Time.

August 19, 2011
By dancemaniac GOLD, Mansfield, Texas
dancemaniac GOLD, Mansfield, Texas
13 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Time. It ticks always, forever lurching forward. At times, there's not enough. At others, too much. But it really never changes, no matter how slow or fast it appears to be moving. It's constant. Like a steady drumbeat that goes on forever, it continues on. When all else surrounding it ceases to exist, time will remain.
It's similar to a heartbeat. No person has control over it. It exists to serve one purpose and one purpose only. Thump. Thump. Tick. Tick. Their pulses give order to life, creating a rhythm that cannot be broken.
But, time is very different from a heartbeat in one particular area: a person can choose to end his life. He holds the power to stop his heartbeat, killing the pulse in his body that created such a sense of order and security. All of that can be ended by his choice.
But, he cannot end time.
Time is ruthless. It never stops, always tolling onward in some way or form. Time shows no sympathy or mercy with those who seek to end it. It cares for nothing of a person's struggles and heartache.
It continues to tick.
And, no matter how much a person tries to plead and somehow reason with time, ask it to stop for just the slightest second, nothing changes with time. It painfully ticks, like a purple bruise that doesn't seem to go away. The person can beg, but it is pointless. He could have the most broken heart or shattered life. He could just need time to stop for a minute, to let him catch his breath. He could ask for complete the non-existence of time, wishing he could slowly fall away into nothingness.
Time wouldn't care. Time forces him to continue marching on, not pausing to rest but simply dragging his feet behind him, trying to finish the race. He races forward until exhaustion consumes him, and even then he continues.
Will time beat the best of him?
There is no end.
Tick. Tick.



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This article has 12 comments.


on Aug. 25 2011 at 9:03 pm
ForeverDaydreaming BRONZE, Middletown, Virginia
2 articles 0 photos 6 comments
This was awesome! I loved how it was short, yet powerful. It made me think. Please check out my story if you get the chance.

on Aug. 24 2011 at 11:37 pm
rage_against_the_machine BRONZE, St. Augustine, Florida
4 articles 7 photos 106 comments

Favorite Quote:
Difficult takes a day. Impossible takes.. oh, about a week?

Woah, this is cool. Kinda made me feel helpless, in a way. Powerless. Nice.

on Aug. 24 2011 at 9:27 pm
dancemaniac GOLD, Mansfield, Texas
13 articles 0 photos 20 comments
thanks for the feedback! i'll keep that in mind(:

on Aug. 24 2011 at 5:40 pm
Hazel-daisy GOLD, --, Other
19 articles 0 photos 324 comments

Favorite Quote:
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else - Erna Bombeck

In three words i can sum up everything I've learned in life: it goes on -Robert Frost

Live, Love, Laugh - ______

Hope, Love, breathe <3 - Me

i really love this! i think everybody has those moments when you just want to pause time or even undo time. This made me thnik, and i like that! :)

on Aug. 24 2011 at 11:44 am
InPurpleInk BRONZE, SomewhereOverTheRainbow, Other
3 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You are a lover of words; someday you will write a book." ~Chinese fortune

This is so great!  Great description, spelling, and grammar.  I only have a few criticisms:

"At times, there's not enough." Just a suggestion: because the subject is time, using the word "times" this early on seemed (to me, anyway) to look a bit redundant.  Maybe try "On some occasions," or something like that.

"...second, nothing changes with time."  I would cut out "with time" because you use the same phrase earlier in the same sentence.  It's a bit repetitive.

"He could ask for complete the..." I don't really know how to read this.  Did you mean "ask for the complete non-existence"?

That's all I have for my critique.  I love your use of metaphor.  Fantastic!

 


on Aug. 24 2011 at 4:17 am
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 578 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

This really made me think. A lot. You were able to say so much with so little words. Excellent word choice and excellent story. I love it. :)

on Aug. 23 2011 at 8:58 pm
dancemaniac GOLD, Mansfield, Texas
13 articles 0 photos 20 comments
thank you so much!

on Aug. 23 2011 at 8:57 pm
dancemaniac GOLD, Mansfield, Texas
13 articles 0 photos 20 comments
thank you so much!

on Aug. 23 2011 at 8:51 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Wow, just wow.  You describe time perfectly here and your grammar and spelling are excellent!  Amazing work!

on Aug. 23 2011 at 8:49 pm
dancemaniac GOLD, Mansfield, Texas
13 articles 0 photos 20 comments
Thanks! I agree actually(: My next project is to try and fix it!

Lovejuice GOLD said...
on Aug. 23 2011 at 8:33 pm
Lovejuice GOLD,
19 articles 0 photos 55 comments

There are no grammar errors I noticed on the first reading, and I loved the way you narrated the story.

 

The vagueness of the heartbroken man lets me fill the role with whoever I want, so that in my opinion, is a plus to the story.

I couldn't decide if this was a poem or not, but I do know that I like it. I hope to see more written like this.


paige14 GOLD said...
on Aug. 23 2011 at 8:23 pm
paige14 GOLD, Portsmouth, Ohio
17 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Say what you need to say--John Mayer

This was pretty good. I liked the idea of it, comparing time to a heartbeat. But it seemed....awkward in places. I'm not completely sure why though. Some of the sentences just didn't flow quite right. Overall, a good message and story. I liked it.


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