A warm breeze on a cold day

July 11, 2011
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There was once a little girl who was fascinated by the world and although she was small and fragile she understood that she was invincible. This is what set her apart from all of the other little girls that were small, fragile, and fascinated by the world. Kasey wasn’t born with this knowledge; she came to realize it one day while she was lying in a field. The grass pricked uncomfortably at the top of her back and she could feel numerous insect crawling around her body, but the flowers smelled incredible and the sun smiled on her face like the proud mother of a child. The wind blew just above the tip of her nose. She closed her eyes and retreated deep into her mind. She arrived in a little room with a soft couch and a window with a view of Paris. This room existed somewhere near her frontal lobe. It was a sanctuary. She reclined on the sofa and began to contemplate the wind. As she lay in the grass, while simultaneously lying on a couch, she realized that when she died she would lose her body, but her soul would dance in the wind for eternity because as the wind the gently caressed the tip of her nose she knew this it was carrying the wisdom of a thousand souls.
“Please come inside Kasey!” The words floated into her ear, tore her from the room and thrust her into reality. She let the world wash over her for a moment, let herself feel the ground and breathe the air, then she lifted herself from the ground and wandered towards the house. By the time she reached packed her latest revelation into a little box and stored it safety away in the back of her mind. She then occupied her conscious being with other thoughts such as, had she done her homework this weekend, was it time for a meal, why on earth would her mother be talking to her? When she reached the bottom of the staircase her mother was peering down at her with stone cold eyes. Her apron hugged her shapely hips and her hair was pulled back with a Rosie the Riveter bandanna. To anyone else she would have looked like the ideal wife and mother, but Kasey knew better then to make assumptions. “Where have you been young lady, dinner was ready an hour ago” “I was out in the field, I must have lost track of time…I really am sorry I think I’ll just head up to my room and think about what I’ve done” Kasey responded with a mix of fear and boldness that allowed her to begin a slow assent up the stairs. “Stop right there, I am tired of you always trying to be clever with me I simply don’t have time for your games,” she pressed her hand to her forehead as if Kasey’s behavior had literally given her a physical ailment, “Ever since yourFatherr passed away it’s like you’ve forgot the meaning of discipline, just because he’s not her don’t mean you don’t have to abide by his rules” But that was exactly what it meant. Without Major Smith roaming around the household Kasey was free to do whatever she pleaded. Mostly because her mother rarely took interest in her, except when she missed an important dinner like the one she had missed tonight. Kasey’s mother had invited over a couple of friends to show the neighborhood and the universe that her and Kasey were coping just fine with the death of a husband andFatherr.
As mother and daughter stood facing each other on the stairs, both let themselves crawl away into their sanctuaries. Kasey returned to her couch and her mother found herself on the deck of a small sail boat. Although eye contact was being made, neither one was really looking. Instead they were escaping, stealthily scaling the walls of their prisons and climbing into their getaway cars with a sense of relief and detachment. Kasey’s mother was the first to snap back. She shook her head slightly and then hurried down the stair lightly brushing her daughters arm and awakening her from the trance. Suddenly, Kasey was hit with an overwhelming urge to go speak to her mother, she wanted to yell at her and reason with her and she wanted to cry. She really, really wanted to cry. Just as she turned to go forth and confront her mother she realized she was already crying. She cursed herself and felt ashamed so she crawled of to bed even though it was only 7:30. Meanwhile her mother was back in the kitchen putting away the food from the dinner party she had canceled on behalf of her daughter’s absence. She too felt ashamed so she crawled of to find solace with a bottle of gin and some old movies.

Once Kasey’s crying had subsided she retrieved the box from the back of her mind and opened it up to inspect the precious revelation that she had carefully stored inside of it. She took it out and held it in her hands. She felt the texture, smooth and fragile like and egg. This was accompanied by a sensation of joy. Kasey felt strong and powerful, she had created something out of nothing and here it was, resting in the palm of her hand. She had discovered the truth before anyone else and now was her time to utilize it. She climbed out of bed and tip toed her way into the bathroom. She stopped for a moment to watch her reflection in the mirror. She was pale and boney, with traces of wrinkles boiling just beneath the surface. She appeared to be fourteen going on forty. She understood that the weight of her burden was at fault for her wretched appearance. She understood things, but more than that, she was holy. She was surrounded by the blind, deaf, and dumb and she was a god among people. She knew better then to bother herself with emotions; she was not weak like her mother. She was strong and aware, she was like herFatherr. He knew what it felt like to have a restless soul, trapped in a cage of bone and flesh. Perhaps, like Kasey, he had stumbled onto the truth while was visiting his sanctuary. He was after all the one who had exposed Kasey to the labyrinth of her own mind. He had also instructed her how to navigate in it and how to control it.
Kasey believed that today in the field, she had discovered what herFatherr had discovered, just before he killed himself. She momentarily wondered if her mother had found it as well she was on the stairs, but she doubted it. Her mother was far too ordinary, too afraid. Kasey opened the door to the cabinet; her reflection disappeared and revealed an array of pills and other toiletries. She carefully lifted up the orange plastic bottle, dumped the contents into her hand and swallowed. She closed her eyes and let the wind carry her away.





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