Being a teenager

June 29, 2011
By Anonymous

Dear Mum,

They say that nothing can compare to the love between a mother and her children. You’ve always given me everything I have asked for and wanted. I regret making the decision to deceive you and I admire how strong you have always been; throughout the thick and thin times, every minor and major situation. You’ve always provided for me and given me whatever I have asked for.

I don’t know where to start, I have so much to tell you but I just can’t find the right words to say. Maybe it’s the fact I don’t want to disappoint you, even though I know I already have. I deeply regret what I have done and how I have disobeyed you. All my life, you’ve raised me up to be the kind of person to tell the truth, no matter what the circumstances; whether it’s really bad or something which doesn’t even matter much. Well, recently I have been thinking about how much you do for me and how much I don’t appreciate it. I guess now’s the time I should try and repay you for all those things; by telling you the truth, you deserve that much from me at least.

I had no idea what was going through my head at the time, I wasn’t going to do it. Really, I wasn’t. Everyone just kept pressuring me to come so eventually I gave in. I look back and now I understand why you said no to me at the time. It wasn’t because you didn’t want me to have fun; it was because you knew of the consequences if I went. It was because you cared about me. I should’ve thought about that sooner; but I guess it doesn’t make a difference now- there’s no way to reverse the past.

When I found out I was invited to the party, I just assumed you would let me go. I never expected your reaction to be how it was. But now, if I was in your position, I probably would’ve said the same thing. At that moment though, I didn’t care about anything else. I was so desperate to go to this party; it was the most talked about thing at the time. Everyone was going! I didn’t want to be the only one not going. The thought of people coming up to me and asking why I couldn’t go was too much, especially the fact I’d have to say I wasn’t allowed; how embarrassing!

I didn’t take into account your concern about me. I just didn’t want to be treated like a little girl anymore. All I was thinking was ‘Couldn’t you see I was old enough to be independent?’ It was a late night, there would be drinking and drugs. I know you didn’t want me to get pulled into those kinds of things. It was like a trap, being pulled in and there’s no way to escape from it. Why didn’t I think of all the things beforehand? Why was I so irresponsible?

I knew you wouldn’t object if I said I was going somewhere local with the group, so that was the first thing that came to mind. When you questioned me, it was one lie after another. Eventually, I was so caught up in all my lies I couldn’t even tell you the truth when you sat me down and apologised for not letting me go to the party. You looked into my eyes and I could see how proud you were of me for always being the responsible one. I feel ashamed for my actions, lying to you and I hope I can make it up to you and regain the trust I have broken. I hope someday I will be as great a mother as you have been.

I know sometimes I resent you and scream and shout about how much I hate you. And then comes the slamming. You must know the whole routine by now. You deny me something; I throw a tantrum and say thoughtless things. How selfish of me! My love for you is like no other. Even though I do inconsiderate things at times, I do sincerely love you and want to make you proud of me; whatever I do.

All My Love,

Your daughter x

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