The Journey to Forever

June 24, 2011
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I could jump now, but I had to be patient. It was all about the timing. I stared at the rusty door that led the way downstairs, to him. I hoped he was here. Otherwise all this would go to waste. I looked below at the traffic. People were oblivious, in their own worlds, worried about themselves. A gentle breeze ruffled my hair. The honks of cars were distant up here.
The door burst open and a boy stepped out looking frantic.
“Analisse? S***, what are you doing there –look could we talk...please?”
His pleas were satisfying. Let him suffer. He deserves it. Everyone does.
“Please Anna...”
My eyes narrowed. He was not allowed to call me that. Ever.
“You hurt me.”
It was true. He’d hurt me more than I wanted to admit. His betrayal hurt more than the bruises I’d received, more than the taunts that threatened to break me, more than he’d ever know.

He was silent with pleading eyes. He couldn’t deny it and I waited for the inevitable explanation.
“Please Analisse, I didn’t know it was you... –Anna I didn’t know how bad...”
His voice broke off and he looked at his shoes miserably.
I frowned. I felt nothing that I’d expected. I thought hurting him would be make me feel better, but instead I felt... sad and resigned.

I looked at him with his dark hair, and light eyes. I should stop this. I should come back down from my perch. I felt like I owed him an explanation but I couldn’t. I was too far gone now. My future looked bleak and unpromising. There was no one waiting at home, no one at school. He was the only one I had, but yet as I looked at him, I felt myself floating away. Away from the pain in my chest that made me feel like a hollow shell. Away from this world.
But I didn’t want to let him go. He was all I knew. Despite everything, I still wanted to brush the lock of hair that strayed towards his eyes, I still wanted to touch his face until every feature was engrained in my mind; I still wanted him.

But I didn’t deserve that. He came close, where I could touch him. My hand drifted to his eyes, the bright green colour framed by thick lashes. His straight nose, his cheekbones, his lips. I gently moved my hand over them, careful not to touch.
I looked at him sadly, all the anger washing away. I brushed aside the dark hair near his eyes. It was too late now, for anything.
I fell back towards empty space.
A whooshing noise filled my ears as gravity pulled me closer in its embrace. I looked up at the building and saw him standing there. Too late.
A thud, then pain. But the pain faded and soon I was floating again, leaping in air. I looked over at the broken body on the side walk. Drifting up, I found him still on the roof, staring.
Quickly I came over and brushed his lips. Quickly before I was gone.

“I forgive you.”

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