Not Ready To Leave, Not Yet.

May 13, 2011
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The tears begin to show on my mother’s face. She cannot cry yet, that is not fair to me. My dad stands quiet amongst the boxes and emptiness. As I look around it truly hits me like a bus on a highway. There is no turning back now, or changing my mind. My sister waits to take over my space as soon as the car is filled and the door closes shut. While my brother plans on visiting me every chance he gets, he is not ready for me to leave yet. The tears are flowing freely now from my mom’s eyes and they have spread to mine as well. No one knows what to do, none of us are ready to let go and embrace the truth. Today is the day. Today my bags are packed, the car is full, and we are ready to leave. Today is the day I leave the safety of my home town, to go to a city far away for college. A big city in Ohio.

Ohio State has been my dream school. 35000 people sounds like the perfect situation after coming from my tiny town. All of this year, I have been anxious to leave. Finally the day came; I got my acceptance letter and could not have been happier. I have been checking off the days until the one I am living now, I never expected to be sad on this day. It is a strange feeling standing here in my empty room. I am both excited and terrified; I am not sure which one is dominant over the other. I have chosen my major, gotten my rooming assignments, and registered for classes, Ohio State is ready for me, but maybe I am not ready for Ohio State.
I take a deep breath, I am ready, and I can do this. Today is not “goodbye”; it is “see you later”. I will be back in just 2 months for fall break, and everything will be the same. Yes, my sister would have taken over my room, but that doesn’t matter to me. My family, my town, and everything here will be the same. This is my home that will never change. I hug my sister and then my brother, for just a moment longer. I feel his arms wrapped around my neck, with 7 years between us, he has always looked up to me, and now I feel like I am betraying him, leaving him here, but he knows I will be back soon. I pat my dog on the head, and turn to face my mom. The tears spill and the sobs begin. I grab her tightly into a hug, she kisses me on the cheek and tells me she loves me, and then I let go.
“I love you too, I will see you soon,” I respond. I turn to face my dad, and with boxes in hand he walks me out to my car. Once the car is completely loaded, he turns to me and for the first time I see tears in his eyes.
“You will do great things in the big city, but never forget where your home and your family really are. We will always be here for you, and no matter what we will always love you. Just promise to come back to this tiny town as often as you can,” he pulls me into a hug. I don’t want to let go.
“I promise to come back as often as I can, Dad, remember I am only a few hours away you can come visit too.
“Honey, remember we are just a phone call away, now get out here, goof.”
I slowly got in the front seat, put the car into drive, and pulled out of my driveway.”See you soon,” I muttered to myself, “Very soon, I promise.”

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