ugly baby attack

May 12, 2011
By Anonymous

“So did you hear about the ugly baby attack?” I asked the rapper who stood next to me. I love to start some conversation.

“Yeah man, I heard about. I even wrote a rap about it; do you want to hear it?” asked the rapper, who smelled like day old mountain dew with a hint of ax cologne. He had his hood up and his smile, crooked and ugly, with his shiny sliver grills showing on his teeth.

“Okay “ I said preparing for the worse. He took a deep breath and started to make a peace sign with his nasty, unwashed hand. Then started to dance, like he had to go pee.

“Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo there was an ugly baby he started to attack I should know cause he peed on my back. Then he started to multiply I thought that I would die. I grabbed a bagel and started to eat, he thought that it would be an easy defeat. I turned he started to kick, he called me a worthless pimp. The….”

“ Man that is the worse rap ever. Did you actually write that?” I asked as my ears were popping like popcorn. So I took a drink of my brightly, colorful wrapped bottle of soda. And it trickled down my rough, dry throat with the taste of lemon-lime. Almost like a waterfall.

“Yeah man I wrote it, do you really think that it is bad?” he asked looking like a lost puppy on the street.

I thought for a minute, I felt bad usually I think before I talk. “No actually it is not that bad. Lets go find a record producer.” I said.

“Yes!” said the rapper jumping also looking again like he had to go pee.

So the rapper and me left the cemetery at 7:00pm. We found a record producer and the song became a number 1 hit.

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