I’m going to act like I didn’t mean anything to you. I didn’t realize…everyone else did. And when I found out, I played cruel trickery. I made sure you wouldn’t tell me, because I didn’t want to hear your confession. I was scared, I ran. Coward. But I tell myself, that it’s okay, because that way you didn’t face rejection. Acting like I didn’t mean anything to you, so I can lie and say I didn’t break your heart. When the best memories become the worst and what used to make you laugh and smile hurts too much to even think about. When you dig your nails into your skin to keep away the pain that jabs at your heart. When you wonder why you even bothered in the first place, if now, you lay in bed, agonizing, convulsions rippling through your core. When you give up because you never ever want to feel like that again. Haunting music of battles I fought echo in my ears. Every thump breaks me. Silence. Look up, stare, stare down it all, because it meant you survived. Cut, slice, break every notion of your weakness. You are strong. You will win, if only because there is no other option.
August 3, 2011