Lullaby

By , oloplll, Poland
Soaked People. Lots of people. Tall, short, blond headed, redheaded, smart looking, filthy , whining children, grumpy grandmas, Chelsea fans and Manchester fans. All standing together and unite waiting for the bus. Why am I here ? Good question.
It attacked in the morning. I barley opened my eyes when it brutally beaten me with honesty. I am ordinary. Freaking ordinary. I am no genius and absolutely no use to anybody. I am not able to construct an environment friendly go – cart, like one 14 year old Indian kid did, and I have ever travelled to Africa in order to fight starvation. I specialize in existing. Unfortunately this prodigy is rather popular and not quite a showpiece. It always fascinated me why everyone besides me has some amusing skills in random fields of knowledge , sport or art. It might be, that the ration of talent per humanity is limited. Maybe there is a person , which thanks to me is doubly gifted? Anyways, I decided to do something. So I got out of my house, started walking and here I am all soaking in rain blistering cold all sunny . When will I go home? I do not know. What am I currently doing besides grumbling? Observing that handsome guy standing besides the telephone booth. No, not the fat one! The one wearing only socks. He looks quite distressed. What problems can possibly bother a guy like him. Maybe his harem reduced by half because he did not ware shoes for school. Pathetic.
***
What is up with that wicked girl staring at me since fine 10 minutes? Never mind. Back to the current problem: what is the quickest way to kill yourself? Hanging is not an option. I never been a fan of sailing and probably the knot tied on the rope would come untied to fast. Also, anything too bloody is not really my style. Shooting, cutting and so on are out of the question. Huh, possibly most of the people would freak out if they knew what I am thinking about. They would start saying: ‘ I know you are having a hard time but why to kill yourself right away’ ? . Probably they have not ever lost a parent, got kicked out of school and wrecked their favwrite Nikes on the same day. Well I did.
***
That guy looks quite wasted. Anyways, I am just one more ordinary kid hanging around. It actually should not bother anybody, but since I was born everyone predicted me, or better, they decided for me that I am meant to be extraordinary. Having such incredible parents ( lawyer, famous art gallery manager) and siblings( older sister studying in university of Pittsburgh and younger brother a chess genius) I feel out of place. Since I was a my parents they tended to sent me on various courses hoping to discover my hidden potential. Well, either ‘my hidden potential’ is the world champion in hide and seek or it just simply does not exist.
This morning I got up early. My mom made me breakfast ( scrambled eggs and two toasts with thin layer of butter) and asked whether I wanted a lift. She dropped me in just before the bell and headed off to work. She is (was) a qualified doctor. She parked , got out of the car and leaned over to pick up her bag from the seat. And then she was hit by a car . The man was drunk. Currently she is lying paralyzed in the hospital. I was at school when I got the news. When the secretary told me what had happened I immediately run to the closest off – license and sunk my desperation in good but yet cheap cider. When the shop assistant saw my face expression she did not even asked for my ID. After an hour or so, I got back to school , where everyone already went nuts about where I had disappeared. I came just in time for English class taught by the headmaster. He asked where had I gone and I replied ( more or less) “ Nothing sir, I am perfectly very fine” ( you have to know that under the influence of alcohol I speak quite coherently . Ok , almost ) . “Come here , please” – He continued - “ Firstly I am very sorry for your loss, secondly why do you smell with alcohol” ( honestly that was one of the stupidest question I had ever heard. I could try to bullshit that I use cider to mouistrize my skin , however I was not feeling quiet right to try to pronounce ‘moisturizer ). “ What a pitty “ – I answered or at least tried to answer because the magical beverage (for just 1.39 per bottle) decided to leave my cosy stomach and live it up outside, precisely on the Headmasters brogues and my beloved Nikes. The point is that I lost it all.
All this talking about how people are free and have the right to make sovereign decisions is just title –tattle. You are not a free person because you co - exist with other people. The problem is that they are the ones who enclose you ( it does not mean it is entirely a bad thing and that you should kill all your mates). It is just frustrating to watch how much people expect from you and how little can you give them.
This brown eyed boy is frowning since 5 minutes. He must be thinking about something intensively . Or he wants to achieve the Joker look for good.
Oh, a fiver on the pavement!
Ok no more philosophizing it’s about time to get down to work . Besides the girls protruding eyes will fall out any minute from all this gazing. I will do it right now. I will run under a car. At least it will be quite spectacular and might actually entertain this sad crowd. One … Two…. Three… Ouch!
Ouch! Everything hurts me and I am definetly not enjoying the layers of dirt on my face. I was attacked by this ‘ sock’ moron. What an idiot runs into people like that! I will share with with the freaking fiver, just make him get off me!
Ok. I am officially the biggest failure. I am not even able to kill myself because of the loony hippie girl lying underneath me. Just great. Well Ok, maybe it’s better that way. Wh did the girl try to stop me ? If you take a closer look she is actually quite pretty, she has this clever look. She seems to be one of those who will have a great future.
What is he staring at? I need to get home and end this silly scene. Screw the expectations and pressure. I need a shower.
I am lying in my bed in my grandma’s house in Sutton. I regret that I did not stop the girl and thanked her. In one moment she saved my life and in the other she just rushed off. Tomorrow I am going to visit mum. My Grandma called the school. They gave me a second chance. You see the only positive thing is that tomorrow can not be worse than today, can it?
I am lying in my bed and I feel that the same thing that yesterday, just creeped into my room. It just sat on my bed. Now it will wait till I almost fall asleep and then it will start to gently sneer and croon:

“ look at her
just another ordinary girl
wishing to mean something more
than her name
and loudly snore”

Goodnight.





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