I sit here watching him like ever girl should. Some don’t know that they would be lucky to have him but they haven’t noticed it yet. I, however, have noticed it.I have known everyday. I say that the eyes can speak more than words. I look at him seeing how smart, nice, kind, funny, and brilliant boy he is. He tries to live up to everyone’s expectations but its time for him to live his life and find his own. He tries hard and does his best. What I just saw is what people can say to him and notice easily but I can see so much more than that. Maybe things he could never notice. He needs to find his way not of what he can do but for who he is. I know that he is something spectacular. To me I can be invisible to people. To everyone. He can see me. He may be the only one who can see me. When he looks at me I feel for a split second that he can see the same as I do by knowing I’m more than I am. More than I look. Sometimes when his eyes lock on mine I think that he can tell what I feel for him but when I look away it’s like he never knew. I wish someday he’ll see that I’m more than just a girl or the girl you look in the hallway at school and don’t even care to know her name. I wait for my inner Juliet to come to help me with my Romeo. For me to find the words to even say hi. Instead I watch him. I only see the most gorgeous, beautiful eyes. I wonder if he would ever say that to me. I wait and feel the year go by and time go quicker than ever before. I watch him grow taller and more mature as the year passes. He doesn’t see that I’m trying not to be the stupid girl that I am. I want to show him that I’m beautiful everyday and be smart or at least act like it. For him. I want to be myself through. I want to be the me that I come to know over the years. I can’t stop time. When he smiles the world lights up. I love that anytime he can make me laugh and it makes my day. When I mess up in class he makes himself look like the idiot for me so I can give him a smile instead of humiliation. When I’m around him it’s like my own world, just the two of us. He makes me feel safe. He’s my protector. He tells me that nothing bad is ever going to happen to me. What scares me is I believe him. I trust him and believe that what he says is true. I can’t tell if that is wrong or right but for now it is…everything. When I’m a mess he says I’m beautiful. He’s the only one that I know that can understand me. Every night I see him in my dreams wishing he would disappear because I can’t stand him not being with me in the real world. I feel his hand slowly running over my skin wishing he would finally kiss me as his face gets close to mine. It never happens. I feel his arms wrap around me and I lay my head on his chest listening to his heart beat like a lullaby to make me fall asleep peacefully. Wanting this moment to never end. Wanting it to last forever as he said three words that changed my life. That’s when I wake up crying. I stare back at reality. I never had the chance to tell him before the car crash. Life goes on without you.I will see you someday. I miss you. I will always love you. Forever.
I never had the chance
August 18, 2011