August 23, 2011
By nixchix SILVER, Dumfries, Other
nixchix SILVER, Dumfries, Other
7 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If things are going untowardly one month, they are sure to mend the next." - Jane Austen

24th August 2005

I need to get out of this hell house. Katy and Leah are yelling at the tops of their voices and Jamie is playing music so loud I can hardly hear myself think. It is gonna be so good to get back to school. I got my new timetable in the post yesterday. As soon as I can get to the library, I’ll photocopy it and stick a copy in here so I know I have a spare. That makes me sound so organised. All my friends are completely well, unorganised. Anna doesn’t even have school uniform yet. I am nearly 14 for god’s sake. I’m meant act like a teenager, not some middle aged woman. I need to make a list of my new school year resolutions. I’m going into S3 and I don’t have a boyfriend, I don’t know how to act like a teenager and I wear my MUM’s cast-offs!!!!!!

So by next summer holidays Stephanie Julia Lake will:

Have a boyfriend

Stop wearing Mum’s old clothes

Act like a proper teenager

Stop being jealous of Anna’s popular friends (they’re all b****es anyway)

Understand that when Mum and Dad are embarrassing they think they are doing what’s right

Finish Jane Eyre (I have been reading it for 2 months)

I don’t actually know what day we go back to school on. I think it is the 26th. YES!!! That means I only need to survive two more days. I think I need to get outside. I’ll take Meg for a walk (Meg is our black Labrador)


I was just coming out of the field and I saw Matthew (Anna’s brother) cycling along. I asked him where he was going.

He said, “To see a mate in Chamhill.” Chamhill is where me and Jamie go to school. Katy and Leah go to school in Castleton.

“Yeah.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. My head felt light and the strange look in his eyes had made me want to melt. He cycled off and I waved. Matthew’s fit but he’s in 5th year. Jamie’s friends with him and he’s in 6th year. If Jamie was a girl like the rest of us he might stand a chance but I don’t. Anyway I don’t even fancy him. Anna would never be friends with me again let alone talk to me if I ever even considered fancying her brother!

I walked home and begged Mum to take me to the library. She said she would because she needed to go to the post office and stuff anyway. I photocopied my timetable and got a book. It’s the next Angus, Thongs and Full – Frontal Snogging called: It’s ok; I’m wearing really big knickers. Kinda weird but funny and that’s a good thing, I think!

Mr Jameson
Rm 23
Miss White
Mr Wilson Jr
PE Block
Mr Tape
Mr Henry
Miss Collins
Captain Bell
Rm 48
Mr Jameson
Rm 23
Miss White
Captain Bell
Rm 48
Mdme Blanche
Mr Henry
Dr Fulton
Rm 42
Mrs Davidson
Rm 41
Mr Jameson
Rm 23
Miss Collins
Mr Tape
Dr Fulton
Rm 42
Mrs Davidson
Rm 41
Mdme Blanche
Mr Henry
Bailey hall
Dr Fulton
Rm 42
Mrs Davidson
Rm 41
Captain Bell
Rm 48
Mr Wilson Sr
Rm 26
Mr Tape
Miss White
Mr Jameson
Rm 23
Mr Wilson Jr
PE Block
Mr Jameson
Rm 23
Mr Henry
Mdme Blanche
Mr Tape
Miss Collins

I am just looking and I realised: Captain Bell, Madam Blanche, and Dr Fulton! I knew our school was posh but just look at those names!!
25th August 2005

Anna texted me today asking if I wanted to go into town with her.

‘Heya Steph, just wondering if u wntd 2 go in2 town wiv me 2day. It is skool 2morrow after all. We need some FUN on the last day!! Luv Anna xxxx’

I texted back saying: ‘That would be gr8. I’ll cycle down to ur house for 10. Then we’ll get the bus back to Chamhill at 2. C u l8r. Luv Steph xxxx

So we went into town and indulged on some toffee from Thornton’s. And some lunch from Greg’s. I didn’t buy anything else except from my lunch and the toffee but Anna went mad and bought some earrings, a top and a pair of pumps from New Look. She’s mad for shopping!!! She’s also gets a lot of money.

“Well we need to look good at the weekend even if we are going back to school.”

“Anna, its school first.” I laughed, with that weird thing where you struggle to speak because you are laughing so hard. I love my BFF so much it hurts. She’s a crazy, shopaholic who loves boys and shoes. Except not the boys at our school. ANYMORE! She had this boyfriend called Robbie but he was a total jerk! So he decided to dump her BY TEXT! He was a pig.

“OOOOOOO,” Anna giggled, “Look at those.” They were a pair of high heels, bright red and very Anna.

“They’re £120.”


“Look, and that’s in the sale.” I laughed. Anna was outraged.

“They can’t be. They’re in Dorothy Perkins. I mean, it’s quite expensive but not that expensive.”

“I think it’s an offer on shoes people have seen celebrities wearing.”

“They would go sooooo well with my last years Christmas dance dress.”

“UH hu.” I said sarcastically.

“Well, I could wear the same dress and buy new shoes.”

“Anna, are you sure it fits. Your Christmas dance dress, I mean. You have gone up two bra sizes since last Christmas. You told me yourself.” Anna was a skinny girl when we started S2, but she’s “blossomed”. She was 30 AA when we started Chamhill High but knows she’s 34 B.

“I know, I know. But I could squeeze into it.” She looked longingly at the shoes. I could feel another giggle coming.

“It’s a long time till Christmas.”

“Well, I’ll just have to loose weight then won’t I?”

“Yes.” I gave up. There was no way I was going to be able to change her mind. As we walked all she would talk about for fifteen minutes was the shoes. She wanted them sooooo badly but decided at long last that she would get them off the internet. I think she went a bit mad. There was NO way she would fit into her Christmas dance dress this Christmas.

26th August 2005

The first day of school was really good. There was no actual work just fun, fun, fun. It was so good to see all my other friends. The ones that I haven’t seen since July.

It is Wednesday today so I had some of my favourite subjects, English, Physics, Drama, and French.

That’s all that really happened.

27th August 2005

I went to Anna’s after school today and saw Matthew. Now I can’t stop thinking about him. The last time I properly fancied someone was two terms ago and the only person who I told was Anna. It turned out that he fancied me as well and Anna made him ask me out but he acted like an idiot and totally ignored me so I dumped him. (To his face, I am no jerk). I couldn’t tell Anna about fancying her brother. I couldn’t tell anyone coz all my other friends totally tell each other everything and from their points of view that means Anna too. I can’t tell anyone. I mean, I COULD tell someone who wouldn’t take it seriously like Jamie but he’s my big brother. He would laugh, I could tell Katy or Leah but they are quite good friends with Anna too and would probably tell her or her brother. Anyway I don’t even fancy him; I am just considering the possibility of fancying him.

I am rambling on like an idiot, I should be doing homework. We have to do a page of writing titled: Me, myself and I. How lame is that? It’s because we had a sub English teacher today because Mr Tape is in hospital. He’s not going to be back till October so this new teacher, Miss Flint, is taking us! She’s quite nice but a bit eccentric.

I love writing; this is like an insult to my talents. HA HA HA. I’ll never be a great writer but I know I can write. That’s why I am writing this diary, I hope I will never get sick of my own life. I’m only very ordinary but sometimes interesting things do happen to me. God, now I’m even quoting Anne bloody Frank. I am so messed up. My life is messed up. UGGGHHHH!!!!! I am nearly fourteen and I’m quoting Anne Frank! This, by the way, is quite a good book.

Me, myself and I

My name is Stephanie Julia Lake. I’m 13 years old. I live with my family, mum, dad, little sisters, big brother. My birthday is 14th October. I live at Wayside cottage, Castleton, Chamhill. I have lived here all my life but one day I’ll get out and go to Edinburgh. I’ll go to university there and live a life of luxury. Then I’ll get married and move back to the country but defiantly NOT anywhere near Rayburn because I don’t want to have to remember my awful childhood with my totally embarrassing parent s and even more embarrassing sisters.

I have a black Labrador called Meg and a cat called Sooty. Meg is jet black and always has been. When Sooty was a kitten he was black but it kind of somehow turned orange and now he is fat and ginger because my Mum spoils him all the time. When I get away to Edinburgh I’ll take Sooty with me and put him on a diet for the rest of his life. He is actually MY pet too. Meg is my Dad’s and she is lovely. My sisters have a goldfish and a budgie. Then goldfish is called Goldie Fish even though it is red and the budgie is called Budge over. Ha, ha, ha. Wow, such original names, don’t you think? My brother doesn’t like animals and spends most of his time in his room listening to some crappy rock band or prooning himself.

My brother is a self obsessed nutter who doesn’t like animals or parents. The three things he is interested in are dumping nice girls, annoying his parents and of course prooning his beautiful hair. My brother, Jamie, is actually quite good looking; lots of girls think he’s fit. He has had lots of girl friends but every single one of them goes home in the end crying. He knows he is good looking and takes longer in the bathroom than his 13 (nearly14) year old sister aka me!

That’s enough about my mad family. This piece of writing is titled, ME MYSELF AND I. I like writing, going out with my friends, reading good books, watching old Audrey Hepburn movies and going on Facebook. I have been writing stories all my life. One day I’ll write for a living. It’s an amazing thing to be able to do. Pick up a bit of paper and a pen and create a fantasy world filled with fantasy characters. I don’t actually write fantasy novels I write stories about girls like me or a bit older that have some kind of problem. Like a girl who wants a boyfriend or once I wrote a story about a girl who gets cancer. It is very sad.

That’s everything there is to know about me.

No it isn’t, I thought as I wrote the last word. But you can’t tell the teachers everything. They think they are the most wonderful people in the world and you can tell them everything. GOD, sake Mum is yelling at me at the top of her voice. She’s telling me to go to bed. I was just about to. I just wish Matthew was going with me. No that’s minging. I don’t really think that. As I said earlier I don’t fancy him. I am just considering the possibility of fancying him!

6th September 2005

I have thought up two lists. One is a birthday list; the other is the stages to getting Matthew to like me.

Birthday list

A camera

A bracelet

A paper chase fancy notebook from when we go to London

A new dressing gown

A boyfriend

A new school bag

That’s it. I didn’t write boyfriend on the one I gave to mum! I know my birthday is more than a month away but it’s good to be prepared.

Making Matthew notice me

Go to Anna’s more often

Somehow sneak his number off Anna’s phone

Text him but don’t put my name at the end so he knows someone fancies him

Somehow make him come with me and Anna into town so I can get to know him better

Ask him out!!!!!

It will never work. Anyway starting tomorrow I go to Anna’s after school at least two days a week. I can pretend I am doing work experience helping her mum look after the kids. Anna’s mum is a child minder.

Sunday 8th September 2005

I am putting the days because I am getting really confused which day it was when I wrote, because even if it was school I don’t always write about school. So anyway today’s Sunday.

I went into town with Anna. We did basically the same as last time except she didn’t want to go anywhere near Dorothy Perkins. I managed to get her phone but she accused me of looking at her texts, which isn’t such a crime because she tells me everything anyway. And she looks at mine, so I didn’t even get down to the M’s in her list of contacts.

I bought a new lip gloss with the money I earned from washing the car last week. Anna DIDN’T buy ANYTHING!! Nothing, zilch, none, rein. Anna the shopaholic didn’t buy ANYTHING!!!!! I was really shocked when we were on the bus and she said in a really sad voice, “I didn’t buy anything.” I was speechless. I had noticed she was a bit down but I just thought it was PMS or something. Shopping usually cheered her up.

“Anna, are you PMSing?”


“What the hell is wrong with you?” I burst. My best friend was being like someone who had just got dumped. She didn’t have a boyfriend. She ‘hated’ all the boys at our school. But… she went on holiday to Spain. Maybe she met a cute Spanish boy and he hasn’t written back to her. She sighed, really deep.

“Anna?” I said, “Did you meet a cute Spanish boy who hasn’t written back to you?”

“No.” She was being so miserable. What the hell was wrong? So many explanations were going through my head; I nearly came out with it.

“Anna, I fancy y… I mean I fancy, err, I fancy Yo…, I fancy Yo Man guy from the canteen.” I laughed nervously. Yo Man guy is the person in the canteen who always says Yo Man to you no matter who you are or what you’re doing. Me and Anna think he is quite cute.

Then she laughed and grinned. “I KNEW you fancied someone. I didn’t know who but I KNEW it. But Steph, Yo Man guy?”

She had totally tricked me. That girl knew me so well. She knew that if she pretended to be all like Oh poor me, I would totally give in. S***, I thought, what the flip do I do now?

“Ha ha, it was just a joke. I don’t really fancy Yo Man guy, I mean I don’t even know his name. HA ha.” The only thing that was going round my head was ‘S*** now Anna thinks I actually fancy Yo Man Guy.’

“Uh hu.” She raised an eyebrow in such an Anna way I had to laugh. I just had to. I tried pretending to cough but it was no use. I had to laugh. I burst. I laughed and laughed and laughed. She totally started laughing too and through her laughs she spluttered, “I believe you Steph, no one could possibly fancy Yo Man guy.” The other people on the bus must have thought we were nutters.

All good though, me and my BFF are definitely Friends forever!! (even though that’s so cheesy)

Sunday 16th September 2005

Less than a month till my birthday, I am going to be 14 on the 14th of October! My mum says it was only yesterday that I was a big lump in her tummy. I think she’s implying that I need to go on a diet. But I am not going to. I’m not fat. Just because she thinks we all need to be like sticks…

On Friday at school, Beth said James Harrison fancied me. I don’t want to go out with James Harrison, he a mate that’s it, that’s all he’s ever going to be, especially when I have my eye on someone else. But at least I know they are noticing me. Even if Matthew isn’t. I think I need to admit that I fancy him. He’s lovely and cute and kind and funny and he makes me laugh. When I went to Anna’s on Wednesday night, me and Matthew were playing footsie under the table. Anna’s sister Mia accused me of flirting with him, but I assured them I wasn’t. Mia is in 1st year. She’s a baby really.

Also because our school is so posh, the teachers decided we all were to wear blazers as well as:

White shirt

Navy skirt

Blue cardi

Navy tights

Blue and white striped tie

And now a blue blazer as well

I mean we get told what to wear for PE. Blue polo shirt with the school badge and navy shorts.

Monday 24th September 2005

James Harrison asked me out, stupidly I said yes but I don’t like him. At lunch everyone was crowding round us. Anna’s being dead nice, she knows I fancy someone else but she doesn’t know who, thank god!

On the bus on the way home she said, “Steph, it’s a shame you don’t like him, you’re cute together!”

“You know I like someone else, Anna. I don’t know why I said yes.”

“Well, you couldn’t exactly say no.”

When I got off the bus I walked straight to my room, “S***,” I said as I threw my bag down on the floor. “S***, s*** s***.” I threw myself down on my bed and started sobbing. I stopped sobbing for 10 minutes to write this. My life is such a wreck, I finally have a boyfriend but he’s totally the wrong guy. I can’t even tell my BEST friend who I really fancy because it’s her brother. Mum came in a minute ago saying if there was anything she could do to help. I yelled at her to go away.

S***, S***, S***

God, I hate my life.

Thursday 27th September 2005

It’s all right, I have calmed down since Monday. I still don’t know what to do about James. I was talking to Anna about it today.

“So, are you gonna dump him or what?” Anna asked.

“I don’t know.” I played with my hair, then I realised I was staring at this cute boy and he probably thought I was flirting. I quickly turned away and looked at Anna properly.

“God, Steph, you’re such a tool.”

“I’m considering the possibility of dumping him, but then again he’s quite insecure. I mean look at him. He might kill me or worse kill himself.”

Anna burst out laughing, “He won’t kill you, idiot.” She pretended to slap me really hard. Whether she’s just really strong or I’m weakling I don’t know. The thing I do know was that it hurt really badly. “He thinks the world of you.”

“Yeah well, I don’t think the world of him.”

“Steph…” Then Megan burst in. She’s a total cow and only thinks about herself.

“Heya babes. Wassup?” Oh I forgot to mention her disgusting slang. It’s not even Scottish it’s just slang.

“Well,” Anna began, Anna is wonderful. She can totally stand up to anyone and everyone. Except me. I always win her over. “We were talking but we’d better stop now you’re here.”

“Oh, you can tell me babes. What is it? How are you by the way Stephers, I heard you were going out with that moron James Harrison.” She has this really annoying nickname for me, Stephers I mean come on. Even my mum isn’t as annoying as that.

“I’m good thanks, and James isn’t a moron. He’s just different.” Even though I don’t like him as a boyfriend, he is still a mate and I won’t have people bullying him because of his crazy style. He’s a kind of punk Goth and doesn’t ever wear any colour and people hate it that he’s different.

“That’s what we were talking about actually so if you don’t mind. P*** off.” Anna hisses. She reminds me of a cat sometimes.

“Ok, ok. Keep your hair on, I’m going.” She stormed off.

“Thank god for that.” Sophie came and sat next to me. She’s my other best friend. She’s really clever and quite quiet but I love her to bits. She didn’t go to our primary, and I don’t know why, but I think Anna feels a little bit threatened by her. Whenever she comes over Anna always leaves.

“I’m just going over to see Jules and Alex.” Jules and Alex are Anna’s popular friends. They are the b****y ones but I do sometimes feel jealous.

“Sophie, I have a problem.” I venture to tell her about Matthew.

“Shoot, Steph.” She came closer to me and put her hand in mine. She’s amazing; she can tell when you’re nervous just by holding your hand.

“You know Anna’s brother Matthew.”

“Yes,” Sophie looked at me, “oh, Steph, you don’t?”

“I do.”

“You can’t tell Anna.”

“I know, she’d go mental.”

“What about James?”

“I don’t know. Oh Sophie, what on earth am I going to do?”
“Well, Steph, you do, do some stupid things. Why ever did you say yes?”

I told her from the very beginning about what had happened. I even showed her the bits from my diary about Matthew. Sophie says I should make a move. I don’t know. I don’t think it would be a good idea.

Sunday 30th September 2005

My cousins from Manchester came today. Mum decided we would all go on a family outing even through I’d planned a trip into town with Anna and Sophie. We went to a castle, me frantically trying to text Anna saying I couldn’t come into town.

“Stephanie, put your phone in your pocket and be sociable.”

“Mum, I was meant to be going into town with my friends and I did tell you I had other plans.”

“Yes, but Stephanie sometimes your family has to come first. Your cousins are staying and we need to make them feel welcome.”

“I’m sure my 14 year old cousin would rather come into town with some cute girls than go to some crummy castle miles away.”

“Stephanie stop being so selfish. I am sure Mark and Johnnie would rather spend time with you than your friends.”

“Mum, you are not a teenager. I know what goes through teenage boy’s heads. Johnnie would much rather go into town with my friends than spend time with me. He doesn’t even have a girlfriend for god’s sake.” Johnnie is quite cute and Anna kinda fancies him.

“Maybe in Manchester you’re not judged on whether or not you have a girlfriend or boyfriend. Boyfriends aren’t everything you know Steph. Friendships and family are important too.”

“Mum, I know that. I wanted to go into town with my friends! In case you hadn’t noticed, I am giving up that time I would have spent them, with my stupid, stinking family.” I stormed off at this point. Mum was yelling at me to come back but I just went for a walk. I decided to be back at the car at 1.00 for lunch. I wandered down a little path to a river. It was really nice. There were stones and sand and rocks to sit on. It looked deep enough to dive off the high rocks at the top. I sat there looking at it. I took out my notebook and began to describe the place.

I heard someone plonk themselves ungracefully down beside me.

“Hi.” And I thought I might be able to be peaceful till lunch. Here was my stinky cousin saying hi to me.

“Hi Johnnie.”

“You’re right. I would have liked to go into town with you and your friends. Anna is cute.”

“You know what she says the exact same about you.”

“This is interesting though. The history of the place. It’s old enough to be Roman.”

“I’m more interested in the wildlife and scenery.”

“So,” he said peering down at my notebook, “no one said you were a writer.”

I slammed my notebook shut. Prying eyes are never a good thing.

“No one really cares.”

“I do.”

“Really, or are you sure you’re not just being nice to me because you have to?”

“No, I really do think it’s cool to be a writer. You deserve to have something worth while in your life. We all do.”

“Oh so now you’re a kind of philosopher?”

“No it’s just we’ve both got such crap parents!”

“Are yours the same?”

“Totally, understanding and caring? Yeah completely.” He said understanding and caring very sarcastically. It made me want to laugh.

“Yup, definitely understanding and caring.” Then I started laughing. He laughed too. Soon we were both rolling around laughing.

“We’d better go and have lunch, it’s ten past one.”

So actually my cousin isn’t bad but I still would have had much more fun if I had gone out with my friends!

Later on Anna and family came for dinner. We were sitting eating and I was opposite Matthew. He was talking to Johnnie but I swear that foot I felt on mine wasn’t accidental. You don’t accidentally start rubbing someone’s foot with yours under the table. I think he actually might like me!!

Monday 7th October 2005

One week till my birthday and counting!!! I am sooooo excited about being 14. I have decided Matthew might like me more if I am 14 rather than 13. So that’s my aim for being 14. To get Matthew to notice me. Anyway…

On Facebook (FB, writing Facebook every time is too long) Matthew commented on my status. I’d written Stephanie Lake loves her boyfriend James Harrison because James acted really weird when I didn’t tag him on a tag I did. So anyway Matthew commented R u sure Steph??? I nearly died. He knows I don’t like James and HE WROTE IT ON FACEBOOK!!!! James hasn’t seen yet but I bet by tomorrow I won’t have to worry about dumping him. It’s a shame because he does actually like me. I told Anna, she seemed really distant. I don’t know what’s going on with that girl lately.

Thursday 10th October 2005


I have realised every single entry in the diary since the beginning of term has been about my problems. I have been so hooked up with my own life; I have failed to notice that Anna is being really distant and weird. There’s something wrong with her and I don’t know what it is. I’m sure that Jules and Alex know something because they keep whispering to her in French (the only class me and Anna are in together and I don’t sit next to her because I was off the day in S2 they chose seats). She hasn’t told me because I am being such a b****y cow and keep moaning on and on about James (who didn’t dump me). I need to find what’s wrong with her. She is my best friend and I haven’t even cared about anything when she tells me stuff. It’s awful of me!

Monday 28th October 2005


I can’t believe it. I forgot to bring my diary with me when we went to Granny G and Garfa’s. I am such an idiot. The holls were really boring, mainly trailing into the town they live near, going into boots and second hand book shops. It’s the same as what we did when I was 10 and when I was 5 and probably when I was a baby.

My birthday was good because Mum and Dad hadn’t gone home yet and we all went into London and had lunch out. Garfa paid. Then they went back to Camberley and I got the train to some place in London. I can’t remember what it’s called and spent the night with a really old friend of my mum’s but she’s much older than my mum (like 65 or something) and she is so cool you can hardly believe it. She wears really hippy outfits with lots of bright colours. She has no family except a son who lives in New Zealand and she doesn’t even know who his Dad is. She’s amazing. My mum says she’s not really a very good role model but I would totally love to be like her when I’m 65. I told her everything, about Matthew and Anna being weird and she totally helped me sort my self out. The next day we went shopping and I got so much new stuff. It was amazing!! She’s kinda like my godmother except it is not official.

My official godmother is an old lady who is my mum’s great aunt and lives in Cornwall. She thinks I am still ten and sends me stuff like smiley face badges. We never see her anymore and it’s kinda sad. Anyway I’m going off track.

So today was the first day of term. I told James it was time we broke up. He totally understood and said he enjoyed spending time with me much more as mates than as boyfriend and girlfriend. So we agreed we would tell each other stuff as friends. So I told him about Anna being weird. Then he went all weird and it was like he knew something but wouldn’t tell me. I don’t know what is going on but everyone seems to know about it except me. Even Mum and Dad. He wouldn’t tell me anything or say anything so I went away to talk to Sophie.

Thursday 31st October 2005

Matthew was staring at me on the bus today. It was weird. He doesn’t like me because he is totally into a girl called Caitlin in the year above me. Everyone knows that. I forgot about Caitlin when I wrote about us playing footsie.

I was gonna go over to Anna’s but she made this lame excuse that she had loads of homework. Ages ago we made a vow even if we had homework we would still go to each others houses after school on Thursday. It’s so we see more of each other. We never let homework get in the way. I feel like a loner. I hardly talk to anyone ever.

My general day at school consists of:

arrive, talk to boring people, text interesting people to see where they are, never get replies from interesting people, laugh at lame jokes

registration and period one and two classes, no note passing or UTT (under table texting) involved

break, chat to interesting people who go away to talk to other interesting people and not me, laugh at lame jokes, find out who is going out with who since the beginning of the day

period three and four classes, no note passing or UTT (under table texting)

lunch – canteen usually, eat lunch, go to toilet and put make up on, hang around till people worth talking to come back from up the street, laugh at lame jokes, find out who is going out with who since break

period five and six no note passing or UTT (under table texting)

How is school suddenly so boring? I used to have fun at break and lunch but now it’s just crap! Since the beginning of October everyone seems to be so distant and secretive. The only thing I am enthusiastic about is English and my writing and Mr Tape doesn’t even notice.

UGH!!!!!!! Matthew or Matt as people call him is never going to like me if I just mope around the house all day everyday instead of talking to people and having fun. I have no social life.

But something good happened today! I was looking through Dad’s texts (always do, to check he isn’t having an affair or something) and I found Matthew’s number! He had been texting Dad about a gig in Rayburn that he was doing! And then I texted him!! I said, “Whose number is this? I found it in my contacts and it didn’t have a name. xx”

He hasn’t text back yet!!

Saturday 2nd November 2005

Something so unbelievably amazing happened today. I am going to tell it from the very start and not let any clues away.

“Get up Steph. We’re going into town.” Mum woke me up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday. This was going to be a bad day was all I thought to my self.

“But Mum it’s Saturday, can’t I stay in bed.”

“No we are going into town to buy some school stuff for Leah.”

“Can’t I stay here?”

“No, Anna is coming with us.” I jumped out of bed and in a matter of minutes I was in the car waiting for Leah, Katy and Mum. I think I looked quite good. I had on my denim skirt, pulled up so it was really short, my cherry, red tights and a tight black strappy top, with my white cardi and my converses. My converses are black but I’ve doodled on them with Tipp Ex and now they have gone kinda grey. I should get some new ones really.

Anyway, Mum eyed me like she thought what I was wearing was completely unacceptable. When Anna got in the car I squealed and then said gravely, “I’m sorry Anna. I don’t know what I did to make you hate me so much but I’m sorry.”

“It was that noticeable. I really need to work on my acting. Your Mum hasn’t told you then?”

“Told me what?”

“I can’t tell, if your Mum hasn’t told you yet.” Some kind of secret. Maybe today wouldn’t be so bad.

Mum dragged us round Marks and Spencer picking out grey skirts and cardis. After I had tried on a skirt and a shirt (8 on the top, 10 on the bottom) Anna went off on muttering something about her mum wanting some new tights. I saw her disappear into Dorothy Perkins. I was so bored I could have died. My day was getting worse and worse.

When we met Anna again outside Subway she had three bags, A Dorothy Perkins one, a new look one and a Claire’s one. I didn’t ask what was in them, I was too bored.

I ordered a chicken salad wrap for my lunch. I had coke and a cookie as well. I won’t bore you with what anyone else had because we’re just getting to the good bit.

In the car when my mum was “just picking up a few things from Tesco” Anna said she had something important to tell me.

“What?” was all I said.

“Steph, you know how you were away on your birthday, well, me and your mum have decided to get you a party outfit for your present. It was my idea, but your Mum chipped in.” Out of her Dorothy Perkins bag she brought a fantastic, sparkly dress. It was dark blue, and the top part was all sequins, the bottom looked like it went to a little bit higher than your knees. It was dark blue with lots of net layers.

“On Anna,” I threw my arms around her neck. “Thank you so much, you are the most amazing friend.”

“There are more surprises to come, believe me!” I was beginning to suspect a huge surprise party or something. I wasn’t far off but huge didn’t even come close to what Anna and my mum had planned. Just then she took the Claire’s bag from the floor and handed to me. “Have a look.” Inside was a little dark blue handbag, a silver heart necklace and a set of sliver bangles. She then handed me the new look bag. Inside it there were a pair of amazing sliver high heels. They were sandals with thin little heels, very very high!

I was speechless but then I mouthed thank you and she hugged me really tightly. I sighed. I don’t know what I was worried about. Anna will always be my best friend and I don’t know what I’d do without her.

The rest of the day was kinda exciting. Mum and Anna running around the house secretly, every now and again shoving me into my room and making me stay there until further notice. At 6.00 I asked my mum if we were having dinner. She said I had to put, my new outfit on and that Anna would be here in half an hour to do my make up!

At 20 to 7 we got in the car, me, Anna and Mum. Anna and I were dressed up. She drove into town and then they blindfolded me. When we all got out of the car I was getting kinda p***ed off.

“Can I look now?”

“No,” they both said at exactly the same time! Finally they took my blindfold off and we were in a dark room. It was silent but suddenly a whole load of people shouted “SURPRISE”. I looked. The place was extraordinary. The theme was blue and silver so I looked the part. I turned round and hugged Anna and then Mum.

“This was totally worth you all being distant since the beginning of October.”

We danced all night, we ate, we drank (non alcoholic punch), and we had a great time. Matthew’s band was playing and they were fab. All their own songs and everything! I was so disappointed when it was time to go home at 12.30. Mum had gone home at 10 and me and Anna were getting a taxi home. She was sleeping over at my house.

When we were curled up, Anna in my bed and me on the floor, I decided it was finally time to tell her about Matthew.

“Anna, I’m really sorry but this is just the way I feel. I am in love your brother. I’m so sorry. I know he doesn’t even know I exist but I just can’t help it. I can’t stop thinking about him. I’m so sorry. Please don’t be mad at me.”

“Sssshhhh, Stephanie. It’s ok. I know.”

“You know?” I said sounding surprised.

“Yes, I’ve known since that day you were playing footsie with him under our kitchen table. Then again when we came over for dinner. It was obvious. He doesn’t know you fancy him but he defiantly notices you.”

“You’ve known for that long,” I said without whispering!

“Steph, sssshhhh. You’ll wake everyone up.”

“I can’t believe you never told me. Why aren’t you mad?”

“I’m not mad because you’re my best friend and I have to accept how you feel and live with it. It’s ok. It doesn’t matter. When you’re ready, ask him out. If he says yes, you have an excuse to come round more, if he says no, I’ll support you and tell him he’s a blind brainless, idiot for not knowing how beautiful you are.”

“I am not beautiful.”

“Steph, you are beautiful, your face and your personality. You have amazing dreams and ambitions, you’re amazingly kind, you’re an amazing listener and talker,” she giggled, “And you have an amazing talent for writing and one day I promise you will be a writer. Everyone loves you Stephanie Lake. No one cares you don’t have a boyfriend or designer bags or shoes. Everyone loves you for who you are. And that’s not something everyone can say about themselves.”

I had tears my eyes. “I love you Anna, You know what. Your amazing too. And that is my new favourite word!”

Monday 4th November 2005

Everyone at school was talking about my party. I found a letter tucked inside my planner. It was very mysterious. I haven’t showed anyone yet but I am gonna show Anna when she comes round tonight. She’s coming when my sisters go swimming.

Dear Steph,
I don’t know if you saw me at your party but I was there, talking to some of the boys in your year. It was a great party but it was to busy for me to approach you. I found your planner in Physics and it said on the front you loved a question mark. I wonder if that question mark was me. Coz if it was I would be happy to change it to my initials. I really like you Stephanie Lake and it would be an honour going out with such an amazing girl as you.
I see you nearly everyday but its hard to pluck up the courage t speak to you about how I feel about you. You’re so confident and beautiful and funny and clever. And I’m sorry but I can’t write anymore because Mr Collins is yelling at me.
Love question mark (I hope)

It was so cute, I have narrowed it down. It’s a boy who does higher physics because I know for a fact there was no one in a year younger than ours at the party. So he’s got to be doing higher physics with Mr Collins, and he’s has to be in 4th or 5th year because there was no one at the party who was in 6th year! (Except from my brother and it’s not his writing)


I showed it to Anna, she has a list of boys at my party in 4th and 5th year. It turns out over half of them are in one of Mr Collins’s higher physics classes which is annoying. But Matt was at the party. He was playing with his band. But Anna says it’s not his writing. I nearly cried!

Wednesday 27th November 2005

Since the party, nothing has happened. People started going out, but nothing INTERESTING!

It’s less than a month till Christmas. I have made a list

Christmas List

Winter boots

New watch

A new dressing gown

A new purple pen


A good movie


A new phone

A new pair of converses

I can’t really think of anything else. Mum said I can get winter boots or a new watch or a new phone but not all three. I knew this but it was to give her an idea.

Tuesday 9th December 2005

I had my history prelim today. Most of them are after Christmas but History is always before. It was awful because I suddenly felt my period coming on and I had to tell Miss White but she let me go out because it was near the end and I was finished anyway.

They have set a date for the 3rd / 4th year Christmas dance today. It’s the 17th of December. Two days before the Christmas holidays. I am going to wear my birthday outfit because I don’t have much money. Anna even mentioned the red shoes. She has been saving up and now has £220 to spend. We are going shopping on Saturday.

Saturday 13th December 2005

Anna got a dress in New Look, shoes in Dorothy Perkins and accessories from Claire’s. I bought some earrings to go with my outfit. They are silver and blue hoops and it’s like they were made to go with my dress.

Anna spent £100 on shoes then £65 on everything else. She is such a shopaholic. Her dress is red and black, shoes are red, and she has black accessories.

Wednesday 17th December 2005

Christmas dance was great, a boy in 4th year tried to kiss me. I wonder if he could be Question Mark. I am too tired to write anymore tonight. It’s half past one!

Wednesday 24th December 2005 aka Christmas Eve

Mum’s friend Victoria came yesterday. (the one I stayed with on my birthday way back in October). We were putting the tree up just as she arrived. Christmas tomorrow. I am so excited. It’s 11 o’clock now and I have just been sent to bed. Anna’s family are coming round tomorrow evening to watch the Christmas Dr Who and to have lots of Christmas fun of course. I hope Matthew comes.

It’s meant to snow tomorrow but Mum just went, “Fat Chance,” when we watched the weather forecast. I hope it snows. This Christmas is going to be magic. Really magic!

25th December 2005 aka Christmas day

Christmas day at Wayside dawned sunny and cold. I looked out of the window and the whole world was white and sparkling. I looked at my sleeping sisters on the floor. We always share on Christmas Day, it’s a tradition. They were huddled up together under a big double duvet. I glanced towards the end of my bed. There was my stocking, bulging like usual. I then glanced at the clock. 6.30.

I went down to the kitchen careful not to wake anyone. I made my self a cup of tea and went back to bed. When I got back, Leah and Katy were both awake. I beckoned them into my bed. They came.

I read to them both until 8 o’clock when we opened our stockings. I got loads of cool stuff. New make up, new shower gel, some chocolate coins and of course some new knickers!

When everyone else was awake, we showed them our stockings then we had a delicious breakfast of croissants. Victoria told us a funny story about when she had Christmas in Paris where she comes from. It sounds wonderful. One day I’ll go to Paris at Christmas.

Later on, at lunch time, when we had opened half the presents, Mum announced that it was time to start cooking the turkey. The adults were cooking in the kitchen and me, Jamie, Katy and Leah were in the living room tidying up a bit for when Anna’s family came round.

The Christmas dinner was fantastic. The turkey was perfect, so were the roast potatoes. The Christmas pudding was good too. Homemade by Mum in October! We ate at 6.00 and Anna’s family were going to come over at 7.00.

They were here bang on the dot of 7. But Dr Who didn’t start until 7.15. I opened Anna’s present and she opened mine. She gave me a little hardback notebook. I got her a box of chocolates and a phone charm. She loved them both. I modelled my new boots for her. I was still wearing them when Matthew came over to me and said, “Hey Steph, I’ve got something for you.”

I followed him outside, the snow was lightly falling and the sky was just turning from dark blue to black. The whole garden was pitch black except from the far corner where the back door light shone directly. “Let’s go over here.” He led me to the light spot.

“Matthew, what are you doing.”

“I’ve got something for you.” He handed me a little box wrapped up in red tissue paper.

“Thank you,” I said as I began to open it. Inside the tissue paper there was a jewellery box the size of the ones that have earrings or rings in them. Inside the jewellery box was a love heart sweet saying KISS ME on it.

“Do what it says,” he looked me right in the eyes.

“Ok.” I stretched up and put my arms round his neck and gave him a quick kiss on his lips. It turned into an amazing kiss where he was running his fingers through my hair and kissing my neck and my nose. I kept holding him long after we had stopped.

“How did you know?” I asked looking up at him, the falling snow tickling my face and getting caught in my eyelashes.

“I have known for a long time.”

“When did you know that I was the one?”

“The last week of the holidays when you hadn’t come round for ages. When I saw you walking Meg, my heart started doing flips. I was scared to ask you outright because I didn’t want you to reject me. I love you so much Steph.”

“I felt the same way when I saw you cycling. I had never thought about fancying you before and it was awful because I was afraid of what Anna might say. When she did know she was so nice about it.”

We had missed Dr Who but we started kissing again, I loved him and nothing could stop that, not even the fact the snow was probably freezing me to death. I didn’t feel cold, I felt warm and amazing. Matthew had loved me back all along and I had never known it. Now I know that life isn’t about acting right and having the right stuff, it’s about having friends and family around you, people who care for you and understand and love you for who you are and not what you’ve got or what you’ve done. Now I had felt what it was like to be in Matthew’s arms I knew I never wanted to be in anyone else’s. Ever. For as long as I lived.

“Did you know question mark was me?”

“I guessed, about ten minutes ago!”

The End

The author's comments:
This is how I feel. The beginning is true. My story hasn't finihed yet but I really hope it ends like this.

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