man in front of me, the man offering me his hand. “I’ve missed you to baby girl,” his voice a low soft rumble. Without hesitation I take the offered hand, finally freed from a life of hopeless love and devastation.

Two weeks later

“I’m sorry Tay, I’m so sorry.” I cry for the hundredth time waking up from another nightmare, “mom, MOMMY” I scream.

“Echo, what’s wrong?” mom says in rush, coming over and pulling me against her. “It’s Taylor mom, it’s all my fault. She kissed me and I lost it and made her life a living H*ll and told everyone she was h*m* and it’s my fault she committed suicide.” I sob in a rush, leaning into her resting my head against her shoulder like I might have done with Tay.

“Shhhhh, shhhh” she soothes rubbing my back gently. How could I have been so stupid, why couldn’t I have just let it go? It was just a kiss and she just as mollified if not more than I was. Oh Taylor I’m sorry. “Do you want to read Tay’s letter you got a week ago in the mail?” My mom asks gently probing, she knows I want to but-

-“I’m scared,” I whimper. “How about I read it to you?” I nod my head and reach over to turn the lamp on my nightstand on and hand her the letter. I flinch into her as the envelope rips, I don’t want to do this, I change my mind.

“Dear Echo,
I know you are probably blaming yourself right now and beating yourself up, well don’t. I don’t want you to be sad, get on with your life. Become the artist you want to be, your great Ech, anyone who knows talent can see that. I love you Echo, and don’t worry, I forgive you for everything too. Be strong for me, Love Tay-Tay.”

I cry, no sob, my throat hurts, my eyes sting but still I cry. I don’t know if I will ever be able to stop, and my mom just holds me, smooth’s my hair and holds me. “I love you mommy,” I whisper slipping into sleep once more.

Ten years later

“How much?” A costumer in my art gallery asks indicating towards a painting of Tay and I kissing. “It’s not for sale sorry,” I apologize. “That’s a shame I would pay a fortune for it,” he sniffs and walks out the door. Some people, geez.

I stare numbly at the painting tears falling, and, “thanks for not saying anything about me kissing you back Tay,” I whisper shamefully, feeling her lips on mine still lingering after all these years. I love you too.





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