Thoughts of a Bulimic

August 27, 2011
Feel the food in your mouth as you chew; savor it; remember the moment. Don't think about the fact that you're going to be ridding yourself of the food in just a few minutes.

Just think about how lovely it tastes.

When you're swallowing all that water, when your fingers down your throat, probing around for just the right spot, when the food rushed back up your throat, onto your fingers, your hand, and then finally into the toilet, think about how pretty you'll look. Ignore the bitter taste, ignore the disgusting smell. Think of all the fat you'll lose, and how you'll look with those ribs and hip bones showing. Oh, and how flat your stomach will be!

And when the hunger pains hit, when your curled in a ball, tears flowing and stomach growling, think not of how wonderful the bingeing was, but of how terrible the purging was.

Think of how bones are clean; pure, while fat is ugly, hanging on your body like a parasite, sucking away your poor beauty.

Never forget how this is all worth it.

I mean, occasionally the part of you deep down that feels as if this behavior is wrong will speak up.

Whenever this part of you speaks, you must tell it to shut. UP.

Then it should go away. Because remember, this is worth it.

Look at those pictures of those models, with their all-around skinniness. They are the gap between their thighs. They are the stomach that's flatter than yours can get from sucking in. They are beautiful.

Just like I'll be.

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