You Made Suicide My Fate

My name is Liz and I am a normal teen, except for the fact that I want to kill myself. It is actually a funny story. I started acting this way as a joke but everyone took me seriously and they teased be and soon the feelings became real. I cut myself now and I don’t think I can change. I have barely any friends because of this. I only have 2, Alexis and Tanya. They help me through a lot of my problems but not all of them can be solved so easily. Now, this is the story of my suicide told from the point of view of me. It all started on December 8, 2009. It was a cold and dark evening in the town of Charlotte, North Carolina. All I could see from my bedroom was a dull street light and the forest. I decided to spend my night out on the porch. I could see hundreds of stars. It was beautiful. I looked up at the stars until I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I looked at my phone and it was a text message from an unknown number. I opened the message and it said “stop being such a filthy w****.’ I was shocked. I did not know who it could be. I checked my facebook account, as I always do after text messages because it is like a ritual to me, and saw that I had 20 notifications on a status I posted. I looked at the status and it said “I have sex with guys for $1.” I nearly cried. So many people commented on the status and the words used were horrible. I took down my page and thought it was all over. I was very wrong. The next day I went to school and no one talked to me. They ignored me more than usual. My friends did not even talk to me. I was used to being teased but this was much worse. I went to my locker and saw a lot of papers saying “w****” and “smut” on them. I ran out of school. I looked at my messages and got 13 new text messages all from unknown numbers saying I should kill myself, and that I am nothing but a filthy waste of sperm. My heart was torn out of my chest. I couldn’t take the pain. After about a month everything got much worse. People threw books and food at me and I got more threats. I did not tell anyone because I didn’t trust anyone. My mother ran out on my father and me when I was two and my father is a drug dealer and addict. He is usually in and out of jail but he hasn’t been caught for the 2 years he has been out. I suffered in silence. A year passed and the suicidal thoughts were stronger and someone reactivated my page and began posting more horrible things. I knew it was time for me to die. I could not face another day in that miserable school. On September 5, 2010 I took the gun my father had given me for protection, I cocked it, and put it to my head. Then I remembered I should leave a suicide not just to set everything straight and to give my other family peace and show those b******s what they had caused. I wrote “I have no reason to live. Rumors are being spread about me but they are all lies. Someone hacked my account and all of the people in school verbally abuse me not knowing that I am already mentally unstable. I have been through so much and no one ever cared. I had no Choice but to kill myself, just end it all. All the messages are still in my phone and I am done living a life of lies and hate. So I decided everyone is better off without me. Now I leave you this letter to know my true pain and suffering. Goodbye cruel world.” After finishing up my letter, I picked my gun back up, I slowly put it to my head, and before pulling the trigger I said “I am sorry for never being good enough” and then I pulled the trigger.





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