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The world was in slow motion, as I stared at the picture held up to the sunlight. I couldn’t feel anything, not grief, denial, or anger, just numbness. In the movies and books, I should be waging wars, or trying to argue that they were wrong. This is life, not a movie, not a book, not even a dream.
But it would be nice, ‘cause in the end everyone would be happy, and I would be an inspiration for others. I stared at the picture of my head, the part that I couldn’t see, and much less feel. The part that I always forgot was there… my brain. A big white mass that shouldn’t be there seemed to be staring at me. The numbness was subsiding, and I felt something like a spark growing deep within my core. I shifted my gaze to the guy holding the picture. He was in white, all white, for a second I imagined wings sticking out of his back.
“Your daughter has a Glioblastoma multiforme; it has been growing for quite awhile now. She has 17 months at the most, 12 the least.” I wished that he would drop the smile, he was too calm, they all were…like angels.
I hope that when I’m dead, he can see all the blood in his money. The heated feeling now surrounded my heart, and was creeping up my throat. I didn’t feel numb anymore, and it was terrible. I felt helpless and weak, like I couldn’t control my own body. I was being invaded, and I remember the invasion, skillful, and subtle at first.
It started with headaches, so what, headaches were common, and so I popped Tylenol. Then grades started to plummet, it wasn’t that I wouldn’t concentrate, it was just that I simply couldn’t. Then just this morning I couldn’t walk straight because of a mammoth sized migraine. Every breath was like an explosion. I threw up all over my bed about five times. My mom found me sobbing, and curled up with my head between my knees. Like I was for an hour.
It was really quiet, my mom and step-dad were clutching each other by my bedside. “Can’t you cut it out?” My step-dad asked in a pleading tone. The question gave me a surge of hope.
“No, I’m sorry, the Glioblastoma is too close to the brainstem, and goes too deep for removal. Any attempts could risk: paralysis, -----,” I cut him off, tired of the calmness.
“So what, no matter how many big words you throw at me, I’m still dying, now get out of here right the heck now!!!” at first I was whispering, and then my voice gradually rose in hysteria. I glared at them as they left, high stride and all. When they were out of sight my mom immediately started the blaming.
“Lizzie I’m so sorry, I should’ve brought you in sooner, right when your behavior was changing, but I thought it was a stage. It’s my fault!” I tried comforting her by telling her it wasn’t hers or anyone’s fault, she didn’t give any evidence that she believed me. I eventually convinced my parents to go and eat. When I couldn’t see them, I literally collapsed into the pillows.
My thoughts ran wild. Oh my God, I’m dying. I’m only 15, I’ve barely lived. I haven’t had my first kiss. I haven’t had my first boyfriend. God, what did I do to deserve this, then out of nowhere a thought floated through my head: you know what you did. That’s right… the memory resurfaced, and I didn’t want it. I’m really sorry Mattie
I was 10, my mom and real-dad adopted a six year old girl named Mattie, we had her for three months, and I was jealous. She tried to get along with me, and I kept pushing her off. Then one day… she was gone, we never found her. Eventually that led up to my parent’s divorce.
I buried myself in the blankets and pillows, and cried until the room was full of the sound of guilt I’ve been holding in for years. See Lizzie, that’s what you get, this is what happens when karma comes back. When the air under the covers got musty, I resurfaced. A completely random memory popped into my head. I was 5, and it was a normal doctor’s visit.
A doctor, she had glowing blond hair, which reminded me of a halo. Her complexion was fair, and her blue eyes sparkled. She was crouched at my height handing me a lollipop, and telling me how good I did. I even asked if she was an angel, she laughed showing her pearly white teeth. When she left, her pristine white coat brushed my face, and I smelled a light scent of lavender smelling cleaners. Then, I was sure that all doctors were angels, I grimly gazed out the window. Back then I didn’t know that death was delivered by angels.





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This article has 33 comments. Post your own now!

paige14 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 25, 2011 at 6:49 pm
This is so sad...but I just happen to like sad stories. I'm glad you didn't end with the MC somehow surviving, because that just wouldn't be realistic. I absolutely LOVE this story!
 
JoPepper replied...
Sept. 30, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Thank you so much, hey I'd like and opinion! Do you think I should write a story for 6 year old Mattie or should I just leave it at this?  Thank you so much!!!! ;))
 
Healing_Angel This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 3, 2011 at 7:57 pm
Enagaing: sad and dark= my favourite story! Well written! Well done! 
 
JoPepper replied...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 5:16 pm
Thank you sooooooo much for reading.!!!!!!! :))
 
bookworm29 said...
Jun. 26, 2011 at 6:30 pm
SO what happened to Mattie?
 
JoPepper replied...
Jun. 27, 2011 at 11:22 am
She ran away.  I didn't really think of where Mattie went of what became of her she just ran away.  Was there something wrong with the story? :)
 
Kayla1115 said...
Jun. 21, 2011 at 5:56 pm
This story is so relevant to the title.  I liked how dreary and mealonchy the mood was. What I also like is that the whole theme of the story is diverse and different from any other fiction tales I might've read.  It was really good and I liked it! :)
 
JoPepper replied...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 11:53 am
Thank you so much I'm glad you liked it!!!!!
 
Medina D. said...
Jun. 21, 2011 at 11:17 am
This story is really dark---evil and angelic all at once (hehe) Evil---cause of the matty thing and the mysterious begining (it took me some time to catch on) Angelic----because the 6 year old scene was the one perfect angelic scene to this story before its dark close------"i didnt know that death was delivered by angels" i could never write anything like this
 
JoPepper replied...
Jun. 21, 2011 at 2:28 pm
Thank sooooooooo much for your feedback  I'm glad you liked it!!!!!!! :D
 
ritabelle511 said...
Jun. 16, 2011 at 2:46 pm
Wow this is amazing! I love this story - the bittersweet ending is right up my alley! :) I also love how you tied up the "angels" part at the end - interesting point. I love it!
 
JoPepper replied...
Jun. 17, 2011 at 12:32 pm
Thank you so much I'm glad you liked it!!!! ;D
 
gogreen1 said...
Jun. 7, 2011 at 9:29 pm

I liked this article. It was very thought-provoking. I did think the part about the six-year-old could be left out - it seemed kind of unnecessary and sort of irrelevant except for the whole 'karma' bit.

Otherwise, excellent job! :)

 
JoPepper replied...
Jun. 8, 2011 at 10:42 am
Okay, thank you.  Thanks for reading anything of yours you'd like me to read? :D
 
gogreen1 replied...
Jun. 8, 2011 at 11:23 am
None of my works have been published yet :( So no... not yet. Thanks for asking though :)
 
-DreamForever- said...
Jun. 5, 2011 at 10:43 am
That was very good. Have you or a friend gone through something like that? Or did you just read up on Glioblastoma multiformes? Either way, it was well written and I liked the thought process Lizzie went through.
 
JoPepper replied...
Jun. 5, 2011 at 11:17 am
Thank you!!!! I know no one who has gone through this, the story just popped into my head and i did some research.  I'm glad you enjoyed it thanks for reading.  :)
 
NavishJ. said...
Jun. 3, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Aww, this was so sad. I loved the emotions and passion you put into this writing piece. I caught a few grammatical errors, but nothing major. :)

The ending was cute. Nice plot idea! I truly enjoyed it. :)

 
NavishJ. replied...
Jun. 3, 2011 at 4:28 pm
I apologize for the late response. :)
 
JoPepper replied...
Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:27 am
Oh it's alright thank you for reading my story!!!! :D :))
 
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