Narrative Therapy

August 18, 2011
By paige14 GOLD, Portsmouth, Ohio
paige14 GOLD, Portsmouth, Ohio
17 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Say what you need to say--John Mayer


Elyse ambled down the silent street, lost in reverie of the earlier night/morning. Her heels clicked on the cobblestones. Her red dress brushed against her legs. Her hair stuck to the back of her sweaty neck. It had been the perfect party. The right music played. The right people came. The right food was served. Everything was right. Even the weather was just right. A soft breeze brushed Elyse’s hair off her neck.

She stumbled. She heard a scream. Maybe it was the Schnapps talking…but no. There it was again. The horrible desperate scream of the dying. The sound echoed in Elyse’s pounding head. Without even thinking she ran into the dark alley, kicking off her fashionable but impractical heels as she went. Her bare feet pounded on the road. Her red dress tore as she raced around trash cans. Her hair whipped through the air.

"Faster," she thought. "I have to go faster. I have to get there." The screams grew louder. More desperate. Then, with a gurgled shriek, they silenced. Elyse skidded to a halt, rounding the final corner. A woman sat against a brick wall. Pajamas were torn away to reveal still bleeding cuts and half-healed bruises. Fingerprints encircled her neck. Her eyes were unfocused, unseeing, and still wet from her final tears.

Elyse fell to her knees before the prone figure…



Elly throws her pen at the wall. A notebook soon follows. “How the heck is this supposed to help me?” she screams at a bearded man in a suit. He sits calmly behind a desk, as though he sees this every day. Then again, as a shrink in New York City, he probably does. Elly continues to shout. “What is even the point of this exercise? Reliving my own memory isn’t bad enough? Some fictitious character has to deal with it to? I have to twist it and warp it and write about it? Just remembering it every day of my life is bad enough. I don’t need you tell me to think about it and get over it. I will never get over it. I could live to be 102 and still remember February 12, 2011 as the WORST FREAKING DAY OF MY LIFE!”

Elly throws a few more things then storms out of the room, slamming the heavy wooden door behind her. The bearded man simply straightens his glasses and calmly begins to write.

Elly isn’t quite so calm. She enters a silent waiting room. No one even notices her. The secretary also probably sees this kind of behavior every day and the other patients are too jaded by their own problems to even care. Elly dashes past her parents and down a dozen flights of stairs. She pushes open a door and emerges onto a busy street. She stumbles past the man begging for change, the tourist holding a map upside-down, and the business woman striding purposefully by. Somehow, Elly makes it to an alley several blocks away. No one comes here. Not anymore.

Elly slides down the brick wall. Pulling her knees close, she begins to cry. First one tear, then another, then full-out waterworks, complete with sobbing.

What was I supposed to do that night? What could I have done? I got there as fast as I could. But I was too late. I should have called the cops. Why didn’t I call the cops? But that wouldn’t have helped either. Between the 911 call and getting a hold of a cop car and them actually getting over there, it would have been too late. There’s nothing I could have possibly done. If I had gotten there earlier I wouldn’t have saved anyone’s life. I’d have probably ended up dead as well. But if I did nothing wrong, why do I feel so guilty?



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This article has 11 comments.


paige14 GOLD said...
on Apr. 5 2012 at 6:07 pm
paige14 GOLD, Portsmouth, Ohio
17 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Say what you need to say--John Mayer

It was supposed to be italicized, but the formatting didn't come through when it got posted

on Apr. 5 2012 at 6:02 pm
TheWordSmith SILVER, Placerville, California
5 articles 0 photos 52 comments
Well-written and haunting! I liked it a lot. The only comment I would have is that when Elly starts talking about herself in the final paragraph, the transition was a little confusing. I would say something such as, "Elly thought..." and then lead into that paragraph. Other than that, excellent work!

on Apr. 5 2012 at 6:02 pm
TheWordSmith SILVER, Placerville, California
5 articles 0 photos 52 comments
Well-written and haunting! I liked it a lot. The only comment I would have is that when Elly starts talking about herself in the final paragraph, the transition was a little confusing. I would say something such as, "Elly thought..." and then lead into that paragraph. Other than that, excellent work!

on Jan. 14 2012 at 2:38 pm
Eshshah PLATINUM, Galloway, New Jersey
32 articles 31 photos 239 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep." -Robert Frost

It was a little confusing near the transition from the past to the present, but other than that it was very well written and deep- I understood most of it and I especially liked the first paragraph

paige14 GOLD said...
on Oct. 10 2011 at 9:21 pm
paige14 GOLD, Portsmouth, Ohio
17 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Say what you need to say--John Mayer

Basically Elly witnessed a murder and had to visit a shrink, who had her write a fictitious version of the event (the part about Elyse). I can see how that could be kinda confusing, but does that make more sense?

BluBliss GOLD said...
on Oct. 10 2011 at 3:37 pm
BluBliss GOLD, New York, New York
14 articles 0 photos 161 comments

Favorite Quote:
Bella's love for Edward was like, "Omg. He's hot. He's mine because he sparkles. Now I'll brood the wholle book while I'm with him."

Oooo! Heh heh, I like this. I really like this. It is a little bit vague as to what happened after you introduce teh dead woman, but I don't find that a problem. Nice work!

on Oct. 2 2011 at 1:11 am
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 578 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

This was really good, although I do think it's a bit confusing at certain parts. I think I'd like to know more about what happened--it would probably give me a better picture of what's going on in the entire story. Other than that, great work!

on Sep. 30 2011 at 4:38 pm
JoPepper PLATINUM, Annandale, Virginia
35 articles 0 photos 782 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Freedom is the ability to not care what the other person thinks."

"Not all those who wander are lost" --JRR Tolkien

"When you are listening to music it is better to cover your eyes than your ears." --Jose' Bergamin

I thought it was very good but some parts seemed confusing.  She came from a party suddenly in a therapists office then she's guilty.  But what about?  But I loved the description!!! :)

on Sep. 28 2011 at 7:02 pm
I agree with Alex on his/her point that you should be mindful of your tenses. I understand that your character feels guilt and in a therapist's office, but why is there a secretary in there...? Anyway, 4/5. It's just a small quibble. Also, I didn't get any backstory on the woman. How did she get into her situation? A bit of her perspective would have been good too.

on Aug. 29 2011 at 5:46 pm
ChloeMarina BRONZE, Pullman, Washington
4 articles 0 photos 1 comment
I really like this, it has aver powerfull effect. You should keep writing!

alex198 said...
on Aug. 25 2011 at 11:26 am
alex198, |, Other
0 articles 0 photos 113 comments
I thought your descriptions in this piece were quite good however they were were made seem quite choppy and didn't flow very well because of the short sentences you used. Short sentences are a great device to build tension but I think you over used them a bit in this piece. I also think you need to be careful of your tense. You started off in the past tense and moved into the present. Hope that's helpful! :)


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